Never give up on your dreams. Unless you dream about riding a unicorn during your Queen of the World coronation while Lynyrd Skynyrd plays Free Bird live in the background and millions and millions of people across the globe celebrate in the streets by throwing Circus Peanuts into the air and dancing while chanting “Long Live Queen Laura!” because that’s pretty much never going to happen because Lynyrd Skynyrd broke up years ago.
That’s just a fraction of my stash of energy mixes I am constantly putting in my water at work all day, every day. This after a quad-shot iced venti latte from Starbucks every morning. One day my heart’s just going to explode in my chest, or more than likely, every blood vessel’s going to explode in my [...]
It’s Monday, it’s 1000 degrees, and I’m too annoyed to think of a title.
I was going to sign up for Instagram this weekend but decided not to. It’s another social network/photo share site where you take pictures with your cell phone, convert them to look like bad faded polaroids, and post them for your “friends” to see. I didn’t sign up because I figured it’d just turn into a train wreck like my Twitter did. [...]
Two years ago I saw a spectacular house in an idyllic neighborhood and I started to dream of baby goats and daisy bikes. It took my legal team (Read: one cross-eyed paralegal with ADD) two years to finally make that dream a reality due to tax liens, a family feud, and murder. Okay, I made [...]
Celebrity Talk with my friend Richelle.
Richelle: “Someone said the Jackson family is fighting. I need details!”
Me: “Guuuurl, I heard they went all Jerry Springer up in that mansion! Janet Jackson told Michael’s daughter, Paris, she was a spoiled bitch and Paris smacked her and Janet started smacking the hell out of her and Tito and Jermaine jumped in and their [...]
Links to Enjoy
- Andrew Knapp Photos.
- Pot Noodles.
- The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.
- Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.
- Wake Up!
- Hitler's Home Movies.
- Subway Surfer.
- MC Mom.
- Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?
- Now I want to go to Iceland.
- Karaoke Hitler.
- Wake up! They see us!
- How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.
- A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.
- Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.
- Birds in Watercolor.
- When Taunting Goes Wrong.
- Google Sheep View.
- 3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.