I think I have stomach rabies. Or maybe it’s just gas. I don’t know, but belching makes it feel better. Never add two extra jalapenos when the recipe calls for one and then top it off with half a bag of Circus Peanuts for dessert. You’re just asking for stomach rabies. And while I was laying on Sofa Island, debating whether or not to call the Make-A-Wish Foundation and request a visit from George Clooney AGAIN, I watched “Mommy Dearest” and all I can say is the close-up of wild-eyed Faye Dunaway lounging on the white couch, wearing only a turban and robe, slowly massaging lotion onto her elbows, is without a doubt the most demonic scene in the history of cinema. Seriously.
Now here are a couple of photos of the pool area of the new house, before the yard clean-up and after. The pool will be drained and cleaned after the soffit and fascia is either repaired or replaced, the brick is power washed, and a new roof is on. Then “Operation Turtle Rescue” and/or “Dead Hooker Removal” begins.
Now excuse me while I go finish off that bag of Circus Peanuts. I’m suddenly in remission. It’s a miracle! You’re off the hook, Make-A-Wish Foundation. For now.58 Comments
Links to Enjoy
- Andrew Knapp Photos.
- Pot Noodles.
- The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.
- Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.
- Wake Up!
- Hitler's Home Movies.
- Subway Surfer.
- MC Mom.
- Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?
- Now I want to go to Iceland.
- Karaoke Hitler.
- Wake up! They see us!
- How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.
- A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.
- Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.
- Birds in Watercolor.
- When Taunting Goes Wrong.
- Google Sheep View.
- 3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
Cool looks like something from Dallas!!!
I am the J.R. of the South. I hope no one shoots me though.
I hope Jack is back to his normal crazy self and that your stomach rabies did not come back after the circus peanuts.
He is back to his normal crazy-ass self. I will tell him you asked about him. And I did survive the emptying of the bag of CPs.
Pool party at Laura’s house!
(Please remove the dead hookers first)
Are you sure? We could fill them with air and use them as floats. Like blow-up dolls, but smellier. Ha!
That is the best before/after pix I seen in a long time. all I can say is WOW!
Thank you, but its not even finished- just wait!
I do pools….. When they are clean.. with a float… and an umbrella drink….
Don’t we all?!
OMG… I want one!
Then get one!
Laura, that is just beautiful. I am so very happy for you. enjoy…
I shall, thank you.
are there any openings for your line of work… Im in! cool digs.
Assassins are in great demand everywhere. Fact.
WHOA!! I bet you and J will christen the pool with nekkidness! AMIRIGHT?!!! Right J?
As soon as it’s cleaned, repaired, and sanitized for our protection! Ain’t know telling what they turtles been doing in there.
That’s why I don’t drink water… fishes fuck in it. And poop..
I love water. It’s about all I drink besides my coffee and gin.
“…wild-eyed Faye Dunaway lounging on the white couch, wearing only a turban and robe, slowly massaging lotion onto her elbows, is without a doubt the most demonic scene in the history of cinema.
Thank you so much…I had suppressed that memory…and then you brought it back!!! Hand over some gin and circus peanuts to help me recover!
Girl, wasn’t that scary as hell? My momma could give looks when I’d do something bad and I would tremble and declare I’d never do it again. Fortunately, she was more tolerant if wire hangers.
Ha ! …I’ll bet Bette Davis loved that movie cause it made Joan Crawford such a horrible woman. Davis and Crawford did Not like each other. Somewhere on her IMDB.com page under quotes, Bette Davis said the most fun she had making a movie was in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane when she got to push Joan Crawford down the stairs ! Honest !, she really said that !…LOL
I dream of doing that same thing to several bitches.
Remember my suggestion about whatever you might or might not find when you drain the pool. Just a quick email, and a few guys would be around to pick up anything that might prove incriminating to, um, a close friend of mine. Who knows, maybe incinerating…
I’ll deposit circus peanuts in an untraceable Cayman Islands account. Mum’s the word.
Hahaha! Add a few pounds of bacon and we have a deal.
I hope you find nice, friendly turtles! The snapping ones you have to get rid of, but the nice ones you can keep as pets! They can be really cute!
I love land tortoises! I grew up with one. His name was Craig and we had him since before I was born until I was about 16. I loved Craig.
Aw! If you get another one, you should name him Fergus!
Shhh now, but I want a leopard turtle. Fergus would be a good name for a leopard turtle.
Your home is absolutely gorgeous! Can’t wait to see the finished product. You should have done an HGTV project and gotten paid for all your hard work plus you’d be on the telly and we could watch you dig out dead hookers and woof down circus peanuts.
As a side note, I love the links you post. Keeps me entertained all week long. I’m stealing the pic from Curiosity on Mars to post on my Facebook page. Love it!
They are there to steal. This is how the good links are shared!
I don’t think I’m the type to get all that free shit from the Internetz. Look at how I can’t even get any attention for my hand model hands! It’s insanity that a hand model agency hasn’t called me yet!!! Insanity!!!
Damn those crass jerks at the hand modeling agencies!!
I LOVE “before & after” photos! I can’t wait to see more.
Are you going to call that guy from Animal Planet, “The Turtle Man” to come clean out your pool?
I don’t know about The Turtle Man!! I dropped Animal Planet because they kept making me cry with their shows.
There will definitely be more before and after pics, especially with the interior. I don’t want to show the entire exterior because of privacy issues/Internet serial killers. But the grounds are fabulous and I love showing people. I am also going to show a few things in the house I found that I am keeping and not putting in the estate sale too. This is called “suspense.” ha!
I hear ya on the sad stuff from Animal Planet. I have to flip the channel when I see one of those really sad commercials or I’ll sit there and wonder why the hell I watch “Animal cops Detroit/Huston/what ever city” when it upsets me so. But if I’m watching the I.D. channel with all those criminal investigation shows I don’t bat an eye. Guess I like animals more than people! LOL!
Can’t wait to see what “treasures” you kept from the previous tennants and every thing else. I just love me some “before & after” stuff.
I’m the same way “Whatever people, get over it.” But let something happen to a baby hyena and I’ll collapse in a sobbing heap on the couch.
Ha! Be careful what you wish for. I may start posting nothing but house pics!
Nice crib, and a nice cement pond. I can definitely see you doing a little gin and juice out back.
Holy baby goat farm Batman, your new digs look awesome! I am way impressed. If you lived a couple thousand miles north, I’d also be insanely jealous.
Ha! If I lived a couple thousand miles north I wouldn’t have any of those damn Palmetto Bugs to worry about either!
The back yeard looks good now. Did you have to get a bulldozer to clear that brush? (Channeling John Wayne from ‘The Green Berets’ – “I want that brush cleared!”)
While clearing the pool, if you find any dead hookers, WITHOUT PAUSING, you have to say, “I did not put that hooker there!” Practice this as many times as needed to make it second nature.
Remember, its only a lie if you can’t sell it.
Haha! I’m practicing right now.
p.s. the Irish commentary on women’s olympic sailing has been taken down nearly everywhere
but it was still here as of now
Those sonsabitches! Thanks!
Holy cow, there’s a house behind all that forest? What a nice bonus!
I’ve decided that the more you clean it up, the less your house looks like it did in my Psycho Bitch Killer nightmare. Which is a good thing. Also makes me not want to visit, because maybe I’m channeling the memories of someone who was murdered at your home and whose body is lying in your pool.
Nah, probably not.
I would have paid extra for a whore ghost. Seriously.
Well, there’s your first year’s Halloween decorating theme taken care of.
I, too, love the links. Do you Stumble? The gorilla photo is by far the cutest internet post since Buttermilk. However, I have an irrational fear of flying rubber bands and that machine gun scared the shit out of me!
That’s the purpose of a machine gun!
No, I don’t Stumble- unless you mean fall down from awkwardness- then yes, yes I do.
Uh, I guess you are correct about the machine gun. Score one for Laura.
You should look into StumbleUpon if you haven’t. That’s how I found your site.
Really? I think I looked at it when it started. I’ll have to look at it again.
I am so hooked on it since she put a link to it. Seriously, Laura….. set it up.
That looks great !
Were the table and chairs already there, too ?
When’s the house warming ?
Can’t wait to see what’s in that pool with the dead hookers !
Once it’s clean….
Does Jack like to swim ?….will he be wearing a little doggie life vest ?
He’ll steal the floating pool lounger and have little shades on.
Sorry all the questions…I can’t help myself !
Yes- all furniture and stuff was there. I’ll post some photos of some things I’m keeping later.
Jack will get a life vest and taught how to get out of the pool on day 1. And yes, I’ll take pictures.
I tried to post a comment yesterday, but the interwiz decided to belch and the post was lost.
Anyway, watch for zombies. If they’re going appear anywhere, they’ll appear from a stagnant pool.
Oooooo target practice.