Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I don’t get into politics much. Hell, I don’t even know what party I pull for anymore. When I talk to people who are political and I give them my thoughts on things they tell me I’m more than likely a Libertarian. I don’t know. Just like I don’t know what religion I am anymore. Am I atheist? Agnostic? Pastafarian? T-Rexian? I don’t know anymore. And really? I don’t give it much thought. But, back to politics- I really am not political, and I don’t debate policy, and most of the time I keep private who I vote for. But one thing I like to do is to laugh at politicians, from all parties, and this includes J.
The following is the actual conversation word-for-word I had with J one night last week. It occurred after I met J’s lawyer and his wife at a function. This was the first time I had met the wife. She was soooo genuine and outgoing, one of those rare people that just drew you in with their enthusiasm and energy. Seriously. So anyway, we left the function and were driving back chatting and I told him how I like his lawyer’s wife, blah, blah, blah…
Me: “Where does she work?”
J: “She doesn’t.”
Me: “She’s never worked?”
J: “No.”
Me: “Ahhh, no wonder she’s so nice and outgoing. She hasn’t been jaded and ruined by working and having to put up with a bunch of back-stabbing bitches. She’s lead a pie life.”
J: “Oh, she has troubles, Laura.”
Me: ”What kind of troubles?” Wonders. Battling cancer? Mental Illness? A Cocaine habit?
J: “Both of their children went off to college and became liberals.”
Me: -
J: “They live in California now.”
Me: Bust out laughing uncontrollably all the way home.
So now whenever I’m talking to J and, say, I have a headache I will say “My head hurts, I think it just went liberal” or I’ll stub my toe “OWW! That corner of the desk just made my toe go liberal!” or I’ll mix myself a gin and tonic and say “My liver’s about to become liberal!” J just glares at me as I laugh and laugh and laugh.
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47 Responses to This is just how Republican he is.
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Oh Dear Oh Dear – now them’s serious troubles…
Just awful! Ha!
ahahahaa!! I totally agree!
And did he have a grave serious look on his face when he answered in the car?
ahahahaaaa
He did!
Your liver would never become liberal. Toes, yes. Liver, no.
*gives J a virtual high five*
My liver is in serious trouble though.
That is so true. My daughter went to college and started dating a Republican from, here is the really bad part, Ohio. My wife laughed for a month.
It freaks a lot of my friends out that I date a Republican. But ya know, I’d date a French Scientologist if he treated me well and I liked him.
Not just a Scientologist, but a French Scientologist. Now we know you’re serious.
You know it.
My daughter’s boyfriend is a nice guy. As long as she is happy then I’m happy. That doesn’t mean that i don’t kid her about it though
Ya gots to kid people.
Oh good lord! I’d take my kid being a liberal over having severe autism any day. Tell him to go baby sit for a parent with a special needs child if he REALLY wants to know what “troubles” are.
I know he knows this, he was just feeling all political that night and didn’t know what he was saying, so naturally, I won’t let him forget it.
It could always be worse. My two went in different directions – one is an ultra-conservative, and the other is an agorist. Holidays at my house are interesting, to say the least.
Ha! I bet!
I have never heard of “agorist” and had to look it up in the dictionary. Your blog is so very educational on so many levels. Thank you for expanding my mind.
And thank my commenters.
Thank you, Laura’s commenters.
I got very liberal this weekend with my gin and tonic! My politics are as follows: Fence-sitter, Devil’s advocate, righteous indignation, insufferable pompous ass, pontificating blowhard. I can never decide – I hug trees, yet somedays I want the damn asteroid to hit the planet. Just cuz.
I myself am a big ol’ ball of contradictions. Like you, I can kumbaya over endangered animal species and in the next breath talk about how tasty their meat must be. HA!
Ya know, Laura, teh liberals plan to lower the legal shit-faced limit to .05. Just sayin.’ Gin Nazi motherfuckers.
Bloody hell! Over my liberal liver they will! Ha!
It is all to much for me. I vote for the cute one.
Safest route. Ha!
Opposing team’s at the same table make for good conversation and great ideas.
I just want gin and cupcakes at the table.
You need to take the California girl out for a night and speak Southern to her, let her pop off a few. Get all up and radical if need be, and then find a place for her in our new town.
HAHAH! And I know just the place. Ha!
J cracks me up. You just knew he was going to dread ever saying that to you.
As he does most things.
LOL!
My job went liberal and I want the hell out of here!
Then quit! I did mine.. best thing I ever did.
I think my kidneys went liberal.
Add more gin to your tonic.
Becoming liberal can be bad stuff. It’s like having your brain sucked out your ass and finding nothing to replace it with but feces.
Apparently it’s a hardship for the parents.
All I know for sure is that I sure don’t wanna piss you off!
HAHAH! I’m not that bad.
Heh.
but that kids should be free to do their own thing not just be clones).
I had a friend, liberal Episcopal priest, had four kids by two wives. First son was uber conservative took his kids to Pentecostal mass 8 days a week type, second son would have probably been a Rastafarian in a different time and teaches English in Japan, third daughter is a pediatrician working towards being in Doctors without Borders, fourth son is a funny, funky, young man who has worked in a tattoo parlor, hair salon, and now manages a skater store in a mall.
Sounds J’s boss’s mom raised her kids right and they can think for themselves (not that liberal is the only way to be (though it is the best way
On a side note so glad you’re back to blogging though the minister’s wife isn’t quite up to par with your old crazy neighbor lady but I’m sure you’ll sniff out a new crazy neighbor given time
OMG I am so glad to be rid of Betty! Seriously. The only way that would have ended if she hadn’t moved away was her tasered and hog tied. She really was totally insane.
Your liver’s gettin’ liberal because it knows it’s going to need access to lots and lots of affordable health care.
HA! You’re probably right!
Hell, I dive right in. Republicans! We’ll talk about how awful the President is when you have a plan in place to make sure kids don’t go to bed hungry at night. Democrats! I will give a crap about global warming just as soon as you have a plan in place to make sure kids don’t go to bed hungry at night. Oh, and all of you can stop whining, and that one guy can stop with the waterworks every two minutes. Thanks.
Jump ‘em all, girl!
This thread is getting seriously political. Meh. Of course, my plan to make sure kids don’t go to bed hungry at night is…
“If you can’t feed them, don’t breed them.”
But I have no use for either democrats or republicans. I’m a member of the pomeranian party.
I was afraid it would…. I would like to register as a Pomeranian too. Only because they’re adorable and so am I. Shut. Up.