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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 “We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.” ~General George S. Patton | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.” ~General George S. Patton
It didn’t take me long to figure out who was disrespecting my authority in the mailroom by leaving packages thrown around scribbled with pro-anarchy, war-inciting, and probably federally prosecutable graffiti.
I knew I just had to bide my time. I knew one day a package would come addressed to them and when that day came I would extract my revenge.
74 Responses to “We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.” ~General George S. Patton
OMG what if there was a baby hippo in there… OMG….where the hell did you get that dagger….they let you guy have that kind of weaponry in you OFFICE….You are so frickin cool!
Hmmm….there’s also unconventional clandestine warfare to be used. Such as finding out the enemy’s perfume of choice (assuming the enemy is a woman), buying a bottle of that perfume, but dumping out the contents and filling it back up with (use your imagination), then mailing it to the enemy from ‘secret office admirer’.
You’ll have struck a blow and the enemy won’t know what hit ‘er, or where the blow came from.
One of the most gawd-awful smells in the world, un-neutered male cat urine perhaps? I have a source (one of my friends is a veterinarian) and so what if a few vials go missing in the lab…
I too feel sorry for the poor packages. after all it is Christmas time and so many packages will be violated….hhehhehehhe is there any way there could be a short film of reactions? I’m sure you could probably enter it in the film festival……
If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
William Shakespeare
The furry sticker/toad sticker combo is impressive. If they are silly enough to mount another attack, there’s always the Christmas Spider sticker/venom combo to really set an example for others.
Nothing like some green rigor in a cubicle to brighten everyone’s holiday.
But, it’s got a cute little bear sticker on it. How can anyone not recognize the authority of the Mail Room Sheriff when there is a cute little bear sticker on it. It’s so cwute!
Get ‘em, they are obviously heartless if they haven’t acknowledged your superiority.
LOL! That note is fantastic, but that sticker is EPIC!
I thought the sticker added a nice touch.
I love the dagger sticking out of the box! LMFAO!!
That there be my new letter opener.
Gotta love a woman who can quote Patton.
He was badass.
OMG what if there was a baby hippo in there… OMG….where the hell did you get that dagger….they let you guy have that kind of weaponry in you OFFICE….You are so frickin cool!
That’s why I put air holes in it. Assassins get issued some cool equipment don’t ya know.
I would love to see the weapons rack in your Hummer….I’ll bet it would put anyone in Awe!!
Ha! The Hummer is J’s. And yes…I’ve been collecting for years : )
Will that letter opener soon break apart as it is tossed at one of the bitches?
HAHA! Let’s hope not.
Hmmm….there’s also unconventional clandestine warfare to be used. Such as finding out the enemy’s perfume of choice (assuming the enemy is a woman), buying a bottle of that perfume, but dumping out the contents and filling it back up with (use your imagination), then mailing it to the enemy from ‘secret office admirer’.
You’ll have struck a blow and the enemy won’t know what hit ‘er, or where the blow came from.
One of the most gawd-awful smells in the world, un-neutered male cat urine perhaps? I have a source (one of my friends is a veterinarian) and so what if a few vials go missing in the lab…
Cat ANAL GLANDS!
Ooo yeah and abcess juice.
Both you and Patton know how to go postal. That’s a good trait.
And we both fight Nazis. HA!
An escalation of hostilities!
How positively festive! It’s nice to know your co-workers are just.like.family.
HAHAH! And just as crazy as my crazy-ass papaw!
Whoever that is was just plain stupid. Everyone knows the person in charge of mail holds everyone else by the short hairs.
I wish I could have seen their face when they picked the package up
It was priceless.
I think a few more stab wounds to the box would be nice! You know ventilation for the dead stuff inside. Like their heart.
I kicked it over to them. Ha!
Between Patton and this comment, you have broken one of my ribs with the weapon of laughter. GOOD JOB!!!
Thank you.
So sad… packages are always the first casualties in any insurgency. WON’T THEY THINK OF THE INNOCENT PACKAGES????
No they won’t. And Hell is about to reign down on a lot more.
I too feel sorry for the poor packages. after all it is Christmas time and so many packages will be violated….hhehhehehhe is there any way there could be a short film of reactions? I’m sure you could probably enter it in the film festival……
Ha! Nah…I won’t film anything at work. Still pics of inanimate objects and awesome spiders, yes.
If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
William Shakespeare
Willie was badass too.
He was all talk and hung out with thesbians. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
I loved you and your hi-jinks BEFORE I saw the knife in the box…
Then I SAW the knife, and now I want to marry you.
Where’s my ring?!
It’s on the bike! Ring Ring.
HAHAH! KABOOM!
With a RebelYall they’ll cry no more, no more, no more.
HAHAHA!
ROFLMAO!!!!
The furry sticker/toad sticker combo is impressive. If they are silly enough to mount another attack, there’s always the Christmas Spider sticker/venom combo to really set an example for others.
Nothing like some green rigor in a cubicle to brighten everyone’s holiday.
I would find that festive indeed!
You are my hero.
I think I want to marry you too. Problem is, I’m already married and I’m a girl (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Ha! And I’m really not the marrying type.
What we have here… is a failure to communi-freight!
Haha!
I had something to write, but it slipped away through the cracks. Some days are like that,
I know the feeling.
This made my heart grow three sizes. Is that bad?
Ha! Not at all.
Yeah, that was smart of ‘em: attack the one person who sees that they actually get their crap.
I have a feeling they’ll need a few more Subtle Reminders before things calm down.
I have a feeling they might too.
Postal is as Postal does.
Shoot ‘em all then call the fuzz.
Stamps are for the use of others.
Bombs and knifes for all my brothers!
Ha! A poet!
That’s it? That’s the best you can do? Man, and I expected such great things from you!
Can’t please everyone I reckon. The other stuff I wanted to do would end up with me being arrested, and I’m too pretty for prison.
True, you ARE too pretty for prison. I know, you should run for office. with your evil mind you would dominate the world, in no time!!!!
That’s my goal!!
But, it’s got a cute little bear sticker on it. How can anyone not recognize the authority of the Mail Room Sheriff when there is a cute little bear sticker on it. It’s so cwute!
Get ‘em, they are obviously heartless if they haven’t acknowledged your superiority.
Cute widdle bear stickers ooze authority for sure. (Ha!)
Perfect mailroom assessory for you!
http://www.by-the-sword.com/acatalog/Military_Letter_Openers.html
http://www.totalnavy.com/letter_opener.htm?gclid=CLGeuuSf9qwCFQYBQAodeDhkRg
YES! I want them!
You are so my hero.
I need a cape. I always wanted one.
Wow this is getting really intense. Godspeed my friend.
War is Hell.
One exacts revenge. One does not extract it…
Sincerely,
The Jobsite Grammar Nazi.
Thank you. Can I hire you as my editor? I can only pay you in knife stabs though.
Now I refuse to correct it because then the Nazis win and I’m a typo-makin’, misspellin’, grammatical error’n, red-blooded bloggin’ Amurican.
By the way, I saw this and thought it might give you some ideas in waging your workplace campaign:
http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html
Dude that guy is the Master.
He really is…sorry about the grammar nazi thing. I was an English major and I just can’t help myself!
You need to simmah down around here. Ha! I was not an English major.
Love it!! But the bear sticker is what makes it priceless.
I like how he seems to be waving a cheery hello. Ha!