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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 War was declared Friday, December 2, 2011 at 3:45 p.m. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Last Friday I came into the mailroom after a meeting to find this:
This is an act of war. It's just like Pearl Harbor, except without the Japanese planes, Navy battleships, bombs, machine gun fire, a harbor, or Hawaii. Other than that, it's just like it.
Them rebelling BunchO’Bitches is going to suffer and go down in flaming balls of death and destruction! Just like the Japanese Zeroes of WWII. Take that, you traitorous rebel bitches!
Now my first thought on seeing that is that Richelle just might be stirring things up for the fun of it. But that’s no reason to not nuke the Bunch o’ Bitches anyway. I mean, never let a crisis (or even just the appearance of one) go to waste right?
I would offer my special ops services to you. Like you need to analyze the makeup of the markers used to determine who had them last. And I could stealth scope out their desk drawers and leave the dog/cat shit you’ll be getting from the others.I can be crafty.
The F’s on the last package look different. There may be two dissidents to target. Let’s get the drones warmed up. Is it possible to arm those remote control air hogs?
I hope 24 hour war-zone coverage will be provided for those of us who can’t be there in battle with you. I will be standing in front of stores ringing a bell to collect for the fight against these evil-doers
Two words: Homeland Security. Sprinkle a little corn starch on those packages and make the call. Your enemies will forever be on the Do Not Fly list. (Cover the video cameras first, Big Brother is EVERYWHERE.)
Got to hand it to those bitches, never figured they’d summon the nerve to organize an official rebellion. No worries. You’ll put them in their place. Besides, you can’t take a rebellion seriously when the rebel’s handwriting/spelling is so bad it looks like they are going to figl+the sheriff, or maybe they’re going to fi8+lhe sheriff. Either way, it’s not very imposing. I’m also pretty sure rebel has just one “L” and why is it rebell/a’ll? What’s with the /? Oh, wait, maybe that’s supposed to be rebelya’ll. There is a reason why we put a space between words bitches! So people will understand you! Maybe you ought to offer the rebels a copy of The Elements of F*cking Style.
Let me know if you need close air support or combat search and rescue. I also have ICBM Combat Crew experience and we could always nuke ‘em …..it’d teach ‘em a lesson.
So… does one of the BOB “get it?” Or is this a serious insurrection? I mean, regardless, it’s obviously gotta be dealt with in a severe manner so as to leave no doubt in the minds of observers (who might become rebels) about who is in charge in the mail room. But if one of the actually “gets it” then there may be a slim hope for your office. Or at least one person besides you who works there.
Okay, they really needed a comma in “Rebel, Y’all” because I read it as “Rebel Yell” and now Billy Idol is stuck in my head. Also? Do they KNOW who they’re fucking with?
Me thinks some baby holiday spiders would be most welcome as infantry in your war. Along with giant candy canes to smite this insurrection before BoBs get any ideas.
Can’t you somehow add another “O” in the Bunch of Bitches”? it would be so much more appropriate. like “Bunch of Obnoxious Bitches” then it would be “boob”s” which they apparently are… Dumb ass’s messin with the Mail room Sheriff….
I’ll enlist to help you fight this war! I’ve got plenty of dogshit in my backyard…I can package it up and mail it to the enemy.
You’ll be in charge of the armory then.
Oh the blog fodder!
I KNOW! They just gave me dozens of entries I bet! HA!
Oh no, they di’n't! Time to declare martial law and lock them bitches up. Laura: “RESPECT mah authorI-tay!”
Exactly! Those motherfuckers will pay dearly for this act dissention! It’s on!
What she said! lol
Dogshit? Screw that. I’m sending napalm.
You’ve been drafted and promoted. Ha!
Them rebelling BunchO’Bitches is going to suffer and go down in flaming balls of death and destruction! Just like the Japanese Zeroes of WWII. Take that, you traitorous rebel bitches!
Hell yeah! Their Hiroshima and Nagasaki are about to get fucked up.
Claymores are the only choice. Make sure you turn them in the right direction.
Claymores and nukes.
“Behind every blade of grass…….”
Just sayin.’
HAHA!
Now my first thought on seeing that is that Richelle just might be stirring things up for the fun of it. But that’s no reason to not nuke the Bunch o’ Bitches anyway. I mean, never let a crisis (or even just the appearance of one) go to waste right?
Ha! Right. But it couldn’t have been Richelle. She doesn’t work there.
Show the UPS guy some leg next time he shows up. You’ll want him on your side in this…
HAHAHA! You’re in charge of strategy.
Was it Tink? (not the cat) Doesn’t she and another comment-er work there?
I got some nasty cat diarrhea I can bag up and mail to your work!
No. I know who it was and as far as I know, they don’t read here, I know they don’t comment.
You may need some serious fire power for this epic battle.
Have you re-supplied with the lethal letter openers yet?
YES! I sure did.
I would offer my special ops services to you. Like you need to analyze the makeup of the markers used to determine who had them last. And I could stealth scope out their desk drawers and leave the dog/cat shit you’ll be getting from the others.I can be crafty.
Promoted!
The F’s on the last package look different. There may be two dissidents to target. Let’s get the drones warmed up. Is it possible to arm those remote control air hogs?
Oh man, I’d love to RC some nukes on them. Ha!
I hope 24 hour war-zone coverage will be provided for those of us who can’t be there in battle with you. I will be standing in front of stores ringing a bell to collect for the fight against these evil-doers
Send checks to… Ha!
Two words: Homeland Security. Sprinkle a little corn starch on those packages and make the call. Your enemies will forever be on the Do Not Fly list. (Cover the video cameras first, Big Brother is EVERYWHERE.)
Oooooo excellent indea..but I doubt they ever leave town, let alone the state.
Got to hand it to those bitches, never figured they’d summon the nerve to organize an official rebellion. No worries. You’ll put them in their place. Besides, you can’t take a rebellion seriously when the rebel’s handwriting/spelling is so bad it looks like they are going to figl+the sheriff, or maybe they’re going to fi8+lhe sheriff. Either way, it’s not very imposing. I’m also pretty sure rebel has just one “L” and why is it rebell/a’ll? What’s with the /? Oh, wait, maybe that’s supposed to be rebelya’ll. There is a reason why we put a space between words bitches! So people will understand you! Maybe you ought to offer the rebels a copy of The Elements of F*cking Style.
I’m pretty certain they were fearful they’d be caught when they were writing it, thus the rush.
Just let me and Stretch know where and when to be. We’ve got your back.
Sic Strecth on their nasty asses!
Occupy Mailroom! We are the 99-cent postage!
Wait! Wait! Wait! I’m getting one of these for Christmas: http://youtu.be/168HoM1dKqk .I can use it to drop shit-bombs on the BoBs!
HA! YES! How cool would that be?
Rebel YA’LL???
Paging Mrs. Who to teach grammar and punctuation…
I believe they were in a hurry…
Ja! See?! I am not zee only vun who noticed. Vee are growing und de strength each und every day!
http://imgur.com/H3sMr
HA! Damn Grammar Nazis are the WORST!
Those BoBs need more help than I can give them…they’re not up to second grade work, yet.
In Special Ed maybe. Maybe.
nuke these bitches from orbit its the only way to be sure
For reals.
Hmm….time to show the bitches a few real life lessons from “The Art Of War”?
Exactly.
Yes. Its war.
But first… you must first _think_ like a mailroom cutsomer…
What do they want… nay… what do they need…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYm0c7gYyU#t=20s
Muahahahaaaaa!!!!
Hahah! I laugh just like that at work too. HA!
Somehow, that video reaally seemed to fit your personality… ^-^
HAH! Wait a minute….(Ha!)
Let me know if you need close air support or combat search and rescue. I also have ICBM Combat Crew experience and we could always nuke ‘em …..it’d teach ‘em a lesson.
That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
So… does one of the BOB “get it?” Or is this a serious insurrection? I mean, regardless, it’s obviously gotta be dealt with in a severe manner so as to leave no doubt in the minds of observers (who might become rebels) about who is in charge in the mail room. But if one of the actually “gets it” then there may be a slim hope for your office. Or at least one person besides you who works there.
The person I highly suspect that did this is not on of the BOBs and they do “get it.” I still have declared war, because, well, office wars are fun.
Sounds like some one has eaten an entire Advent calendar,,, to much coco? Merry Christmas Y’all.
I wish.
The sheriff don’t like it
Rock the mailroom
rock the mailroom…
Now I’m singing that song!!
Okay, they really needed a comma in “Rebel, Y’all” because I read it as “Rebel Yell” and now Billy Idol is stuck in my head. Also? Do they KNOW who they’re fucking with?
Evidently not. And now I’m singing that song too and snarling my lip.
Honestly? I couldn’t read those boxes at first. In a hurry or not, illegible notes do not make for decent threats. Fact.
Game on. I can’t wait to hear what “plans” you have for the office war.
I;m thinkin’ on it…
A “Mailroom Mandarin” would have had them suspended over, then lowered into, a vat of boiling voodoo before the first package arrived–as a warning.
You can still curl your lip, though.
“With a Lebel Lell…”
Oh, I snarl my lip everytime I see ‘em.
Me thinks some baby holiday spiders would be most welcome as infantry in your war. Along with giant candy canes to smite this insurrection before BoBs get any ideas.
Live, poisonous spiders. (insert evil, maniacal laugh here.)
This aggression clearly cannot stand.
I know right? They must be punished.
Can’t you somehow add another “O” in the Bunch of Bitches”? it would be so much more appropriate. like “Bunch of Obnoxious Bitches” then it would be “boob”s” which they apparently are… Dumb ass’s messin with the Mail room Sheriff….
Ha! They’ll rue the day!
Oh, I can’t WAIT to hear how you’ve handled THIS!
Nukes.