Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

My Haiku for you.

By Laura On August 2, 2014 · 38 Comments

Whenever I’m sad or unhappy, instead of getting loud and angry and violent, I like to express my feelings in poetry. SHUT. UP. IT’S TRUE. Anyway, I thought I’d keep this short and write a Haiku poem to express myself. To be perfectly honest I’m not very familiar with Haiku (or even the English language or sentence structure, for that matter- words are hard, yo!) so I had to look up the rules. They are as follows:

Only three lines, totaling 17 syllables throughout
The first line must be only 5 syllables
The second line must be comprised of 7 syllables
The third line must be 5 syllables like the first
Punctuation and capitalization rules are up to the poet, and need not follow rigid rules used in structuring sentences
Haiku does not have to rhyme, in fact many times it does not rhyme at all
Some haiku can include the repetition of words or sounds

So here we go. I titled this poem “Betrayal.”

Betrayal

A Haiku by Laura Ledford

George Clooney’s engaged

I am fucking enraged now

Refrigerator

Now here’s a picture of some baby Capybaras. Just look at those adorable little horse-rat bastards. LOOK AT THEM!

38 Comments

38 Responses to My Haiku for you.

Jena says:

August 2, 2014 at 9:42 am

LMAO!! You are the QUEEN of Haiku’s! And those babies are cute!

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 2, 2014 at 12:17 pm
  
  I want an army of them and hunt hobos with them.
  
  Reply
  - Jena says:
    
    August 2, 2014 at 12:40 pm
    
    Rocket and grenade launchers mounted on them. WORD.
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      August 2, 2014 at 12:52 pm
      
      And wee little crossbows.
      
      Reply
LC Aggie Sith says:

August 2, 2014 at 9:59 am

The last line really holds the poem together.

As do the capybaras.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 2, 2014 at 12:17 pm
  
  They’re kinda freaky, but cute. In a freaky way.
  
  Reply
  - LC Aggie Sith says:
    
    August 2, 2014 at 5:28 pm
    
    So totes adorbs, then.
    
    Reply
Michelle says:

August 2, 2014 at 11:22 am

Congratulations!

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 2, 2014 at 12:16 pm
  
  On what? lol
  
  Reply
Buttercup says:

August 2, 2014 at 11:57 am

Clooney is looney.
Picks another over you.
Looks can’t fix stupid.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 2, 2014 at 12:16 pm
  
  OH MY GOD! Is that Shakespeare?
  
  Reply
Suzanne says:

August 2, 2014 at 12:23 pm

You are mine, motherfucker
Never to be free
So quit calling the police

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 2, 2014 at 12:37 pm
  
  We should collaborate on a book of Haiku.
  
  Reply
  - Jena says:
    
    August 2, 2014 at 12:41 pm
    
    yes y’all should. I would NOT buy it, but if you gave it to me, I would try to read it.
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      August 2, 2014 at 12:51 pm
      
      Damn. That’s cold.
      
      Reply
    - Suzanne says:
      
      August 2, 2014 at 12:53 pm
      
      If you don’t buy the book, how are we supposed to bond out of jail?
      
      Reply
      - Laura says:
        
        August 2, 2014 at 12:59 pm
        
        I know, right?!
  - Suzanne says:
    
    August 2, 2014 at 12:52 pm
    
    HA!
    
    Reply
    - Jena says:
      
      August 2, 2014 at 8:15 pm
      
      Someone else will buy it. I will sell shit to bail you out, lol
      
      Reply
Kevin says:

August 2, 2014 at 12:47 pm

Perfection
My favorite Haiku from Car Talk,

Haiku confuse me
Too often the make no sence
hand me the pliers.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 2, 2014 at 12:51 pm
  
  LOL.
  
  Reply
Jess says:

August 2, 2014 at 6:39 pm

Just about the time I get interested in poetry, they come up with rules – and knowing the Japanese – if you fuck up, they place your head on a pole.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 3, 2014 at 9:19 am
  
  I thought it was just a ninja star to the head.
  
  Reply
  - Jena says:
    
    August 3, 2014 at 9:45 am
    
    We MAKE you perform Seppuku. You’re welcome.
    
    Reply
CGHill says:

August 2, 2014 at 10:46 pm

Excellent poem, with a genuine emotional wallop.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 3, 2014 at 9:18 am
  
  I am a very deep person and by “deep” I mean awesome.
  
  Reply
  - Ogrrre says:
    
    August 6, 2014 at 10:48 am
    
    And it is your awesome humility that endears you to your readers.
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      August 7, 2014 at 7:08 am
      
      And I’m very modest.
      
      Reply
Larry says:

August 3, 2014 at 5:42 am

That’s sad. Have some cake.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 3, 2014 at 9:17 am
  
  Mmm cake.
  
  Reply
Dannie says:

August 4, 2014 at 2:46 am

Wow he’s engaged? Wth?

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 4, 2014 at 7:04 am
  
  A WHORE!
  
  Reply
Erik says:

August 4, 2014 at 10:39 am

“A distant harvest
moon brightens this simple path—
Showing the way home”

And speaking of home, here’s a link to George’s Lake Como home: http://www.lonny.com/Celebrity+Homes/articles/esjI6p9oCJA/George+Clooney+Lake+Como

What you do with this information is entirely up to you.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 4, 2014 at 10:55 am
  
  Oh, those directions have been locked and loaded in my GPS since before the Judge told me some shit about so many feet away…
  
  Reply
Alison says:

August 4, 2014 at 10:48 am

I love haikus. I used to post them to great acclaim on Facebook. Mostly about my dog and stuff. Obviously, you have much more meaningful material to work with, Sensei.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 4, 2014 at 10:53 am
  
  Yes, about my lover George Clooney.
  
  Reply
Mark12A says:

August 8, 2014 at 10:33 am

I’m more of a limerick guy myself.

A Lexington asshole named Clooney
Whose politics were pretty damned looney
A hot girl with red hair
Court orders? Don’t care
Because over this clown she was mooney

Are capybaras good to eat?

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 8, 2014 at 10:46 am
  
  LOL. Taste like chicken.
  
  Reply