George Clooney And My Other Imaginary Boyfriends | Fetch My Flying Monkeys

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If George Clooney recorded one of these, I’d still be driving around in circles stopping only for gas, Slim Jims, and Big Gulps

By Laura On August 16, 2009 · 7 Comments

I got this a few weeks ago:

I still haven’t gone anywhere. I started turning it on going back and forth to work because I had downloaded Eric Cartman’s voice from South Park (no, they did not have George Clooney) and I liked his sassy directions. Some days [...]

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I was instructed I had to write this entry because I was not to leave my three readers wondering if I was going to die and they could collect the insurance they took out on me Ha! Ha! You lose! (for now anyway)

By Laura On August 11, 2009 · 6 Comments

I called my dermatologist Monday as instructed for my lab results. I was told that the final results weren’t in yet. Great. So I placed a call to the Make-A-Wish Foundation to once again see if they could arrange a hook-up between me and George Clooney. An unidentified rash that could or couldn’t be rabies [...]

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I’m not upset. I am not upset. I swear I am not upset. I’m cool with it. I AM NOT UPSET

By Laura On August 5, 2009 · 12 Comments

I have had several people come up to me this week to tell me that George Clooney has a new girlfriend, an Italian actress named Elizabetta Canalis. They’re like, “Laura, George Clooney has a new girlfriend.” Then they stand there to watch my reaction. Some bring popcorn.

People, no matter how I may go [...]

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Bad Poetry Week – Entry Four

By Laura On July 23, 2009 · 10 Comments

Call Me, George Clooney
A poem of obsession admiration by Laura

I knew it was you since the Facts of Life.
I dreamt that someday I might be your wife.
I even carved your name in my arm with a knife.
Call me, George Clooney.

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Links to Enjoy

Moth.

BIRDS!

Andrew Knapp Photos.

Pot Noodles.

The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.

Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.

Rescued!

Wake Up!

Hitler's Home Movies.

Adopted!

Subway Surfer.

MC Mom.

Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?

Now I want to go to Iceland.

AYA!

Karaoke Hitler.

Wake up! They see us!

Wasted.

How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.

A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.

Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.

Birds in Watercolor.

When Taunting Goes Wrong.

Google Sheep View.

3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
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If George Clooney recorded one of these, I’d still be driving around in circles stopping only for gas, Slim Jims, and Big Gulps

I was instructed I had to write this entry because I was not to leave my three readers wondering if I was going to die and they could collect the insurance they took out on me Ha! Ha! You lose! (for now anyway)

I’m not upset. I am not upset. I swear I am not upset. I’m cool with it. I AM NOT UPSET

Bad Poetry Week – Entry Four

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