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Birthday Loot. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Who has the best boyfriend in the world, I mean, besides that ex-wrestler WHORE Stacy Keibler?

I know it’s a shitty pic, but it’s anything but shitty. It’s my birthday present from J. A brand new Dell Inspiron One. It’s a touchscreen and has a bunch of other stuff on it and it’s so powerful that if NASA still existed they’d be calling me to borrow it to use for launching a space shuttle and I’d be all “OH HELL NO, NASA! Get your own. I gotta blog, motherfuckers!” and then I’d go back to surfing midget porn.

63 Comments
 

63 Responses to Birthday Loot.

  1. Holly says:

    Wow he actually got you something awesome! :D

  2. One Crazed Chick says:

    He must be trying to compete with George. Is it working? I’m sure George didn’t even send a card (yet)

  3. Ally says:

    Happy birthday..I love the owls!

  4. Yabu says:

    Nice ride, but watch your nails though. Touchscreen can be dangerous. Happy belated birthday!

    It would only be fitting if you got him back with a Schmeisser for his birthday. Y’all could share it.

  5. Michelle Belle says:

    That is one huge puter.. can I borrow it?

  6. Princess says:

    Someone loves someone!

  7. Tink says:

    You are so spoiled..Yeah I said it!

  8. Holiday says:

    I saw one of those once. It scared me.But it is so so so so so so cool.

  9. kelly says:

    niiiice. maybe you should focus a little more on J and a little less on George’s whores… seems it might be profitable ;)

    BTW… I never thought to ask: what did you think of the rock & rye cream cola?

  10. Tad says:

    Holy shit man. That is an awesome B-day gift. Jeeezzzzz, you are a lucky girl.

  11. Jeffro says:

    J and Laura
    Sittin’ in a tree
    K I S S I N G!!!!

  12. Now your neck will be forever bent forward 18 inches from the screen as you tap away. . . Hope he likes the hump-neck you develop from it. What a mean bastard!

    (My eyes are getting so bad that my arms aren’t long enough to have a touch-pad.)

  13. Jess says:

    I’m a neanderthal, so I had to research the computer. All I can write is that it’s a few shades beyond cool. The ad even says it can replace your TV.

    Do you ever get the feeling he might be trying to get in your pants?

  14. zonker says:

    Happy birthday!

    ps: Who knew that Nazis give the greatest gifts?!

  15. Jena says:

    sweet! J, my bday is Dec 10th!

  16. Alison says:

    Omigosh, I can’t wait to see all the awesome renderings you’ll be able to do with that! You could render J and GC having a “She’s mine!” smackdown on a pile of hobo bodies, with a baby goat as referee.

  17. diane says:

    hope your birthday is a HOOT. hahaha get it? i’m fucking hilarious today!

  18. SB Smith says:

    Well, that is Way TOO cool !
    Maybe use something else as a pointer thingy on the screen to spare those perfect nails (and that won’t scratch the screen) !

    Now I’m trying Not to think about midget porn….

  19. Liz says:

    What?!?! No Circus Peanuts or gin?

    Rip off!

    Happy belated birthday. Enjoy your loot. I can’t wait to see what great renderings you come up with on that thing. :-)

  20. PlayinPosse says:

    Tell him my birthday is Monday, I’ll take a smaller version!!

  21. DogsDontPurr says:

    You can have George Clooney…I’ll take J. He sounds like a keeper!

  22. rick says:

    J done ya good Laura. I’m telling my wife you’re off line for a while. Her Birthday is in about two weeks. I think. Happy birthday!

  23. Nicole says:

    Totally up there with a baby goat.

  24. Nicole says:

    And I’m not sure I mentioned previously but Happy Birthday!

  25. Larry says:

    I, like the owls, am staring in wide-eyed wonderment at the awesomeness.

    Oh, and Happy 21st Birthday! (you didn’t say, so I just guessed)

  26. Mark12A says:

    It would be way awesome if it was preloaded with downloaded stuff. Of course, my wife wouldn’t put on porn or rugby or bicycle races or anything cool like that.

    My rule: The quality of a computer gift is best judged by the stuff that came with it.

  27. Yay for Laura’s fun birthday! Yay for gifts from J! Yay for all the things that rhyme that I would like to SAY!

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