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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 Winning the Lottery of Love. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
George Clooney is campaigning for Obama, but I don’t care about that, what I care about is George Clooney is raffling off two tickets to have dinner at his house in Los Angeles with him and some other celebrities, and of course, the President on May 10. But I don’t care about the President or the other celebs, what I care about is getting close enough to George Clooney to work my charms on him. And by “work my charms on him” I mean empty the contents of a hollowed out ring I’ll be wearing into his drink. And by ”contents” I mean roofies. And by “roofies” I mean “Rohypnol.” And by “Rohypnol” I mean… shit, just Google it. Anyway, the Secret Service best not step on my game. Just to be sure, I’ll bring some Colombian hookers with me to distract them. By the time they stop arguing over price, I’ll be halfway home with my Boo in the trunk, stopping only for gas and Slim Jims and to occasionally open the trunk to gaze upon his gorgeousness, and oh yeah, check for breathing.
No need to keep checking on him, I’ll drive the getaway car, and you can keep in the backseat or get into the trunk with him! Problem solved! This way, you get maximum Boo time before we’re all caught and have to have the Other Crazed Chick bail us both out
Wow…politics and you weren’t able to weave religion in there…or a taser. DISAPPOINTED. Bad news…Clooney is gay and he and I are shacking up tonight. FACT. Move on.
Dude, seriously, stop closing your eyes and imaging things while you touch yourself and then start believing them as the truth. You’re totally losing touch with reality.
I know it’s wrong but I entered the contest and I clicked the link where you don’t have to donate any money to enter. I’ll probably win and George and Barbra Streisand will kick my ass for not giving any money. So out of guilt and to avoid a beating, I’ll be giving my winning tickets to someone else.
I think I’ll set up a lottery to decide who gets them……or maybe, I’ll just need a bodyguard to come with me to the gala.
Don’t forget to remove the dead hookers from the trunk before you stash George in there…don’t want your boo smelling like dead skank meat. That and you know how he is with dating hos…
Don’t go insane with jealousy, but I actually met Mr. Clooney in front of the 4 seasons hotel while I lived in New York. He is just as handsome in person as he is in print/film. Totally random that I just happened upon him, but he was very nice. Be sure not to damage his face (or anything else) when you stuff him in your trunk.
You must have been a Scout–you’re always prepared!
BTW, on the plane home from Atlanta yesterday, I read that Jackass’ Steve O *dumped* the ITALIAN WHORE due to her massive cocaine habit. How the mighty WHORE has fallen!! You’re welcome!
Dibs on movie rights! And I bet Mr. Clooney would play himself. He’s kind of edgy like that. As I imagined the scene of you peering at him in the trunk, I heard Captain and Tenille on your car radio, singing “love will keep us together…”
I can just see you distracting Boo with a charming, “So how do you feel about baby goats?” as you tilt your gorgeous model-y hand over his glass. You should also take a weightlifter as your date, so you don’t break a precious nail heaving GC’s limp body into your trunk.
Totally random, but I thought of you because I know you live nearby: are you into pick your own strawberries? ‘Cause the ones coming in around here right now are amazing and you should go get some. NOW. Then you can flaunt them in front of the sonsabitches at work. Also, strawberry juice makes good voodoo-doll blood.
I think you might have a logistics problem, Laura. As I recall, you already have a trunkful of dead hookers. Now, even if some are Columbian, I’m not sure you’ll get the desired reaction from the Secret Service with them in that condition.
Of course, you could use that extra ticket for a willing dupe close friend and have them drive that car while you dump the semi-conscious Boo in the limo.
Maybe you should take a handsome, extremely FIT male friend with you to distract “THE WRESTLER HO” while you make your escape with your Boo. That girl does NOTHING but work out so i’d bring a BIG friend with muscles…LOL! Good luck in your quest!!
I have my fingers crossed. Just be careful. I don’t want to read your blog as a prison diary, or worry about who’s taking care of your flying monkeys.
I’m betting I wouldn’t get much library time in prison to blog. I’d probably be in solitary a lot. Just guessin’.
LMAOOOO!! I hope you win!! LOL!! And I seriously pictured you peering in at him in the trunk! LOL!
Lookin’ down smiling whilst taking a bite of a Slim Jim and another sip of RC…
Damn, I hope you win! lol
Me too. J thinks my chances are almost slim to nothing now that I wrote this. He’s just jealous of my love for my Boo.
No need to keep checking on him, I’ll drive the getaway car, and you can keep in the backseat or get into the trunk with him! Problem solved! This way, you get maximum Boo time before we’re all caught and have to have the Other Crazed Chick bail us both out
‘Cause you know J won’t! Ha!
Yeah Yeah! When it comes to $$$
my name comes up…. I see how it is….
Have a five I can borrow ’til Friday?
Need some backup, I’d like to talk to that motherfucker. I also have bail money.
I may have to call you. Ha!
Put me in line, Yabu
Done!
Wonder why it’s TWO tickets? Surely they don’t expect you to bring a DATE!
I KNOW! It’s like they’ve done gone MAD.
Wait, I know. Bail Bondsman.
Or in my case- I now have a voluntary getaway driver so I can spend more “quality time” with my Boo.
Yeah, you definitely need a relief driver so you don’t have to wear astronaut/adult diapers as you drive across the country non-stop.
They’d have to way super absorbent. Like last even more than to the moon and back. Slim Jims make me thirsty.
Wow…politics and you weren’t able to weave religion in there…or a taser. DISAPPOINTED. Bad news…Clooney is gay and he and I are shacking up tonight. FACT. Move on.
You’ve had too many taserings. Just because you close your eyes and think of him when you’re touching yourself, doesn’t make HIM gay.
bbwwahahahaa!!!
hey now…I am not gay. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just saying. ps – hear that you and Jena are lesbians. Word on the street.
Dude, seriously, stop closing your eyes and imaging things while you touch yourself and then start believing them as the truth. You’re totally losing touch with reality.
Do you need an accomplice? Im available! Good luck!
C’mon! You can help me watch out for road blocks.
I know it’s wrong but I entered the contest and I clicked the link where you don’t have to donate any money to enter. I’ll probably win and George and Barbra Streisand will kick my ass for not giving any money. So out of guilt and to avoid a beating, I’ll be giving my winning tickets to someone else.
I think I’ll set up a lottery to decide who gets them……or maybe, I’ll just need a bodyguard to come with me to the gala.
Just don’t get Kevin Costner. He’s really bad at it.
Don’t forget to remove the dead hookers from the trunk before you stash George in there…don’t want your boo smelling like dead skank meat. That and you know how he is with dating hos…
I was planning on hosing him down good once I get him into the “Basement of Love.” Ha!
You must have very strong teeth to be able to eat those Slim Jims. Trying to bite off a piece of those things could rip out a molar!
I like ‘em. They’re like survival food, but with more grease.
Wishing you the best of luck !
You were the first person I thought of when I heard they were doing that chance to have dinner with George.
Because of my great love for him.
Don’t go insane with jealousy, but I actually met Mr. Clooney in front of the 4 seasons hotel while I lived in New York. He is just as handsome in person as he is in print/film. Totally random that I just happened upon him, but he was very nice. Be sure not to damage his face (or anything else) when you stuff him in your trunk.
I will wrap him in bubble wrap, allowing, of course, for an airway.HA!
You must have been a Scout–you’re always prepared!
BTW, on the plane home from Atlanta yesterday, I read that Jackass’ Steve O *dumped* the ITALIAN WHORE due to her massive cocaine habit. How the mighty WHORE has fallen!! You’re welcome!
HA! Voodoo works!
Dibs on movie rights! And I bet Mr. Clooney would play himself. He’s kind of edgy like that. As I imagined the scene of you peering at him in the trunk, I heard Captain and Tenille on your car radio, singing “love will keep us together…”
Ha! Or “Close to You” by the Carpenters.
I can just see you distracting Boo with a charming, “So how do you feel about baby goats?” as you tilt your gorgeous model-y hand over his glass. You should also take a weightlifter as your date, so you don’t break a precious nail heaving GC’s limp body into your trunk.
Ooooo good idea. Must keep the nails lookin’ good.
You go gurl
I hope so.
what happens if you also slip him some E? Hmmm.. you may also need some handcuffs and/or duct tape. And a feather duster… guys like those.
He can clean my house if he likes feather dusters. Homie don’t play no games. Ha!
Totally random, but I thought of you because I know you live nearby: are you into pick your own strawberries? ‘Cause the ones coming in around here right now are amazing and you should go get some. NOW. Then you can flaunt them in front of the sonsabitches at work. Also, strawberry juice makes good voodoo-doll blood.
This has been a public service announcement.
We do indeed have Pick Your Own strawberry fields. They aren’t amazing, so perhaps I should go where you are. Don’t worry, I won’t bring roofies. HA!
I’m not worried; I look nothing like George Clooney.
“Roofies are red,
Bruises are blue,
If you are George Clooney,
I want you.”
I should tell him that right before the rookies kick in.
I think you might have a logistics problem, Laura. As I recall, you already have a trunkful of dead hookers. Now, even if some are Columbian, I’m not sure you’ll get the desired reaction from the Secret Service with them in that condition.
Of course, you could use that extra ticket for a
willing dupeclose friend and have them drive that car while you dump the semi-conscious Boo in the limo.Ha! I will bury the hookers and spritz it with Febreeze before heading for California.
When you’re done date raping Clooney, ask him why he supports that assclown. I’m just curious…
I don’t want him for conversation. HA!
Maybe you should take a handsome, extremely FIT male friend with you to distract “THE WRESTLER HO” while you make your escape with your Boo. That girl does NOTHING but work out so i’d bring a BIG friend with muscles…LOL! Good luck in your quest!!
Or a taser. Drop her like a sack of taters.