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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.” ~Conan the Barbarian | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
I came back from lunch yesterday to find this letter on my desk:
Beneath it was this:
Nice try, but the war will continue until an unconditional surrender is tendered. Thank you for the magazine. Now lets talk about a Michael Kors purse I saw not on sale the other day.
oooooooo..One of the most importance things in a battle is to know you opponent.. Honey they really got you pegged… But alas you are not cheap…. easy, but not cheap.. Hhhahhahhahahahhahaa.
That retard needs to learn how to punctuate a sentence. The comma is not necessary and there is no question mark. Also, the “from” is completely unnecessary and poor grammar besides.
Clearly the culprit is a sloppy smoker. That’s a clue…plus, based on the handwriting, they either have the shakes (you didn’t write this…right?) or are 6 years old. More clues. I anxiously await an appointment in your Army…just don’t sit me next to the Minister of Grammar…these parens and ellipsis may lead to violence.
The title for this post is one of my favorite movie quotes ever. And so true. Compromise is for the birds. And if you notice, offers of compromise are generally only ever offered by those who have just realized their asses are on the verge of getting kicked really painfully hard. It’s nothing more than an attempt to get an opponent to desist so they can remarshall their efforts for a new battle another day.
Fuck that!
A wise general doesn’t quit till his opponents are totally crushed and broken in spirit and willing to accept whatever terms are handed down to them.
I also learned that from growing up with all brothers. I had to leave them broken and bleeding and holding onto their balls crying or else they would get up, re-group, and kick my ass.
George Clooney? I would have tempted you with the Burt Reynolds 1972 centerfold in Cosmopolitan magazine. yup. or maybe Joe Namath in his pantyhose commercial.
Hah, those are holes were obviously made by a cigarette and not tracer rounds! Oh, and there’s no rush on returning my copy of US Army TM 31-210 (Special Forces Improvised Munitions Field Manual Guide). I’m sure you’re finding it quite informative.
If they don’t offer George Clooney draped with Michael Kors purses, there IS no peace. Never wake a sleeping giant. Or Laura without gin and circus peanuts handy.
Stupid bitches. Lost the war before it ever began.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, but you are now a couple of degrees closer to Clooney:
I just remembered that my husband had been good friends with John Aylward, who was on the show ER with George. (He was also in a few of another mutual friend’s short films. John, not George). Yes, I know…you need a spreadsheet to figure that out! But that means you are only like 4 degrees of separation away! Close…you’re very close now!!
Are you going to have George pose with the goats wearing the hats ?
I still want George to make a movie that’s a bio of Clark Gable. He’d be perfect for that.
Ooohh, that’s a low blow – threatening your boo. Bunch ‘O Bitches, anyhow.
Yeah! Bunch O’Bitches.
oooooooo..One of the most importance things in a battle is to know you opponent.. Honey they really got you pegged… But alas you are not cheap…. easy, but not cheap.. Hhhahhahhahahahhahaa.
Don’t believe everything written on a bathroom wall.
LMAO!! Go for the purse!!
I would personally deliver their packages to their desks for a Michael Kors purse. Fact.
KILL THEM WITH FIRE!!! DAMN that George Clooney is sexy!
BTW- I love your Links To Enjoy.
Back off, sistah. Ha!
Thanks. I enjoy finding them.
That retard needs to learn how to punctuate a sentence. The comma is not necessary and there is no question mark. Also, the “from” is completely unnecessary and poor grammar besides.
NUKE ‘EM!
You will be my Nazi Grammar General in my army against the bitches.
Wow, looks like she’s been reading the grammar book J sent you! LOLOLOL
There would more curse words.
I’m honored!
But, can I change it around a bit? Say, Grammarian General, for instance? Nazi Grammar General is a tad weird for a Jew.
Also, do I get a pension after my service? I could use the entitlement.
Well, you don’t really “retire” from my army. When my people can no longer serve me they are sold to China. What happens after that, I have no idea.
Awesome! I always wanted to see China!
Laura, I just wanted to tell you that I love your blog! You never know what you’re going to find when you click into it.
Usually you’ll just find craziness.
Thanks, Kimmie.
We will not negotiate with terrorists! Nor will we be swayed by bribery (but you’re welcome to keep trying!)
Negotiations bad. Bribes good.
They attempt to ask you about the napalm? AS IF!!
Like you would ever divulge wartime secrets to anyone.
I know right?? Like it’s my first time to this rodeo.
ZOMG? Jack??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDyOD1C67J0
Haha!
He was the model for that toy. It’s kinda what he does best.
Don’t let up. No truce. When the painkillers wear off, they will writhe in agony and beg for mercy. That’s when you get a dozen Michael Kors purses.
You have officially been appointed General of War Strategies in my army.
War cannot end in peace until one side wins and the other loses. Go get ‘em gurl.
You are so right.
Clearly the culprit is a sloppy smoker. That’s a clue…plus, based on the handwriting, they either have the shakes (you didn’t write this…right?) or are 6 years old. More clues. I anxiously await an appointment in your Army…just don’t sit me next to the Minister of Grammar…these parens and ellipsis may lead to violence.
ps – Erinyes might be a Nazi. Be forewarned.
Erinyes has freely admitted to being a Grammar Nazi. I have had years and years of dealing with Nazis (J). One more doesn’t hurt.
adds new meaning to “sleeping with the enemy”
I know, right?
Actually, Nickster, I’m Jewish. See above.
I did freely admit to being a grammar nazi, but, in retrospect, I would like to amend my new title and drop the “Nazi” part.
By the way, it’s “these…ellipsEs”. Ellipsis is the singular form.
Yeah, I wish there was a better word than “nazi” but there really isn’t. A grammar hun just doesn’t have the same ring.
Yep. And grammar vandal sounds like the people who are actually mangling grammar…
Tsar of all the Grammars?
Gotta be a group everyone hates….Grammar Westboro Baptist?
Damn…double F-up on my part. Now I will never get my commission! Gotta run…Mel Gibson is texting me again. He never quits.
I used to love me some Mel before he proved he was batshit crazy.
And here I thought that smooth talker had all the women at “sugartits”!
He’s really a big for sure.
he’s just playing hard to get…like George.
Since you have a Seat at the Table in the new town, you will be issued a Flamethrower to use as you choose.
I want two. I don’t want to have to keep going back to get the tanks filled.
Hell, lets make it four.
FIVE! And call it a day.
I’ll make it an even SIX. Deal!
BTW, did you know they opened a Michael Kors outlet at the beach too? I found it right as I was getting that nasty STD
Then we must go! But only if there’s no STDs there. There is a limit to what I will do for a Micheal Kors purse, believe it or not.
I’m thinking that George should deliver your purse in person – that might be an appropriate bribe. Shoot for the stars and then shoot them bitches.
And he should deliver it in the nude.
Only if I get to be there!!
The title for this post is one of my favorite movie quotes ever. And so true. Compromise is for the birds. And if you notice, offers of compromise are generally only ever offered by those who have just realized their asses are on the verge of getting kicked really painfully hard. It’s nothing more than an attempt to get an opponent to desist so they can remarshall their efforts for a new battle another day.
Fuck that!
A wise general doesn’t quit till his opponents are totally crushed and broken in spirit and willing to accept whatever terms are handed down to them.
I also learned that from growing up with all brothers. I had to leave them broken and bleeding and holding onto their balls crying or else they would get up, re-group, and kick my ass.
Epic Conan quote…I have a friend who married his wife because she quoted that line.
Stand firm, Laura. It may be time to employ the nuclear option.
Oooo but to dream…
I think Conan the Barbarian would have been an awesome HR person.
Ha! Wouldn’t he though!
Goat story for ya.
Merry Christmas!
http://news.yahoo.com/three-legged-goat-shares-special-bond-rescuer-163046180.html;_ylt=AqMuAW0An9S0.udHNBcYqp.s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTNtYzduNDExBG1pdANUb3BTdG9yeSBGUARwa2cDYzdkMWZmYTMtYjlkMi0zNGFlLTgwOWMtNGE2NTFmNDhmOWI0BHBvcwMxOARzZWMDdG9wX3N0b3J5BHZlcgM2MGViZjBhMC0yNjUwLTExZTEtOWZhYS0yYWYzNmVlNWFlYzk-;_ylg=X3oDMTFvdnRqYzJoBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDBHBzdGNhdANob21lBHB0A3NlY3Rpb25zBHRlc3QD;_ylv=3
Jesus. There went my Christmas bonus.
I like the jacket George is wearing! When you get George, you’re going to take his clothes off, anyway, right? Can I have the jacket?
Sure. Want the pants too?
You keep the pants! That’s where the wallet is!!!
YES! I almost forgot thinking about his nekkidness!
George Clooney? I would have tempted you with the Burt Reynolds 1972 centerfold in Cosmopolitan magazine. yup. or maybe Joe Namath in his pantyhose commercial.
Then your village would have burned! Ha!
Hah, those are holes were obviously made by a cigarette and not tracer rounds! Oh, and there’s no rush on returning my copy of US Army TM 31-210 (Special Forces Improvised Munitions Field Manual Guide). I’m sure you’re finding it quite informative.
That should read “Those are holes that were obviously made by a cigarette…..” and yes, I am on pain killers today.
Understandable.
Indeed I am… HEY, why do ao many pages stick together?
Bribery is my favorite! George Clooney and Michael Koors make me happy too!
I like ‘em all!!
There’s fear in that handwriting. You are winning.
It ooozes fear doesn’t it?
If they don’t offer George Clooney draped with Michael Kors purses, there IS no peace. Never wake a sleeping giant. Or Laura without gin and circus peanuts handy.
Stupid bitches. Lost the war before it ever began.
They really did you know.
They don’t know about powdered laundry soap and gasoline? Amateurs!
I doubt they do.
And when you get the purse, smack them repeatedly about the head and shoulders with it.
No quarter!!! No Surrender!!!
YEAH! Those sonsabitches!
Do your coworkers read your blog?
Jst a few friends from there.
Ohhhh…I know about those Michael Kors purses.
DEMAND THE ONE YOU WANT !…plus an extra one for good measure.
YES! Two would be best.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, but you are now a couple of degrees closer to Clooney:
I just remembered that my husband had been good friends with John Aylward, who was on the show ER with George. (He was also in a few of another mutual friend’s short films. John, not George). Yes, I know…you need a spreadsheet to figure that out! But that means you are only like 4 degrees of separation away! Close…you’re very close now!!
Soon. He will be mine.
Are you going to have George pose with the goats wearing the hats ?
I still want George to make a movie that’s a bio of Clark Gable. He’d be perfect for that.
He will be too busy posing in the bedroom…