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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 Being an assassin is very hard on your nails, that’s why I’m thinking of changing careers. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Here’s my hand-modeling hand catching a short bus:
Polish is Orly's "Decades of Dysfunction" from their Dark Shadows Collection.
I’m thinking that if I don’t get hired to model nail polish, I should get a job naming the nail polish colors. That’s got to be one cushy job. I’ve even been thinking of a few color names:
Dark purple- “Punched in the Throat Purple”
Light Orange- “Circus Peanut Cornucopia Orange”
Dark Red- “WHORE! Red”
Green- “Pancreatic Explosion Green”
Medium Red- “Stab You Until The Voices Go Away Red”
Gold with Real Gold Flecks Throughout- “George Clooney Loves Laura Ledford”
And if any of you are Executive Vice Presidents of Cool and Awesome Nail Polish Name Development and are googling around and thinking about stealing any of my cool and awesome nail polish color name ideas, please refer to Dark Purple and then Medium Red. It isn’t just a color, it’s a statement.
Punched in the Throat Purple, Circus Peanut Cornucopia Orange… Brilliant. Love it. You need to have a whole line of say, Voodoo Nail Polish colors, and Vigilante Nail Polish colors, and Mail Room Sheriff colors.
“Pancreatic Explosion” sounds like a death metal band, so it’s bound to…blow up.
But “Stab You Until The Voices Go Away”is Double-platinum.
Ooh, platinum….hmmm, all the radioactive metals are about that color.
“Plutonium Plasm Spasm?”
“Nuclear Nightshade?”
Nah, I don’t have your talent.
Still you should explore the toxic metal shades…could get rid of a lot of WHORES that way. It’s a two-fer.
I’d definately buy “stab you until the voices go away” it’s definately matches my mood given how stressful my work has been. I deal with some real morons here.
You, my dear, are a genius! Those names are way better then the OPI lines that try to be cute.
I’d for sure buy the “Punched in the Throat Purple” as I love purple nail polish. I’d even try the “George Clooney Loves Laura Ledford” for something different.
Decades of Dysfunction – good name, but I like yours better, Laura.
*
I’ve had a SHIT morning, so I want to name a few colors myself, and I know they’ll be too long for nail colors.
If certain people will leave me the fuck alone after this AM, the Rest of my day will be much better.
Any Green – Gangrene
Deep purple – I’m choking you
Black – Crooked Politician’s Soul.(or is “crooked” too redundant ?)
Brightest Red – Anger Is But One Letter Short of Danger
Alternate Black name – Grave
Metallic gray/silver – Shovel with his name on it.
I had to change blogs, go anonymous, and – during the move – lost so many of my favorite bloggers. I FOUND YOU! (and you didn’t even know you were lost). Yesterday I actually took a photo of my nails so I’d say you were probably as bored as I was.
When I take my pic, I always look around to make sure no one sees me taking a pic of my hand. I don’t know, I just think it would loook kinda sad from the outside. HA!
I remember I used it to paint my Moms coffee table. I was all of about 5 yrs old. boy did I get cracked for that. Nail polish has a lot of uses…. when your 5…
Laura, just in case “Stab you til the voices go away” runs into some nany-state offensive silliness, you might try this approach. It’s probably just as offensive, but it’s also politically protected right now. Just sayin’…
Don’t know much about nail polish, but you’ve got the name game going on. Name one “Liquid Love” for the Juju Woman. Also, you will be the Head Nail Polish Girl in the New Town, and you’ll get another raise. We can sell whores by color. Haha!
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Laura Ledford, Happy Birthday to yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou! sorry I couldn’t hold me breath anymore…have a great birthday weekend.
Hey !..I just found the perfect color for those assassin days….well, maybe disposal days – Heh.
Ulta’s own nail lacquer “Concrete Evidence”.
I bought some yesterday and it is truly the color of concrete !
Couldn’t find it at Ulta’s site, but there’s a photo here: http://www.luuux.com/health-beauty/notw-ultas-concrete-evidence-nail-design-?
Laura, I hope you had a wonderful birthday weekend and that your liver survived all the birthday gin and circus peanuts. The only response required from you is one word – either “dead” or “dying”. If you are “dead”, we can send our sympathies and if you are “dying”, we know that you will recover – eventually, and we will at least know that you are alive. If you can’t type a response, see if Jack or Thelma or even J can help lift one of your hand model fingers.
Maybe if you had different things in your hand, you might get their attention? You know like the meduim red…. hold a bloody knife?
YES! That would be on the ads.
I wonder which pays more, assassin or hand model? Or maybe you could do each part time, and have the best of both worlds?
Hmmm… I want to be a lottery winner the most.
Punched in the Throat Purple, Circus Peanut Cornucopia Orange… Brilliant. Love it. You need to have a whole line of say, Voodoo Nail Polish colors, and Vigilante Nail Polish colors, and Mail Room Sheriff colors.
Oooooo you’re right!
I would totally buy those nail polish colors, Laura.
The Medium Red I would buy in bulk to distribute to “friends and family”.
I will put you down for a pallet of polish.
“It isn’t just a color, it’s a statement.” That’s the perfect tagline for nail polish. Better trademark that too!
Oh hell, more work. And thanks!
“Pancreatic Explosion” sounds like a death metal band, so it’s bound to…blow up.
But “Stab You Until The Voices Go Away”is Double-platinum.
Ooh, platinum….hmmm, all the radioactive metals are about that color.
“Plutonium Plasm Spasm?”
“Nuclear Nightshade?”
Nah, I don’t have your talent.
Still you should explore the toxic metal shades…could get rid of a lot of WHORES that way. It’s a two-fer.
Dude, I’m all about getting rid of more WHORES. Right now I can think of a certain wrestling one…
Were I an Executive Vice Presidents of Cool and Awesome Nail Polish Name Development, I’d hire you in a heartbeat. Nuff said.
Thank you. You should seek out that position.
I’d definately buy “stab you until the voices go away” it’s definately matches my mood given how stressful my work has been. I deal with some real morons here.
Do we work at the same place?
You, my dear, are a genius! Those names are way better then the OPI lines that try to be cute.
I’d for sure buy the “Punched in the Throat Purple” as I love purple nail polish. I’d even try the “George Clooney Loves Laura Ledford” for something different.
I want the Clooney one to be my top seller for obvious reasons.
Decades of Dysfunction – good name, but I like yours better, Laura.
*
I’ve had a SHIT morning, so I want to name a few colors myself, and I know they’ll be too long for nail colors.
If certain people will leave me the fuck alone after this AM, the Rest of my day will be much better.
Any Green – Gangrene
Deep purple – I’m choking you
Black – Crooked Politician’s Soul.(or is “crooked” too redundant ?)
Brightest Red – Anger Is But One Letter Short of Danger
Alternate Black name – Grave
Metallic gray/silver – Shovel with his name on it.
Naming colors is a great idea !
Thanks !
Better now.
Hmmm…I can see you’re pissed. Ha!
I hope your day got better.
Yes !, Thank You…It did get better. I was left alone the rest of the day and ended the day with friends.
I still like the idea of naming nail polish colors.
It’s easy to catch the short bus; it stops right in front of my house!
It parks at my job. Ha!
LOL! I’d wear the hell out of Punched in the Throat Purple! lol
And you better buy it if they pay me for it.
Your nails are jewels, grasping the mundane. The juxtaposition brings tears to the aesthetic zeitgeist.
And you don’t have any fucking hangnails! What’s up with that? You suck!
Don’t do any assassin work it will wreck the hands. Hire it out.
My hands are delicate things that mostly just draws, clicks on keyboards, and pulls triggers. Everything else is hired out.
I had to change blogs, go anonymous, and – during the move – lost so many of my favorite bloggers. I FOUND YOU! (and you didn’t even know you were lost). Yesterday I actually took a photo of my nails so I’d say you were probably as bored as I was.
Well I’m glad you found me!
When I take my pic, I always look around to make sure no one sees me taking a pic of my hand. I don’t know, I just think it would loook kinda sad from the outside. HA!
Wait!!! No PINK? something like “Puke Pink”? Boy I feel left out….
No pink.
I would paint my toes one of every color then wear sandals to work… yep!
You should.
Niiiice!, I love the Dark Whore Red… just my color.
Ha!
We used nail polish for lip stick one Halloween… yep..it stayed all night… and the next day… and the next day….and…..yep! we were so stupid.
OUCH. I saw on “My Strange Addictions” once a girl who drank it! Nasty. I bet her liver loved her.
She drank nail polish ? I saw the one who drank a few, or several ounces, of gasoline every day. Un-fucking believable.
Crazy as hell.
I remember I used it to paint my Moms coffee table. I was all of about 5 yrs old. boy did I get cracked for that. Nail polish has a lot of uses…. when your 5…
Lawdy, all I did was try to paint the cat’s nails. The cat cracked me for that.
Does it come in Camo?
I dont know what the hell I would use it for but Camo would be cool. I’d buy it for my girlfriend.
That sounds like a “special effects.”
I want to be the first to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW LAURA… Im baking…..
Baking??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA….VODKA FOR DINNER?
Thank you. Gin.
Laura, just in case “Stab you til the voices go away” runs into some nany-state offensive silliness, you might try this approach. It’s probably just as offensive, but it’s also politically protected right now. Just sayin’…
http://www.regretsy.com/2012/05/10/just-the-tips-nsfw/
HAHA! I bet I can draw some better. Ha!
Don’t know much about nail polish, but you’ve got the name game going on. Name one “Liquid Love” for the Juju Woman. Also, you will be the Head Nail Polish Girl in the New Town, and you’ll get another raise. We can sell whores by color. Haha!
YES! Make it easier for the men to call ahead for a whore.
Happy Anniversary of the Day YOU were Born! May all your gin and tonics and circus peanuts and George Clooney dreams come true!
Thanks for being you.
Well thank you!
Happy Birthday !!!
Hope you get to um…eliminate one person you’ve always wanted out of the picture…..or, if not that, at least Something else that’s Fun today !
Thank you!
I personally like one I came up with… Slutty Slutty Bang Bang Red.
That is a good one.
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Laura Ledford, Happy Birthday to yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou! sorry I couldn’t hold me breath anymore…have a great birthday weekend.
Why thank you!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I sent you a fabulous birthday present to the attention of Jack & Thelma. I’m SURE you’ll get it…LOL!
They’ll sell it on Ebay to buy catnip and porn!!
Hey !..I just found the perfect color for those assassin days….well, maybe disposal days – Heh.
Ulta’s own nail lacquer “Concrete Evidence”.
I bought some yesterday and it is truly the color of concrete !
Couldn’t find it at Ulta’s site, but there’s a photo here:
http://www.luuux.com/health-beauty/notw-ultas-concrete-evidence-nail-design-?
Ooooo I’m gonna have to get a bottle. Thanks!
I can’t get that link to work now, so here’s another one:
http://noeliesnails.blogspot.com/2011/05/ulta-concrete-evidence-my-second.html
The weird thing is that the bottle in the photo looks square, and mine’s round. Still same Ulta and color.
Cool color.
Screw the nail polish thing. The world needs good assassins. Just wear gloves and gently squeeze the trigger. It shouldn’t chip your polish.
I mean, I’ve got people standing in line just BEGGING to be assassinated. If you go out of business, we’re going to have a real crisis.
I am pretty good at it…
Laura, I hope you had a wonderful birthday weekend and that your liver survived all the birthday gin and circus peanuts. The only response required from you is one word – either “dead” or “dying”. If you are “dead”, we can send our sympathies and if you are “dying”, we know that you will recover – eventually, and we will at least know that you are alive. If you can’t type a response, see if Jack or Thelma or even J can help lift one of your hand model fingers.
Dyinnnnn
And thank you!
Seriously, if you die are you afraid that Jack and Thelma WILL starve or they WON’T starve?
Enquiring minds want to know.
They will have my bulbous head and giant thighs to chew on, so I’m figuring they’ll have about 7-8 months. HA!
If you want to borrow my edged weapon collection you’re gonna have to put my bus down……gently this time, please.
HA! Oh okay.
Geez, still no new post. I’m starting to feel like a stalker.
My absentee-ness is about to end! WOOT!