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Alexander Skarsgård wrote me a love note, y’all! | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

One of my readers said that I should send Alexander Skarsgård a note directing him to my blog, so I did even though I knew I risked a restraining order, and lo and behold he wrote me back (!!) because I know he felt an irresistible attraction to me, like most men do. Shut. Up.

I know to the untrained civilian eye this appears to just be a nice, courteous, blow-off reply, but I’m kind of a Celebrity Love Letter Scientist so I will translate it for you.

Hi Laura (My dearest, beautiful Laura) Well I’m honored (You excite me sexually) being in your imaginary boyfriend list. (I can’t wait until I can actually touch your face and run my fingers through your beautiful auburn hair.) Bit of a shock. (I am flabbergasted you feel the same way about me) I hope your blog is going good (I would lay you down right now on my giant, expensive, solid gold, diamond encrusted coffee table and make mad, sweet movie star love to you if you were here) I definitely won’t de-friend you (I fucking love you with all my Swedish heart) Though I won’t ask you for your number (Our love will have to wait until you’re over George Clooney because I want you all for myself) Very sorry (I feel like life isn’t worth living without you) :-)   (disguises a sad, crying face)  Thank you for your support (God, I want to hold you right now) as one of my fans (my one true love) Take Care (Until the day your heart can belong to just me and we can be together- au revoir my sweet, sweet  love)

81 Comments
 

81 Responses to Alexander Skarsgård wrote me a love note, y’all!

  1. Holly says:

    Too funny, the funniest part for me was imagining Alexander’s face as he decides to ‘check out your blog’ and lands on this post….in fact I might just friend him and send him the link…just so the hilarious image in my head can actually happen.

  2. Holiday says:

    OMG. A real true love letter from Alexander Skarsgård. Laura you are so lucky… first George Clooney and now this. You are my hero….and you have damn good taste as well. Dont forget I have dibbies on “J”…..

  3. Jennifer says:

    OH MY GOD!!!! He is so hot!

    (I totally lost it with that song clip you put on his pic!! LMAO!!)

  4. Heather says:

    What a relief for George! He could have lost you!

  5. Jess says:

    The inflections in the English language, as well with love/lust, are tedious for many people raised with another language. He’s so lucky to have you to help and guide with his powerful emotions.

  6. Tara says:

    ALEXANDER SKARSGARD THOUGHT ABOUT YOU FOR AT LEAST 20 SECONDS WHILE READING AND WRITING THAT!! That alone is fabulous!

  7. Jena says:

    You need to dump George. Alex is obviously a nicer guy. And way hotter! (btw he accepted my friend request too and the other TB start request are pending)

    That was actually very nice of him to reply!

  8. Hoody Hoo says:

    gawdDAMN he’s fine! and just so you know, I actually sent him a friend request myself and got a little teenage-girl-gaspy when he accepted! HE’S OUR REAL HUSBAND NOW!!!!

  9. Love is a beautiful, precious thing.

  10. Tink says:

    You actually made me LOL when I played that song clip.. too freakin funny….

  11. Mr. Bingley says:

    That full-body Brazilian wax job he’s sporting must have been painful.

  12. Princess says:

    Ya know. His titty bumps are kinda Britney Spears wonky in that picture. It’s kinda weird if you look at them to long…… HA!

  13. Curtal Friar says:

    You know, if George sees these posts of yours about Skarsgard, it’ll probably break his heart and then he’ll get on his yacht and watch the news and wait for a huge storm to come up at sea and then he’ll sail right for the heart of it so that the stormy sea will claim him and send him down to meet with Davey Jones and then there’ll be no more George. Poor guy won’t be able to handle the fact you’ve replaced him with Skarsgard.

    Of course, then J won’t have to worry about the competition, so that’s a good thing.

  14. Tea says:

    The fact that he accepted and then responded to your subtle and not creepy at all overtures makes me like him even more. I’m glad you’re happy with George, because I think Alex (yeah, that’s what I call him) and I are, in fact, meant to be.

    • Laura says:

      But remember, as he kisses you, he’ll be thinking of me.

      (Okay, I laughed)

      And seriously, I read interviews he’s done. He does seem like a very nice guy who does ALL his nude scenes completely nude- NO LOIN cloth/sock.

  15. OMG! When’s the weddding?

  16. Jamie says:

    I’m poor and can’t afford cable pay channels, so I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing True Blood, but I love the books and now put his face (and body) on Eric’s character when I read them.

    Congrats on being ‘friended’ by him and for his sweet reply to your message. He’s a hotty! :)

  17. cricket says:

    Daymn! Why didn’t our Swedish exchange student in High school have abs like that? I’m all a twitter.

    • Laura says:

      Ain’t he gorgeous?

      • cricket says:

        *sigh* Yes. As it happens, we watched Thor last night and I was all trying not to drown the fam with my drool. They got a little crabby when I suggested water wings.

        Of course, I had to watch it again today to er.. double check and make sure it was the same actor. Because there’s no way there could be TWO sets of abs like that in Hollywood. I’m bad with song titles and actors… what can I say?

        • Laura says:

          HAHA! I like to watch me some man meat on the screen.

        • Jamie says:

          Chris Hemsworth plays Thor. He’s a hot Austrialian import. Nice looking, decent actor. Bad movie. Not his fault. They gave him nothing to work with – and he and Natalie Portman had less onscreen chemistry than Jake Gyllenhaal and Heather Ledger in Brokeback Mountain.

          • Laura says:

            I have never seen anyone have chemistry with Natalie Portman now that you said that. I did enjoy wh=atching that cowboy love though, even though yeah, the chemistry wasn’t there.

            I loves me some Australian men btw.

          • cricket says:

            Yo! I watched the credits, Alexander’s name appeared. Damn, I see a trip to imdb is in my future.

          • Laura says:

            I have been looking out for him too…I love him.

          • cricket says:

            OH, well, back from imdb. Apparently, our copy is a boot leg or something because the dude with the last name is not Alexander but something else. I swear to you it said Alexander. SWEAR IT!

          • Laura says:

            His father and brother are actors. Might be one of them. Alexander is in Straw Dogs though. Also, Alexander was the dude that threw Lady Gaga off the balcony in her video for Paparazzi. Aso- he was in Zoolander.

          • cricket says:

            Oh, is it sad that the only one on that list I saw was Zoolander? Erm, I have a confession. I like bad movies.

          • Laura says:

            That’s okay, I like bad music.

  18. Jan says:

    Ever closer to the big time! Or is that closer to doing time? Whatever.

  19. That was a very nice meesage he sent you.

    Even better was the translation ;)

    If only the UN would hire you to translate, there would be peace and love all around…

  20. Susan says:

    What does J think of this?

  21. Yabu says:

    I can’t comment on your boy dogs…that’s just me though. Red Haired Women have a tendency to make boy dogs weak in the knees. Dangerous business!

  22. Holy shit. I tweet my boyfriend Jimmy and he never tweets me back. SO JEALOUS right now. Seriously. If I run into you somewhere you better watch out because I may jump you and pull your hair.

  23. I told you the naked vampire guy was the way to go laura.
    His subliminal vampire mind letter is proof.

    George, sadly, had his mind voodooed by that WHORE.

  24. April says:

    The entry was hysterical, add to it that song on his pic and I literally spewed my coffee from laughing. I love your crazy, girl.

  25. Liz says:

    I love your interpretation of his note to you. Very nice (and quite believable as well).

    This will soon lead to another restraining order. I must say, you are the only person I “know” that has two of them!! It’s my claim to fame!!

  26. Karen Delaney says:

    So, how long did it take for you to figure out which of the hundreds of Alexander Skarsgård pages on fb was his? Also, are all famous poeple on fb Verified To Be Real 100% by The Owner of FB? And with a barcode thingy too!

    • Laura says:

      He has a verification by the Zuckerburg on his profile, so it took me like “instantly” to figure out it was him. Chances are if they aren’t “verified” they’re all fake. Same for Twitter. George Clooney has no verified account and he has stated he does not do social sites so all of his are fake. Doesn’t stop me from dreaming though…

      • Karen Delaney says:

        Is there a special way to find the ‘verification’ thing? I’m a fb idiot (Google+ and I are getting together though, we’re like THIS already, really). What a shame George doesn’t do the social. What a lovely profile for my ‘friends’ list.

        • Laura says:

          If you go to their page, click information, there’s that verification by the CEO and yes, the barcode. If it’s fake, then they do a good job and I don’t care just as long as I think it’s real and they are paying attention to me.

  27. Nicole says:

    Only a matter of time now that he has dispatched his writers of form responses. Only a matter of time till nekkid hot Viking is…um… hopefully not suing you. :)

  28. kim says:

    oh my god girl you’re nuts i love it! thank you so much for my first and probably only laugh today :)

  29. CGHill says:

    The one major point you have going for you, of course, is that you can spell his name. A lot of people, judging by Google results, evidently can’t.

  30. Larry says:

    He seems very nice, and I’m sure the two of you will be very happy together. Or three of you. Whichever.

  31. Jim - PRS says:

    I never hoid of the guy. I feel akin to a dootsbag.

  32. Kaila says:

    Hate to burst your bubble but alexander doesn’t have a facebook… So this was from someone pretending to be alexander… He had no facebook, or twitter. He doesn’t want to be on the internet.

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