I’m locked out of iTunes and I’m freaking the fuck out. As you all know I got a new computer and, well, I transferred my iTunes library over to it where not only do I own over 400 songs, but I have dozens and dozens of movies and iPhone apps. I also have a massive store credit thanks to my crack-addict-like habit of purchasing iTunes cards every payday. Anyway, I transferred my stuff over, “authorized” the machine and all looked well. Then I went to rent a movie the other night and, as usual, it asked me for my user name and password, which I put in. Then it said I had to answer two security questions! I’m all “What the hell?” because it’s been years since I set up this account and I don’t remember having to ever answer any security questions. I clicked it anyway and the questions were so vague ( ie: Name a childhood friend) that I fucked them up multiple times and now I’m locked out! THEN I sent them an email explaining my dilemma and they sent back a reply basically stating “Oh, just send this back and we’ll reset.” So I did and what did they do? SENT ME THE SAME SECURITY QUESTIONS! So here I sit with no movie. I’m thinking it’s a conspiracy, that Apple is stealing my money to help pay for Steve’s cryo-unit. He’ll be thawed out after iPhone 112s is released, all fitted with an iLiver and shit. Frozen zombie sonsabitch.
Now here’s a rendering I rendered y’all to show you what it feels like to be robbed by a dead zillionaire:46 Comments
Links to Enjoy
- Andrew Knapp Photos.
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- Hitler's Home Movies.
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- Karaoke Hitler.
- Wake up! They see us!
- How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.
- A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.
- Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.
- Birds in Watercolor.
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- 3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
OMG! iLiver! What a brilliant concept!! We could have iHeart, iKidney, iColon, iEye, the list is endless. You should copyright it now because I think they can now grow custom organs for you from your own stem cells.
And BTW, I saw Matt Damon buy a zoo. Most boring movie ever. He’s much better killing people ala The Talented Mr. Ripley or Jason Bourne.
As for the clueless people at iTunes, just keep sending e-mails until you get the one person who actually knows something and can fix your problem. This can take at least a dozen tries or more. With iTunes, who I think contracts with India for their customer service, maybe you should assume it will take 24 tries. Just keep toking up while you wait. I’d suggest playing some music too but that’s obviously not an option.
Ha! I wish I could toke up! I’m prett certain Apple copyrighted everything with an “i” in front of it. Those sonsabitches.
Can you tell I’m up at friggin’ 2:13 a.m. because I ate a HUGE vanilla cupcake with about a pound of frosting around 11:00 a.m. this morning and I’m still buzzing. Crap.
Ahhhhh, a sugar high! I wish that was the reason I was up!
I saw “bought a Zoo” It was a good movie. entertaining. but predictible.
Sometimes senseless movies just make sense.
Damn security people. It’s a good thing they are not securing our country.. idiots.
They probably are our airports from what I’ve seen.
Steve’s cryo-unit? YIKES! Now thats creepy.
I guess it would actually be called a “cryo-chamber.” The head could be kept separately in a cryo-unit maybe.
I want a HUGE vanilla cupcake with about a pound of frosting on it…
Yeah, me too.
Yeah….that cupcake with Cream Cheese frosting.
I could eat that frosting with a spoon..
I’m way into iTunes, when it works. As you might know, my Mac 24 incher died after 6 years of 24/7, so I replaced it with a 15 incher and a external 19 inch Sony external monitor…just so I can drag shit back and forth. I got lucky, everything came across just fine. I do loves me some Time Machine. Never had to deal with a Dot.
I think my problem is I have too many devices connected to it. And I do understand they’re only protecting my account. I loves me some iTunes. I am lost, LOST I TELL YOU, not being able to get in there!! Netflix and Amazon just aren’t the same.
Pick up the phone….give ‘em a call?
That’s the plan tonight. I’ve called them before on my phone and they were super cool and fixed everything.
Damn identity safety Natzees. If they don’t get you fixed up pronto, you may have to resort to a iTunes free night of voodoo.
You mean a night of voodooing them!
Naturally. How else to punish those who dare deny you?
How much sugar and liquor do you need to eat & drink before tapping into this awesomeness of brainpower? iLiver – you’re killing me!
Lots and lots. And thank you.
That’s what you get for letting the hipsters into your wallet. Might be time for some off-the-grid therapy for you. The whore and hobo populations are about to take a nosedive, methinks.
Ring, ring, KABOOM!
Ya needs to go find a helpful 10 year old who can teach you some useful hacking skills, and then you need not worry in the future.
Ten year olds scare me.
I find I have to write down my security answers. At least I put them in a locked file, NOT under the keyboard.
Under the keyboard is for passwords and bank account numbers.
I went through the entire merry-go-round with google when MY blog and MY email got taken over – the passwords changed – and vulgar posts and vulgar emails were being done in my name. THREE TIMES I went through the email paperwork. My blog got shut down, but it SHOULD HAVE been returned to ME, the rightful owner.
The internet is like the wild, wild west. No laws. No governing. And we can’t even shoot the robbers.
I wanna live in a world where you can shoot all the bad guys without any paperwork even.
I think that the iPhone 112s is the one that is implanted in your brain. It’s mandatory for all and one of the apps “helps” the user in understanding the recently thawed out Jobs issued edicts. It’s a really time saver for the user that doesn’t have to waste energy on stupid things like free will. All hail the Mighty Jobs.
I for one would welcome our Dark Turtlenecked Overlord if I could get store credit.
iTried all day to come up with some snarky comment, but failed.
It’s probably just as well that Jobs kicked the bucket. He’s pissed you off, and that shortened his life expectancy considerably, what with your ninja sniper voodoo skilz and all. *I* would not wanna cross your path!
Unless I had circus peanuts to bribe you with.
You’d be pretty safe then.
iTunes steals my money all the time!!
It seems like your job as a secret agent or whatever should probably help with all that.
You would think!
It’s my experience that security sonsabitches are pretty much all cut from the same piece of [name of in disgusting substance], and they’re always trying to outdo one another. This is Apple’s “How can we one-up Google without actually asking for your mobile number, like they’re doing all the time?”
OH MY GOD I HATE that mobile number bullshittery!