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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 Sundays are for pissing off Food Pic Haters and nursing a third-degree sunburn. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
That’s right, in all my excitement to get into the pool yesterday I literally cooked my lily-white-alabaster-Irish skin medium rare. I used 50 SPF, water-proof sunblock and reapplied it every hour on the hour and I still need to be airlifted to the nearest burn center. I think I’m going to need skin grafts and the only donation area I have that is unharmed is my ass. Luckily, because I can cook like a motherfucker (even on one hot plate) the area’s large enough to procure enough for the entire rest of my body, perhaps even the entire floor at the burn center. Just look at my Chicken Piccata:
I would type out the recipe for y’all, but I have to go put some aloe vera on with a paint roller and hook myself up to a saline drip. Just follow THIS recipe, it’s close enough, and skip the parsley. Ugh, who eats that shit anyway? Rabbits and posers, that’s who.
The chicken piccata looks amazing and since the only ingredient I don’t have is the parsley, this will be lunch today.
Be careful about the sunburn. Putting on sunscreen every hour doesn’t reset the clock on the protection and being a fair-skinned Irish gal makes you more at risk. You need a really big ass hat and we used to wear a long sleeve, white cotton shirt in the pool over our bathing suits. You don’t think about it when you’re young, but both my husband and I just got “things” cut out of the back of our arms. That is really scary.
Sorry for your misery…it must suck to be so sensitive to the sun. I suppose that this would be a bad time to mention that I’ve never had a sunburn, ever, in 55 years. The sun and I are soul mates. I just get more and more bronzed every time I walk to the mailbox. My family hates me, they all being blue-eyed and fair skinned. Not sure which delivery man is responsible for my dark complection, but whoever you are, I thank you!
Sorry you fried yourself !
Wasn’t Jack barking to warn you ?…or was he laying on his back in the sun – oblivious – dreaming about grilling ball park franks and not realizing that sizzling sound was MOM !?
I don’t burn easily and if I have gone out specifically to tan, I use Coppertone’s #4 oil – the lowest SPF out there. I’d go out between noon and 2pm, but only for 30 min. front and 30 min. on my back. Skipping a day in between the sunning days, I can get as brown as a paper grocery sack in about 9 sunning sessions.
But I was practically nude, and our backyard (not visible from road or neighbors) has too much shade now to do that…..I’m too old to be doing that shit now anyway…..I don’t want to look like shoe leather.
Hope you feel better soon !
Get yourself one of those floating lounge chairs with a big umbrella built in.
I have been reading your blog for some time now, but have never commented. I just couldn’t let this one go without saying..thanks for the laughs! I tried to read it out loud to my husband, but laughed through it so much that he was just staring at me blankly when I was done. Anyway, sorry about your sunburn but your skin grafting, rolling on aloe vera with a paint roller just cracked me up! I have had that sunburn before and it is not fun!
Practical Advice Alert: Get a Pagoda thingie built over your pool and weave a sunshade between the slats of the roof. Adds style, privacy and helps protect that fish-belly white skin.
Sorry for you troubles. But, on the other hand, it’s probably not wise to put up a food pic in the same post you talk about frying your skin. We might think that was your breast in the piccata and not a chicken’s. Would it be too weird if I now said that’s a damn fine looking breast?
There’s one woman in upstate SC who, I am told, hasn’t worn a stitch in about twenty years, and she doesn’t quite look like a stewed brisket, so I’m guessing that you just got screwed by whoever it was handing out sunburn resistance at birth.
The chicken piccata looks amazing and since the only ingredient I don’t have is the parsley, this will be lunch today.
Be careful about the sunburn. Putting on sunscreen every hour doesn’t reset the clock on the protection and being a fair-skinned Irish gal makes you more at risk. You need a really big ass hat and we used to wear a long sleeve, white cotton shirt in the pool over our bathing suits. You don’t think about it when you’re young, but both my husband and I just got “things” cut out of the back of our arms. That is really scary.
Meanwhile, enjoy that pool!
Okay, I’m done with the Mom speech now.
So help me God, I’ll never go shirtless again! (Holds tube of aloe vera up towards the sky all Scarlette O’Hara- like.)
So, sunburned person, after the skin grafts which cheek will you offer when you tell someone to kiss your ass?
I reckon there’d be enough scare tissue for kissing.
Black tea – brew it, cool it, splash it on (or soak in a tub full), don’t rinse off. Helps tons! (something about the tanins). Sunburns suck!
They sure do.
I always thought chefs put parsley on food to make things look “healthy”. Like we cared or something.
Hope your sunburn passes soon!
Me too!
Thank you for the picture.
Not the food picture, the mental one.
You’re welcome.
I see you are back in top form. That is a good thing.
Ha! I am glad my misery can be shared and enjoyed.
Sorry for your misery…it must suck to be so sensitive to the sun. I suppose that this would be a bad time to mention that I’ve never had a sunburn, ever, in 55 years. The sun and I are soul mates. I just get more and more bronzed every time I walk to the mailbox. My family hates me, they all being blue-eyed and fair skinned. Not sure which delivery man is responsible for my dark complection, but whoever you are, I thank you!
I burn even thinking about the sun. I’m like a vampire. Minus the angst.
My normal color is fish belly white. I look like I’ve been in the heat of a thousand suns after a very short time outside without any protection.
And don’t forget peeling! Such fun!
My normal color is almost transparent. YAY peeling!
That looks mighty tasty
It was indeed.
Sorry you fried yourself !
Wasn’t Jack barking to warn you ?…or was he laying on his back in the sun – oblivious – dreaming about grilling ball park franks and not realizing that sizzling sound was MOM !?
I don’t burn easily and if I have gone out specifically to tan, I use Coppertone’s #4 oil – the lowest SPF out there. I’d go out between noon and 2pm, but only for 30 min. front and 30 min. on my back. Skipping a day in between the sunning days, I can get as brown as a paper grocery sack in about 9 sunning sessions.
But I was practically nude, and our backyard (not visible from road or neighbors) has too much shade now to do that…..I’m too old to be doing that shit now anyway…..I don’t want to look like shoe leather.
Hope you feel better soon !
Get yourself one of those floating lounge chairs with a big umbrella built in.
Jack stays in the AC. He’s no dummy. I on the other hand…
I may enclose the whole pool so this shit doesn’t happen again.
And, umm, stop bragging about not burning while I’m sitting in a vat of lotion!
The chicken looks Awesome !
I’ve gotta try that.
I get so bored with chicken….Yuck.
The parsley is so you can say you had a vegetable.
It’s really good. I like it best over fettuccine. Pour the sauce over the noodles.
I am near-albino myself. And a lifeguarding instructor. When asked to teach a class OUTSIDE, I just say no. Indoor pools only.
My suggestion for “curing” sunburn is the consumption of Vicodin, morphine, or more gin and tonic. And don’t pop the blisters.
I will never swim in the daytime without a shirt on again. Oh and I like your remedy best.
Old Hoosier sun burn remedie: Apple cider vinegar it COOLs the skin and toughens it to reduce peeling…
I’ve been using it! Also a lidocaine sunburn lotion. It’s still ouchie.
I have been reading your blog for some time now, but have never commented. I just couldn’t let this one go without saying..thanks for the laughs! I tried to read it out loud to my husband, but laughed through it so much that he was just staring at me blankly when I was done. Anyway, sorry about your sunburn but your skin grafting, rolling on aloe vera with a paint roller just cracked me up! I have had that sunburn before and it is not fun!
No it is not fun. And thank you for commenting, I am always happy to hear from readers because it fills my attention whore soul.
Practical Advice Alert: Get a Pagoda thingie built over your pool and weave a sunshade between the slats of the roof. Adds style, privacy and helps protect that fish-belly white skin.
Sorry for you troubles. But, on the other hand, it’s probably not wise to put up a food pic in the same post you talk about frying your skin. We might think that was your breast in the piccata and not a chicken’s. Would it be too weird if I now said that’s a damn fine looking breast?
Only slightly weird. Ha!
As a matter of fact. I was toying with the idea of a slat roof thingie, actually over the patio by the pool…hmm…
There’s one woman in upstate SC who, I am told, hasn’t worn a stitch in about twenty years, and she doesn’t quite look like a stewed brisket, so I’m guessing that you just got screwed by whoever it was handing out sunburn resistance at birth.
On the upside, you’re probably a better cook.
I was definitely screwed on the sunburn resistance.
Every red-head I know does not get along with the sun. The sun will come back to haunt your ass years down the road, of course you know that.
I’d be all up and over that Chicken Piccata. Yes I would. I love it, and that looks double damn good.
You and The Juju Woman need to make it. It’s delish.