I spend my three day weekend coughing and sneezing. Yep, I had a head cold. I hate summer colds more than I hate clowns. I did nothing but watch television and marvel at how much mucus the human body can produce. If mucus could be used as an alternative fuel, I would have been the major supplier of B.F.F. (Boogers for Fuel). The CEO of the Snot Cartel. The Exxon of Phlegm…well, you get the picture.

I was majorly self medicating with Benadryl and Tylenol Cold and Flu pills so I was a bit out of it all weekend. I kind of just drifted in and out of consciousness, watching regular television programs and movies. I caught myself crying over the mama whale and baby that swam into the Sacramento River. Yeah, I didn’t pay much attention to the murders, the fires, and the wars going on in the world. Animals in trouble stories really get to me, especially when I’m laying on my ‘death couch’ with what I swear is the bubonic plague and whacked out on over the counter drugs.

I’m all better now. Yeah, just in time to go back to work. Yay me. Oh, and I cooked today and since I haven’t one exciting thing to actually write about, I thought I’d do a product endorsement. I found this low carb pasta made by Dreamfields. I don’t know about you but I find most low carb pastas disgusting. And whole wheat pasta taste like paste. And not the good kind like you used to eat in kindergarten. So anyway, I made some linguine with chicken, garlic, and scallions and it was marvelous.

Oh, and tonight I read that momma whale and baby are heading towards the sea!

• 

I live in the deep south. Columbia, South Carolina. The capital city. It’s not that large compared to most cities. It has all the same problems as larger cities, you know, crime, bad traffic, high taxes. What it doesn’t have is the good stuff cities have. A nightlife, activities, places of interest to go to. Sure we have a zoo, a museum, some bars (oh, and an old asylum). If you live here you go elsewhere for fun. The beach or the mountains, both about four to five hours away.

It also doesn’t have what most people think the deep south should have. And that’s friendly people. I’m not saying everyone is unfriendly. I am generalizing here and going by my own experiences.

Now I have been to the small towns in this state and they have some nice folks with some of that southern hospitality you hear about. Columbia doesn’t have it. You avoid eye contact with most people, you don’t chat with your neighbors. I am actually shocked, if say, I go to the store and a sales person actually makes eye contact, let alone say “Have a nice day”. Columbia is a small city filled with big city attitude. Or maybe I should just say it is void of any southern sweetness and charm. 

You may be thinking to yourself ” Stop whinning, bitch, and move”. Well, that is a goal, but what Columbia has is jobs. And since I wasn’t born with a trust fund, I work. And through a series of events I have landed in Columbia.

Yeah, this is going somewhere. This isn’t a bitchfest. I was just leading up to the end of my day.

After work I had to stop at the grocery store. I hate stopping at the store after work. All I want to do is get home, take off my bra, wash off my makeup and veg. As I got out of my car there was an ederly man also exiting his car. We made brief eye contact and he smiled and said hi. I smiled back and said hi. I walked in the store and in an aisle was a punk looking kid wearing a tshirt that read ’ If masturbating was a crime, I’d be on deathrow.’ He saw me reading it and stifling a giggle and he made a goofy smile and said “Hey.” I said “I like your shirt”. He said “Thanks.” I grabbed my supplies headed to the checkout and the lady in front of me also spoke to me. Then as I approached the cashier she looked me square in the eyes while grabbing my box of spaghetti and said ” Hi, how are you today?” I immediately thought I must have driven through some kind of space-time continuum on my way to the store, some sort of fourth dimension, Bizzaro Columbia. I was frightened, confused, totally discombobulated.

How sad is it that I am shocked by common human courtesy? I like Bizzaro Columbia. I wonder if they have jobs there.

• 

"Eddie Murphy is still denying that that is his baby Scary Spice had."

"Oh yeah? Well is he going to take that DNA test?"

"She’s going to take him to court."

"Good for her, make him pay for that child. Hey, Britney Spears’ new boyfriend is back in rehab."

"Didn’t she meet him in rehab?"

"Yeah. Know what’s sad?"

"What?"

"That we know or care what these people do."

•