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Fetch My Flying Monkeys - Part 328
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I went to the post office this morning to get my mail from my P.O. box. I have a P.O. box because I order a lot of porn and write obsessive fan letters to celebrities kids in my neighborhood mess with mailboxes. Anyway, I had to get stamps due to the postal service raising their rates, and lo and behold I had a package from my twin Rick in Arizona. He’s not my actual twin. We’re not even related. He’s just a lot like me except he has a penis and I’m prettier. Oh, and he’s the nice one. This package was my Christmas present for Christmas of 2006. No, it wasn’t lost in the mail. Like I said, he’s just a lot like me and lazy procrastinates.

I love the reindeer in hunter garb holding a gun with an evil look in his eyes. He knows that I like ‘when animals attack’ stories, and nothing says happy holidays like blood and mayhem. Even if it’s in May.

 

christmas,reindeer,ornaments

My friend Duane in Colorado still has my Christmas package. One thing I know he got me was a fairy calendar. Yes a 2007 calendar and the year’s almost half over. We laugh when he calls that he will just use a magic marker to move the dates over for 2008 or paste the fairy pictures on a 2008 calendar. This makes me giggle hysterically until I look over at the empty space on my wall where a calendar should be. Then a tiny tear escapes and runs down my cheek.

 

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My BFF Amber came down from Maryland and brought me my birthday present. A basket filled with booze, sweets, Yankee Candles, Philosophy and Frederic Fekkai beauty products. What more could a girl want or need?

Wine,Philosophy, Fekkai, Yankee Candle Gift Basket

This is her new puppy Abbey that also came to visit.

dachshund puppy

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Today I went back to the old insane asylum with my camera and permit in hand. The gate I had busted into leaned on earlier was locked up tighter than spandex pants on a two bit hooker. Damn. We weren’t able to get into any of the buildings, so I just took photos of the grounds and structures. It’s a beautiful place. I hope they don’t knock down all the huge trees, but they probably will. The bastards.

The thing that really sucked is that no one asked to see my permit. Next time I’m going back at night wearing all black and a ski mask.

Here’s the main photo I went back for anyway. The rest will be in my flickr if you’re interested.

 

Lunatic Asylum-Columbia, South Carolina

 

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It really sucks to go back to work after a three day weekend. I was feeling rather blah and decided I wanted to do something fun. I was thinking about how much fun it was breaking into visiting the asylum. As you all may have read on my previous blog, I had narrowly escaped the long arm of the law attempting to get photos of the old state mental institution that is soon scheduled for demolition. The police officer had told me that I needed to call the department of mental health in order to get permission to be on the grounds. So avoiding work after I finished some work, I placed a call to some big wigs in the department. I told them I had missed the official tour and wanted to see if I could get permission to tour the place. They said I could, but no photography. Damn. I chatted a little and joked with them a little and almost promised a blow job and before you knew it, was told that they would send me a form for photo release! I could take pictures! Yay! Then I asked if I could bring a posse with me and they said sure. So we all filled out our forms, faxed them back, and we are going Friday. I am so looking forward to it.

Funny how probably most people are trying like hell to get/stay out of a mental institution and I’m fighting to get in.

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