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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day- Arrr, it’s only Wednesday and I think I have scurvy. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
I had a telephone conference with my broker yesterday because apparently my empire has grown so huge they needed to know what direction to take with the shitload of money I have (READ: they were worried I was homeless by now). We discussed where my money would be shifted around after I told him I wanted to retire “yesterday.” Near the end of the conversation he said “Do you have any other plans on how you can do an early retirement?” I told him I was actively seeking fame and fortune in hand modeling by posting shitty phone pics of my hands on the Internet, and that I not only buy a lottery ticket every week, but also a scratch-off. There was an awkward silence on the line as he waited to see if I’d start laughing or make some indication that I was joking. I didn’t, I just sat there. Then, breaking the silence, I said “Jeff, was there anything else you needed? I have scratch-offs to scratch and those shitty phone pics aren’t going to take themselves.”
Now here’s a shitty phone pic of my hand-modeling hands, because I don’t give up on my dreams, just saving money.
Nail polish is Sally Hansen's Salon Effects Polish Strips "Love Letters."
I figure I’m going to retire at approximately the same time the coroner’s office comes to collect me from my office. I hope they pay me for my accumulated vacation time afterwards.
Yeah, but you’d have applause from other employees first after you choked some jackass(es) that desperately deserved it before you got that hail of gunfire !
You have to have nails, it’s just a small sheet of polish you lay over your own nails. And thanks, now if only some nail polish companies will notice!! Ha!
I think you’re missing an opportunity here, Laura. You should be combining your shitty hand modeling pics with your Voodoo.
Paint the nails full of Santeria curses: chickens, dolls, mojo bags–then send them to people like your broker. They’ll be putting all their own money in your account like yesterday, and it will be voluntary (heh).
I am retired. And the 4 new tires cost a ton of moolah. And they didn’t look a thing like those cute nailey things you are wearing! Crap!! I gotta get a new keyboard. This one only speaks in Dumbass!!
What is this “saving” and “money” to which you refer?
I’m not really sure.
I figure I’m going to retire at approximately the same time the coroner’s office comes to collect me from my office. I hope they pay me for my accumulated vacation time afterwards.
They won’t.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure the sweet, cold hand of death is the only way I’ll be able to stop working too.
December 21, 2012.
May be our last day at work. At least that’s one positive thing about the end of the world.
Day before my birthday, so that’ll suck.
I think it’d really suck to die at work unless it was from a hail of police gunfire after you choked some managers out. Haha!
Yeah, but you’d have applause from other employees first after you choked some jackass(es) that desperately deserved it before you got that hail of gunfire !
Then that’d be worth it! Ha!
I really do love ur nails. do u have to have nails to use them or are they stick on nails?
You have to have nails, it’s just a small sheet of polish you lay over your own nails. And thanks, now if only some nail polish companies will notice!! Ha!
Jeff needs to start wearing some of that rad nail polish. Maybe then he would understand, you know??
Ha! I should have told him that!
OMG I love that stuff, It is so FUN!
It’s easy too and lasts a long time.
aaaaaaaaaah…. Retire…….the next four years will surely be interesting for all of us……no matter what happens.
It certainly will be.
True. So true. Fact: I am creating an exit strategy in case shit jumps off in this fucker!
I always have an exit plan.
I think you’re missing an opportunity here, Laura. You should be combining your shitty hand modeling pics with your Voodoo.
Paint the nails full of Santeria curses: chickens, dolls, mojo bags–then send them to people like your broker. They’ll be putting all their own money in your account like yesterday, and it will be voluntary (heh).
I cant be sending my nails off! That’ll hurt! I would however like for others to put money in my account…..
You are a riot!!! And those nails RAWK!
Everyone loves them. It’s all I can do to keep them from reaching for my hand, ’cause girl, I dont like strangers touching me.
A swift jab to the throat with the fingers would do wonders for a demo.
With bended fingers. I don’t wanna hurt my nails.
Forgot to add “Arrrggg”.
Well shiver me timbers!
“Early Retirement?” any retirement would be great but “Early?” Damn girl, I want your broker to invest my $$.
He’s good: )
I wish I had a broker. I have not exactly planned for “old age” I kinda thought Id be dead by now. Damn it!
To tell the truth I am shocked I made it this far what with all the rabies and exploding internal organs.
Yarr! Iy tought Iy’d be retirin’ ta Davey Jones lockerrr long agooo, aaar! But Iy’m still here, curse Poseidon’s Trident!!!
Arrr, ye needs to be swilling more rum so ye insides explode like a cannon.
Aye, Rum! That be me necktar! Come get me sirens, ye demons of the drink!!!
You do pirate too well. Are you Somalian?
Nay, me matey! These be Scotts, Irishmen and Englishmen, that speak the Yaarr!!!
I love that polish! Do they last a long time?
The last ones last about 10 days! Seriously.
I am retired. And the 4 new tires cost a ton of moolah. And they didn’t look a thing like those cute nailey things you are wearing! Crap!! I gotta get a new keyboard. This one only speaks in Dumbass!!
Ha! Are you into the gin? ‘Cause if I was retired, I would be.
actually I like Canadian Whiskey or any beer that’s actually cold. But living on a fixed income sucks.
Damn, you need more whiskey allowance.
Yar… them be some fantastic nails, matey.
Arrr, thanks (or whatever pirates say.)
On a bright note, I won two hundred bucks on a scratch off yesterday.
Dammit! I wanna win!!