Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
Tuesday night I was bored and I started playing with my iPhone. Did you know I have an iPhone? An iPhone 5? With 64GB? Well I do, and I started playing the game Contre Jour, which if you’ve never played this awesome game, you need to start and you really need to play it with the sound on too. Anyway, I then went into the iTune Store app and was looking around at their ringtones and purchased about 4 or 5, maybe 10, I don’t know because I’m an impulse buyer with selective amnesia. Then I got sleepy and went to bed because shopping is exhausting.
Wednesday I went into work and there was an email about an important meeting with some highfalutin’ people and I had to be in there in about 15 minutes. I grabbed whatever papers I needed and went in. About 20 minutes into the meeting I received a call on my cell phone. Not only had I forgotten to mute my phone before going in, but I had forgotten that I had placed a newly purchased ringtone on my phone. To attempt to convey to y’all of what an awful faux pas I made, I texted J and asked him to call me so I could film my phone:
ANNNND I couldn’t get it out of my pocket before it all played! I fumbled like an idiot for what seemed like an eternity and then just stared straight ahead all mortified and said “Ooops, sorry.” You could have heard a pin drop in the room. THEN one of the highfalutin’ guys I was there to meet said “You sure you don’t need to take that call? It could be motherfucking important.” And everyone laughed and laughed.
Thank. God.
P.S. J just called because he saw my video and was all “I can’t believe you use a picture of Hitler on your phone when I call!” and I was all “Duh. I always have.” and he was all “You need to stop with the Nazi crap.” and I said “NEIN! This isn’t 1942 Germany, you can’t tell me what to do!” Then he hung up on me. Motherfucking freedom hater.
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63 Responses to And it’s not even Friday yet.
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Well, with highfalutin’ motherfuckers like that in charge, the motherfuckin’ company is in good hands.
There needs to be more highfalutn’ motherfuckers like that in the world for sure.
I would have been MotherFuckin mortified.
I was!!!
You are crazy girl!
No I’m not. My mother had me tested.
Poor J….. but I guess I would rather you use a pix of Hitler instead of ..oh.. I dont know… say… Howdie Doowdie? ya gotta consider both sides of the coin…
Well. if he had red hair and freckles I would. Wait. Maybe he has Howdy set for my call!! That Nazi sonsabitch!
Son of a Bitch! That was motherfucking awesome!
Well, at one point there it was not. Ha!
Bwwaahhahaaa!!! I AM laughing at you both!
And I hope you learned your lesson, which I know you didn’t so you better make another video when you motherfuckin fuck up! LOL
Girl, my adult life has been one motherfucking fuck up after another. I like to document just a few here.
Wait! What did you use to record your iPhone 5 with the motherfucking 64GB?
My old motherfucking Flip Video cam.
I want that ring tone, OMG that is fabulous…. Love it!!
It’s in iTunes, I know that for certain.
It is for that EXACT reason why I don’t down load Puddle of Mudd’s song “She fucking hates me” as my husband’s ring tone. With my luck, I too will forget and my phone will go off in class giving my students an ear full.
Do it!! HaHa!
laura, i motherfucking love you! you just brighten my motherfucking day and i’m so glad you’re back!
Well thank you, Amber. It’s good to be back.
Is that song set for all contacts or just J?
It was accidentally set for all.
I feel boring. I use “Naughty Naughty” by John Parr, “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne, and “Scare Easy” by Mudcrutch for my ringtones. Maybe I should include something like machine guns which would be motherfucking AWESOME in a meeting. Maybe at a school board.
Yes! They have “Say he’ll to my little friend!” with machine gun fire on there!
Gawd I love your blog – your stuff always makes me laugh til’ I cry! Don’t ever change, you are perfect just the way you are.
Oh My God! You can be my new BFF along with Wilson!!!
Now I want an iPhone just for that.
LeeAnn, you should get one! They’re lots of fun.
Ahh Laura Laura Laura. I once had a similar experience. I was doing a presentation in front several execs and customers, when my phone went off. Think Nickleback, “I like your pants around your feet”. All that saved me was one of the customers breaking out in uncontrollable laughter.
By the way, I know George Clooney. Actually I know his mom and dad better than him.
Ha! People with a good sense of humor can be saviors indeed!
Now, let’s talk about George. Can you tell his momma and daddy to tell their son to stop dating WHORES? I can’ t wait forever (but I will.)
I’m pretty sure Nina (his mom)tells him that all the time. But what are ya gonna do with a boy that won’t listen to his momma. Ahh.. maybe you shouldn’t answer that.
I was gonna say, I can think of a few things. And some of them are possibly illegal here in the Bible Belt. Definitely immoral.
…but definitely worth it!
~Honey
God, I love you. You are always there with a laugh when I need it. Thanks for having such a f’d up life and sharing it for our amusement.
Aww, Well thank you!. I am glad others can enjoy my pain. Ha!
I saw the pic and died. Twice over. And that was before I played the video.
I bet J now has a pic of Eva Braun set to your number
Ha! Well, that’s better than Howdy Doody!
Mutha Fuckin sweet! You are my kinda Beotch!
HaHa!
BAHAHAHAHAHA! They are obviously used to you by now (fortunately). Out of curiosity, do the people you work with know about/read your blog?
A few friends do. Most people I work with don’t even know what a blog is.
And most people here always expect me to pull some crazy shit. It’s part of my charm. HaHa!
A pink phone? Camoflauge in your red hair? The highfalutin’ guys have been waiting to cuss in a meeting! Next time don’t act like you hear anything.
Oh, I love the Prince Harry clip. Thought it was real until I saw the “real” clip. Good one.
Wasn’t that hysterical?! That’s how I run when I hear the ice cream man.
Not to worry, I hear they’re banning iPhones soon.
NOOOOOO!!
OMG! It’s an earworm! I’m never gonna’ get it out of my head! I’ll be hearing it all night!
I’ve been singing it all day!
That game is major cute and fun!
And don’t you just love the music?
I’ve spent all day wondering what the proper comment would be. I’ve decided your faux pas was much less embarrassing than a really loud fart.
Yeah, I don’t think anyone would have laughed at a fart.
When my husband texts me, the tone is a fart. I had my phone in my back pocket as I was walking thru a Walmart – I was standing next to a guy when he texted me. I almost died.”I SWEAR, IT WAS MY PHONE!!” He gave me one of those “Uh huh… sure.” looks.
I would have started fanning behind my butt. HA!
Finally, a ringtone scarier than mine. (Slightly.)
Ha!
Sigh. All I have is a cheap pay as you go phone that doesn’t even have voice mail and they just cut off the texting.
Motherfuckers.
Damn. You need a motherfucking iPhone.
I’m late to the party as usual. Still, I have to say that when you faux pas? You do it brilliantly! Oh, and I have an iPhone4 that my kids assure me that I will love… someday. As for poor J, I can’t help feeling sorry for him about the whole Nazi thing, but then I think of zombies and the necessity of having quality gear for survival, and I just crack up. Which makes me feel worse because now I not only pity him, I now laugh whenever his name comes up. It truly sad and just may be worse than your ring tone. What do you think?
HAHA! Just a tad.
And oh my God, you don’t like your iPhone?? Are you sure you’re using it correctly? You know simply “taking and making calls” is the last thing on the list of awesome things it can do.
Oh damn. I need that ring tone, and then I’d have people call me when I was in meetings on purpose.
Get it and I will call you. Ha!
Is that Depechmode?
HAHA! Ummm, probably.