2011 | Fetch My Flying Monkeys

Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

From the yearly archives: 2011

This post is disturbing on many levels, which only makes it awesome. But not really. I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.

By Laura On December 19, 2011 · 58 Comments

I had just gotten finished eating a Christmas lunch at work Friday when the contractions started. At first they were mild, and then they started getting stronger and closer together. Beads of sweat started popping out on my forehead. I felt dizzy. I didn’t want my food baby to be born at work. That’s just gross. So I started [...]

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You don’t have to thank me now, you can thank me after your coronary angioplasty.

By Laura On December 18, 2011 · 53 Comments

My friend gave me this recipe a few months ago and I have made it a couple times. It’s delicious. It makes a ton and can feed a small army and reheats nicely. The first time I made it I was at the grocery store without a list and bought tater tots instead of hash [...]

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This has been the longest work week in recorded history but it’s finally Friday and I’m ready to get my weekend on so it can start all over again next week and then that could be the longest work week in recorded history. Shit. It’s a vicious cycle.

By Laura On December 16, 2011 · 62 Comments

Me: “I wish I could retire tomorrow and move out of Columbia and get a baby goat.”

J: “Well that’s a simple dream. It’s doable.”

Me: “I’m serious. I want to do it now. I’d be happy in a small house and just enough money for me and my animals and my goat.”

J: “You’d get bored.”

Me: [...]

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“To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.” ~Conan the Barbarian

By Laura On December 14, 2011 · 86 Comments

I came back from lunch yesterday to find this letter on my desk:

Beneath it was this:

Nice try, but the war will continue until an unconditional surrender is tendered. Thank you for the magazine. Now lets talk about a Michael Kors purse I saw not on sale the other day.

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Links to Enjoy

Moth.

BIRDS!

Andrew Knapp Photos.

Pot Noodles.

The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.

Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.

Rescued!

Wake Up!

Hitler's Home Movies.

Adopted!

Subway Surfer.

MC Mom.

Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?

Now I want to go to Iceland.

AYA!

Karaoke Hitler.

Wake up! They see us!

Wasted.

How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.

A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.

Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.

Birds in Watercolor.

When Taunting Goes Wrong.

Google Sheep View.

3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
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This post is disturbing on many levels, which only makes it awesome. But not really. I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore.

You don’t have to thank me now, you can thank me after your coronary angioplasty.

This has been the longest work week in recorded history but it’s finally Friday and I’m ready to get my weekend on so it can start all over again next week and then that could be the longest work week in recorded history. Shit. It’s a vicious cycle.

“To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.” ~Conan the Barbarian

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