My Hypochondria | Fetch My Flying Monkeys

Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

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With spring comes a plethora of charity runs and a plethora of potentially fatal injuries. Not that anyone cares.

By Laura On March 26, 2012 · 44 Comments

J: “How are you? How’d it go?”

Me: “I think I broke a rib in my sleep last night and it punctured my lung.”

J: laughs

Me: “Dude, why are you laughing? It hurts.”

J: “You always go for the worst case scenario.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

J: “Yes you do.”

Me: “If I went for the [...]

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My purse is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

By Laura On February 17, 2012 · 63 Comments

I had a headache all day and just a little while ago I found a pill in the bottom of my purse and I took it even though I have no idea what kind of pill it was. I’m pretty certain it’s been in there for over a year, so if its something bad it [...]

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Australia tried to assassinate me.

By Laura On January 31, 2012 · 63 Comments

Sunday night I got very sick. It felt like my liver and pancreas had both exploded at the same time. At first I thought it was the booze, but then I remembered I hadn’t been drinking! (I know, right?!) I was becoming concerned and thought about driving myself to the hospital, but I knew I’d never make it. I [...]

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Now comes the worst part of the new year, when you have to sober up to go back to work.

By Laura On January 3, 2012 · 76 Comments

I think I’m officially a diabetic now. We’re talking full-fledged going blind, amputated legs diabetic. I don’t care what the doctors keep telling me. New Year’s Eve I drank a bottle of wine and by nine o’clock I passed the fuck out. So I missed the hoopla at midnight, instead waking at 3 in the [...]

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With spring comes a plethora of charity runs and a plethora of potentially fatal injuries. Not that anyone cares.

My purse is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

Australia tried to assassinate me.

Now comes the worst part of the new year, when you have to sober up to go back to work.

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