Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
I’m thinking of doing a series on here through the month of December called “My Childhood Christmas Memories.” So if this goes like my past “series” this will be the first and last entry on “My Childhood Christmas Memories.”
By Laura On December 2, 2011 · 76 Comments
Every December 1st, my mother would give each of my brothers and I our very own Advent calendar so we could count down the days until Christmas. The calendars were made of cardboard and would have some kind of Christmasy picture, be it a nativity scene or a cartoon Santa, on the front with twenty-five numbered and sealed windows. You were to open a window a day and behind each window was a piece of chocolate as a daily treat with the largest piece of chocolate, of course, being behind the number twenty-five.
Here is a rendering of December 2nd:76 Comments
76 Responses to I’m thinking of doing a series on here through the month of December called “My Childhood Christmas Memories.” So if this goes like my past “series” this will be the first and last entry on “My Childhood Christmas Memories.”
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Ha! Love it…especially how you included A Charlie Brown Christmas on the TV! Classic.
I watch it every year too.
LMFAO!!!! Oh my God! I should know better than to be drinking coffee when I read your blog!! LOVE IT!
Do not waste coffee!
Cats are like that. You take care of them and they show their gratitude by trying to scratch your eyes out when you give them a bath or stealing your chocolate.
The “Charlie Brown Christmas” television is too cool. There should be some type of award for such things, although it probably wouldn’t get you much at a pawn shop.
I need shit I can pawn. They won’t take my cats or my dog or my parrot.
Please, please, please DO NOT let this be the last entry in your “My Childhood Christmas Memories”!!
I will do my best, but you know my attention span is….what’s that shiny thing over there…
This is my first time commenting and I just want to say that your blog is like a big sparkly unicorn on the blogoshere!
A big sparkly unicorn with rabies maybe. ( And thank you.)
Chocolate will make girls do just about anything. Fact! It’s an addictive drug. Also, I’m digging your pigtails.
Men love pigtails. Fact.
Especially red ones. Fact.
Red Pig Tails make me want to go to Wendy’s for lunch. Fact.
HA! Me too…well, for those Frosty ice cream thingies anyway.
Hysterical….I’m still giggling…..the rendering is as funny as the story….
Sadly, Kitty did not find it funny.
25 pieces of chocolate!
Only an idiot gives a child what is essentially a big ol’ box of candy and tells her she can only eat one piece per day and then EXPECTS THAT TO ACTUALLY HAPPEN (I’m looking at you, Dear Sweet Mama). 35 years later, said child will have eaten approximately 4 Advent calendars per year every year and her pancreas will try to murder her.
Ha! My momma started hiding my calendar and only handing it to me once a day, and then only under direct supervision. And my organs explode all the time in adulthood!
They’ve done studies about this! Giving kids marshmallows and then leaving the room. Only a few steel willed kids ever don’t eat the thing. And they didn’t even have a cat to blame. Er, I mean, in THOSE CASES, the cat did not eat them, unlike in this example.
I am glad you re-worded that. Ha!
That brought back TONS of memories… My sister used to steal my Chocolate from my calendar…. but swore to “GOD’ almighty she didn’t do it…. We all know where she’s going… That Chocolate must be a “Girl” thing
Chocolate is essential.
We do that every year for Buttercup…. when she was little we had to keep it out of reach…. behind a door that our cat, Indiana Jones, could not open. The whole “no thumbs” thing held him back a bit!
Please don’t let the series end…. I want to know more!
If cats had thumbs, they would rule the world. Fact.
Ha! I will do my best to keep the series going.
My mom used to get me one too! But I was smarter than you. I used to carefully open the top of the cardboard and slide the tray out! Only problem was then every day I haD to open an empty door.
Hey! Blaming the cat was GENIUS. Ha!
fair enough. Although I’d never blame my poor kitties.
I was a kid! Now I blame the dog.
I have to admit, I didnt “get it” until I read the entry. Never heard of an Advent calendar and your rendering brought to mind the term “pie hole” like the commercial Whataburger uses.
That’s why God made Google I reckon. Advent calendars may be a Catholic thing. I don’t know, and I don’t want to google it. I did however google Whataburger. And I’ve always use “SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE.” I think my crazy-ass Papaw always used it too.
Blaming the cat was sheer genius, and probably true. They control your soul and make you do stuff you wouldn’t normally do
YES! Like Chris Angel but with better hair!
I dunno why I keep coming by here. That made me laugh right out loud, and now I’m gonna burn in hell beside ya.
There’s nothing sinful ’bout raiding an Advent calendar! Jesus would have if they had them when he was a kid.
Well, now that makes me feel all kinds of better!
I was given an advent calender once. Only once. I was informed of the hellfire and brimstone awaiting me since I couldn’t save the candy for baby Jesus.
My Southern Baptist upbringing was….. was…..an experience.
I learned more about living good from Charlie Brown
I learned more about living from watching Disney films as a kid. Seriously.
No shit. those were the days! Bed knobs and Broomsticks!!!
We had a German Club in highschool, that sold those every year, and every year the German teacher tried to teach us the right way to use it, open 1 box a day. I think I was the only one who didn’t eat it all right away. I did eat all the Gummy Bears, right away, though! German Club candy rocked!
I took Latin in elementary school and they gave us nothing. I took French in high school and they tried to get us to eat escargo. Sonsabitches.
In my German class in 8th grade the teacher taught us beer drinking songs.
The club sold them, like Girl Scouts sell cookies. I used to spend a lot of my allowance on Gummi Bears!
Also, in my school, the French teacher was a jerk. I hope yours was better!
Mine was French so he was le jerk.
Also, yes, please keep this going! I love it!
I will try.
We had the same calendars a couple of times but with 6 of us rug rats it became too much of an upheaval in our house when the fist fights broke out after all the windows were mysteriously opened on the second or third day. I still say my oldest sister was the culprit!
Ha! Sounds kinda like me and my brothers.
While I find chocolate to be an essential nutrient (as well as tequila and beer, but not circus peanuts – YUCK), I find Advent calendar chocolate inedible. Unless Godiva makes one; then I’m all in.
On another note, this new series of yours needs to continue. If it doesn’t, I will scream Attica for days on end. Or maybe just once, since I’m lazy.
NOW I find all that cheap chocolate pretty nasty, but as a child I would fight someone for a piece. And don’t be disrespectin’ the Circus Peanut on my blog!
Well, now you have more expensive tastes. My expensive tastes in chocolate actually save me from eating way too much chocolate.
I never got chocolate in my advent calendar. Just pictures.
You were robbed.
Holy shit, I didn’t know those calendars had names. I was just calling them the countdown thing that mom put on the piano. No chocolate though. Just glitter.
Aw. It’s a Charlie Brown Christmas. Back when Christmas was you know… in December. And the plastic toys had that special smell of new plastic.
And it took you HOURS to open all your gifts.
Bravo!!!! Oh man!! That was the best series ever!!!! I can’t wait until next December for more!!!!
The cat is ALWAYS guilty. That is all.
First off: “Fact” is spelled “FACT”…FACT. Second off: my son (7) got his calendar yesterday…shouldn’t these things start on the first day of Advent, not Dec 1. You need to get a memo to The Pope to get this shit straightened out. FACT.
Advent does indeed start the 4th Sunday prior to Christmas. Advent started on Nov 27 this year and it does not end on Christmas, but the 24th. So the FACT is your son’s Advent is all fucked up now. And FACT is that they make ones for lil children that are 25 days and start at the 1st so they can count down because just like everything else it’s all geared for sales.
Yeah…I know when Advent starts. I was at Mass and the Priest was asking where you were at!
Yeah, they’re always trying to track me down.
re corgi picnic – my head just exploded. thank you.
You’re welcome. Jena sent me the link.
We had a dried bamboo tree for Christmas one year. No evergreens. It was Guam in the ’60′s… My mom put miniature Chinese lantern string lights on it. Another Christmas there she spent a lot of time before Christmas at the hospital helping severely mentally challenged patients decorating. I wish she was still alive, Thanks for triggering those memories.
Nothing beats memories of your mom (or dad) making things special for you and other people.
Yep. I still remember the patients at that hospital and how appreciative they were. Nobody had ever done anything like that for them before, apparently. There’s a lesson in there…I aspire to live up to that level of empathy for my fellow man…
Aw hell, Merry Christmas, Laura!
only 25 pieces of candy??? Didn’t you have brothers? Man, I think I’d have eaten everyones candy (and then denied it)
Oh they hid thiers from me, because that was always my strategy.
Ha! I had contemplated getting one for the Spud this year, I even stood in the store holding one in my hand imagining the childhood joy of opening those tiny little windows each day. But then I realized that was my childhood, and the Spud was not me. I then imagined we’d have this exact drama unfold with the added irritation of about an hour of begging and nagging and me threatening to throw the damn thing away if she didn’t stop asking when she could open the next window only to have her “accidentally” open them all when she was just checking to see if the doors were still sealed. So in my vast motherly wisdom I dropped that Advent calendar like a hot potato and fled the store post haste. Christmas will get here when it’s damn good and ready.
Ha! I bet my mother wished she had done the same when she first started giving us one.
Is it okay to laugh, cry, and snort at the same time? “Ahhh, look how cute and fluffy…OH GOD… NO!”
EVERYONE that owns, or wants to own an exotic should see that. (I laughed when that bear attacked.)