2011 | Fetch My Flying Monkeys

Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

From the yearly archives: 2011

Sometimes I get sad and wonder why a lot of my friends stopped talking to me. Was it something I did or said? Then I realize it’s only because they couldn’t survive in the shadow of my awesomeness and suddenly I’m not sad anymore. Then I add them to my voodoo list and I feel even better.

By Laura On November 12, 2011 · 44 Comments

It’s my friend Richelle’s birthday today and I wanted to show y’all a few of the things I got her for her special day:

Cock Flavoured Soup and a Singing Justin Bieber Toothbrush. I think I am going to get all my other friends (both male and female) the exact same things for Christmas, along with [...]

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It’s Veterans Day so I’m planning my day by looking over a map of restaurants I made that are giving veterans free desserts, so I’ll keep this short.

By Laura On November 11, 2011 · 78 Comments

A Friday List Of Random Crap

1. I actually said this to one of my friends this week: “You need to sit down and ask yourself why you know so many people with no teeth when you don’t even work for a carnival.”

2. I started a list of my nemeses. It’s not complete, but [...]

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Traumatized.

By Laura On November 9, 2011 · 95 Comments

I called J yesterday between work and classes. The following is the exact conversation to the best of my recollection:

Me: “Whatcha doing?”

J: “Reading about the price of peanuts going through the roof.”

Me: “Yeah, I heard that was going to happen. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t like peanut butter sandwiches all that much.”

[...]

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“And I was like baby, baby, baby, oh.”

By Laura On November 8, 2011 · 54 Comments

Richelle: “I think that’s Justin Bieber’s baby that girl had.”

Me: “We’ll never know.”

Richelle: “Yes we will, he’s going to do a paternity test next week.”

Me: “Girl, if it’s his, he’ll give her a few millions to tell everyone it’s not and make her go away and live in a mansion somewhere where she’ll get a [...]

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Links to Enjoy

Moth.

BIRDS!

Andrew Knapp Photos.

Pot Noodles.

The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.

Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.

Rescued!

Wake Up!

Hitler's Home Movies.

Adopted!

Subway Surfer.

MC Mom.

Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?

Now I want to go to Iceland.

AYA!

Karaoke Hitler.

Wake up! They see us!

Wasted.

How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.

A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.

Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.

Birds in Watercolor.

When Taunting Goes Wrong.

Google Sheep View.

3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
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Sometimes I get sad and wonder why a lot of my friends stopped talking to me. Was it something I did or said? Then I realize it’s only because they couldn’t survive in the shadow of my awesomeness and suddenly I’m not sad anymore. Then I add them to my voodoo list and I feel even better.

It’s Veterans Day so I’m planning my day by looking over a map of restaurants I made that are giving veterans free desserts, so I’ll keep this short.

Traumatized.

“And I was like baby, baby, baby, oh.”

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