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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 Waa Freakin’ Waa. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
There are a few things I have learned on my own in life. One is that eating an entire bag of Circus Peanuts does not constitute a meal, and another is that when you are given an extra task and you take control and you make it run like a well-oiled machine there will be petty, jealous people who will hate you for it. These people are called bitches, and they don’t like signs and they whine and complain in their jealous bitchy voices to their manager because reading signs is too hard for bitches. But what’s hardest for bitches is humor. It is their kryptonite, well, actually more like the penicillin on the syphilitic sore that is their life, and it stings. Waa.
You should put up another notice underneath that one, a sign that announces something to the effect that if one has a complaint, one is to call 1-800-555-WAAA. Or something like that.
If a bag of circus peanuts isn’t a meal, then that pretty well says three tic-tacs and a cup of coffee isn’t either.
No words of wisdom on the bitches. Maybe you can hang a picture of the moon on the wall in their offices, so they can bark at the picture, instead of whining.
I love your signs. They brighten a tedious task, and that fact that your having fun with it is probably the problem. They probably thought you would be pissed about this entire detail… Bravo ….you are actually showing them how you deal with life little bumps in the road, but they can’t even see that. BRAVO to you! GOOD FORM!!!!!
Ive noticed the more you try to work with some fun to liven up the dreary work day and especially if you are doing a good job….. BOB’s all band together! And management sides with those 99% of slackers instead of siding with you!
you are too funny and awesome! don’t let them beat you down!
Crap!! Now I have to think up a cool moniker to use when commenting on your blog. Don’t want to anyone to think I’m a member of the bunch of bitchs sent here to spy on you. I’m not too creative. Is there a formula for monikers like there is for porn names? For some reason I’m not comfortable with Laddy Rural Route 3.
“All packages from your secret boyfriend (It is SO my business!) that are not picked up in three (3) days will be opened, checked for size, suitability, or how well the facets reflect halogen lighting. If it fits, it’s mine. If it doesn’t fit, it will be re-sized, or sold on eBay.”
My mind went a whoooolllleee other direction at “size” and then I wondered how the hell you could put facets on one. Or why you’d care how it reflected halogen lighting when checking the “fit”. But then, my mind is always in the gutter.
I doubt that anything they would receive would add up to your $10k gift request, but it would be fun to make them cry about it. It’s always fun to make bitches cry.
(I thought the same thing when I read it at first.)
I just can’t imagine what would be in the packages. All I know is from now on if it’s maked “Fragile” I will suddenly seizure, shake it, drop it and collapse upon it. Ha!
Okay, let’s go to the judges: First, the bitches did not show proper love and adulation for the greatness that is The Holiday Spider. GUILTY. Now, they are not obeying and are even going so far as to COMPLAIN about the important missives from The Mailroom Sheriff. GUILTY. Sentence is cake or death, and we’re all out of cake.
They ask you to do a job, then complain when you do it. Reminds me of the quote from A Few Good Men: “I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to. “
Apparently, there used to be a problem at my job, with people getting mad and kicking the copy machine. So now, there is a sign on the copy machine that says “A kick will cost you $20″. I put a post-it note on that sign that said “How much do I have to pay you to pull my hair?”
Yeah, I tend to run into types who are completely incompetent, somehow think that that in and of itself makes them a victim, so pointing it out in any way, or joking about it so that you can continue to live with some happiness in your life, means that life is twice as hard for them. I would find your sign funny, but then again, I’d be all over that shit in one (1) day!
Awesome!!!
This ruling the mailroom with an iron fist thing seems to suit you. But I don’t think “sheriff” is iron fisty enough. You need something more totalitarian…
Maybe “jefe”…oh, I know:
Mail room Ninja?
Mail Room Nazi?
I think you need to remind them you’re a Vet. They should respect that. If you still have your old uniform, wear it on the days your in the mail room.
Yeah, circus peanuts alone don’t make a meal. You have to add something to drink. Like my breakfast of champions, M&M’s and coffee. See the coffee completes it and makes it an acutal meal. It’s as simple as that.
You know you could post the package contents on your blog for us to look over before you put it on ebay. I do still have som christmas shopping left to do. I mean after all we should get first pick of the good stuff.
When I worked for the Navy I learned that any time you post a sign you also need to post someone next to it to read and explain the sign to the idiots; my term for bitches. Several years earlier,at the USAF NCO Academy, I also learned that the troops ain’t happy unless they’re bitching about something and I’ve known Some downright delirious people in my time.
Oh for cripe’s sake. You are making funny signs, having a good time and they complain?
Send me their phone numbers. I’ve been nicknamed Lizilla and I’ll gladly call them and “explain” how to act like real human beings. Trust me, Lizilla will fix your problem!
Maybe you should provide a pacifier with the next sign. Or a soft blanky. Whatever can escalate the situation more. mwahahaha (say it as evilly as possible like you mean it)
Hopefully you will make enough off of the sale of unclaimed packages for that baby goat…you can then bring it into the mail room to “dispose” of any unclaimed mail (or evidence photos).
LMFAO!
Those bitches!!
Agree.
You’ve got to be kidding me! What a Bunch O’Bitches!
I’ve been tellin’ y’all that all along.
Ha ha!
You should put up another notice underneath that one, a sign that announces something to the effect that if one has a complaint, one is to call 1-800-555-WAAA. Or something like that.
Or how about 1-800-KISSMYASSYOUSTUPIDBITCH? HA!
“like the penicillin on the syphilitic sore that is their life, and it stings”
You should write for Hallmark.
I really should.
If a bag of circus peanuts isn’t a meal, then that pretty well says three tic-tacs and a cup of coffee isn’t either.
No words of wisdom on the bitches. Maybe you can hang a picture of the moon on the wall in their offices, so they can bark at the picture, instead of whining.
Neither is a pound of bacon. But it comes close.
Or maybe just a picture of my middle finger for them to gaze upon.
I think a pound of bacon qualifies as a meal if you use it in a sentence: I had a BLT, without the lettuce, tomato and toast.
You must be a dietician or a food scientist. Either way, you’re brilliant.
Some people are born to Bitch. Apparently they are all in your office…. My Condolences….
Thank you.
The ones that bitch the most are the most miserable in their own lives.
Yeah, I kinda suspect you are more correct then we’ll ever know!
I love your signs. They brighten a tedious task, and that fact that your having fun with it is probably the problem. They probably thought you would be pissed about this entire detail… Bravo ….you are actually showing them how you deal with life little bumps in the road, but they can’t even see that. BRAVO to you! GOOD FORM!!!!!
If they’d come out to my car with me I’ll show them how I deal with the rest of life. HAHAHAHA!
You could get something like this and put it on your desk for the edification of the bitches:
http://www.shootabird.com/images_uploaded/Pride_front.jpg
HAHAHAHA! I LOVE it!
Ive noticed the more you try to work with some fun to liven up the dreary work day and especially if you are doing a good job….. BOB’s all band together! And management sides with those 99% of slackers instead of siding with you!
you are too funny and awesome! don’t let them beat you down!
Oooh they’ll never beat me down. Better people have tried and failed : )
Crap!! Now I have to think up a cool moniker to use when commenting on your blog. Don’t want to anyone to think I’m a member of the bunch of bitchs sent here to spy on you. I’m not too creative. Is there a formula for monikers like there is for porn names? For some reason I’m not comfortable with Laddy Rural Route 3.
HAHAH! Just don’t cap all the letters in your name and it’ll be a’ight.
What she said! LOL
“All packages from your secret boyfriend (It is SO my business!) that are not picked up in three (3) days will be opened, checked for size, suitability, or how well the facets reflect halogen lighting. If it fits, it’s mine. If it doesn’t fit, it will be re-sized, or sold on eBay.”
FIFY.
HAHA!
My mind went a whoooolllleee other direction at “size” and then I wondered how the hell you could put facets on one. Or why you’d care how it reflected halogen lighting when checking the “fit”. But then, my mind is always in the gutter.
I doubt that anything they would receive would add up to your $10k gift request, but it would be fun to make them cry about it. It’s always fun to make bitches cry.
(I thought the same thing when I read it at first.)
I just can’t imagine what would be in the packages. All I know is from now on if it’s maked “Fragile” I will suddenly seizure, shake it, drop it and collapse upon it. Ha!
I am sooo glad it wasn’t just me wondering about the suitability of facets…
no…
Okay, let’s go to the judges: First, the bitches did not show proper love and adulation for the greatness that is The Holiday Spider. GUILTY. Now, they are not obeying and are even going so far as to COMPLAIN about the important missives from The Mailroom Sheriff. GUILTY. Sentence is cake or death, and we’re all out of cake.
I like your judging skillz.
They ask you to do a job, then complain when you do it. Reminds me of the quote from A Few Good Men: “I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to. “
YEAH!! That is so fitting too!
After you sell their shit and convict ‘em, would any be capable of working a corner in the new town?
Not unless we hand out bags to put over their heads, and stock up on antibiotics. HAHAH!
Circus peanuts are a meal if you break them down to their molecular structure. Or if you add gin to it.
The sign is great, but you should add that it will be sold on eBay after it has been paraded around in a manner embarrassing to the owner.
Ha! And I would too.
I fell for thinking CPs and gin were also, then my pancreas exploded.
Can you make some “Happy Holidays You Bunch O’ Bitches” Christmas cards? With a dinosaur in a Santa hat eating a Barbie maybe?
I’ll buy a BUNCH.
HAHA! I should render some cards…if I had time.
Apparently, there used to be a problem at my job, with people getting mad and kicking the copy machine. So now, there is a sign on the copy machine that says “A kick will cost you $20″. I put a post-it note on that sign that said “How much do I have to pay you to pull my hair?”
AND SCREAM MY NAME! HAHA!
Exactly!!!
Yeah, I tend to run into types who are completely incompetent, somehow think that that in and of itself makes them a victim, so pointing it out in any way, or joking about it so that you can continue to live with some happiness in your life, means that life is twice as hard for them. I would find your sign funny, but then again, I’d be all over that shit in one (1) day!
I shake a lot of boxes…weighing my options. Ha!
Can I just insert a hearty laugh here?
Thanks
I laugh at them too.
Awesome!!!
This ruling the mailroom with an iron fist thing seems to suit you. But I don’t think “sheriff” is iron fisty enough. You need something more totalitarian…
Maybe “jefe”…oh, I know:
“The Mailroom Mandarin”.
You might get your own comic book.
They would all be “Mandarin like an orange?” I don’t imagine many are cool enough to read real comics.
I vote for Mailroom Samurai.
But I am partial to blades.
Me too.
Mail room Ninja?
Mail Room Nazi?
I think you need to remind them you’re a Vet. They should respect that. If you still have your old uniform, wear it on the days your in the mail room.
Oh they know I’m trained to kill. I remiond them daily. Ha!
Yeah, circus peanuts alone don’t make a meal. You have to add something to drink. Like my breakfast of champions, M&M’s and coffee. See the coffee completes it and makes it an acutal meal. It’s as simple as that.
You know you could post the package contents on your blog for us to look over before you put it on ebay. I do still have som christmas shopping left to do. I mean after all we should get first pick of the good stuff.
HAHA! And I would do that too. Stop encouraging me. Ha!
Sounds like someone needs to call the waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance.
HAHAHA! 9-1-waaa.
When I worked for the Navy I learned that any time you post a sign you also need to post someone next to it to read and explain the sign to the idiots; my term for bitches. Several years earlier,at the USAF NCO Academy, I also learned that the troops ain’t happy unless they’re bitching about something and I’ve known Some downright delirious people in my time.
That should read “some” not “dome”. Guess the drugs still haven’t worn off.
I fixed it.
I really don’t like to bitch. Not saying I don’t, I just don’t like to. It’s exhausting and I have better things to do.
Oh for cripe’s sake. You are making funny signs, having a good time and they complain?
Send me their phone numbers. I’ve been nicknamed Lizilla and I’ll gladly call them and “explain” how to act like real human beings. Trust me, Lizilla will fix your problem!
Ha! I’m tempted…but seriously, you don’t even wanna talk to them.
Oh yes, yes I WANT to talk to them. They don’t want to talk to me.
PS – I totally forgot to say that I love Ebay and would buy your coworkers’ shit just to piss them off.
HAHA! I’ll put you on a “First Alert List.”
Maybe you should provide a pacifier with the next sign. Or a soft blanky. Whatever can escalate the situation more. mwahahaha (say it as evilly as possible like you mean it)
Ha! I do like pushing buttons.
And again, ‘Button, button, who has the button?’ goes traipsing through my head.
Now I have the answer. Laura!
HA!
If that one didn’t go over well, maybe you can drop them from the roof and see what happens…
(the boxes, not the bitches… Though that’s not a bad idea either.)
Yes, both make me smile.
Hehehe.
Hopefully you will make enough off of the sale of unclaimed packages for that baby goat…you can then bring it into the mail room to “dispose” of any unclaimed mail (or evidence photos).
Oooooooo good idea.
I like that you said three (3) with the brackets. It makes the rule EXTRA clear. Sorry there are bitches (BITCHES) in your mailroom.
Me too, girl.
You can be bribed, right? Just sayin.’
Ummm yeah.
I am strangely aroused yet repulsed by you, is that like friendship, or schizophrenia?
Take a number.