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102 Degrees. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Yesterday was a disaster. I had to take the Lexus in because the engine light came on, so I spent the day at the dealer drinking free lattes and eating fancy free French pastries off of doily napkins. While there, my friend Ashley Marie called and wanted to discuss our tennis doubles game that afternoon at the Country Club. They took forever at the dealers, forcing me to miss my appointment with my financial planner where we were going to discuss my portfolio and decide if I should buy more property and stock. As I was rushing to my tennis match in the Lexus, my masseuse called, and to make matters worse, cancelled my massage by the pool that evening. I was just about at my wits’ end when my alarm went off and I woke to a major pajama wedgie, a cat laying on my head, and a nearly empty bottle of NyQuil knocked over on my nightstand. What a fucking relief, it was just a nightmare.

Now here’s a picture I took of an awesome goat because dreams are scary y’all.

 

 

92 Comments
 

92 Responses to 102 Degrees.

  1. wpdunn71901 says:

    yah know, nothing beats NyQuil and Cheetos, except maybe a Hawaiian style pizza – also you should never feed your cat soup.

  2. Jennifer says:

    LOLOLOL! I hate it when I have nightmares like that too!

  3. Heather says:

    Dreams ARE scary! And that is one awesome goat!

  4. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Are there any goats that aren’t awesome?

  5. Yabu says:

    I’ll be sending my Gulfstream down to pick up you and your posse, and we’ll do some island hopping before we head to Australia for a hot air balloon cross country trip. We’ll hit Europe, including Iceland, on the way back. We’ll be gone for several months, so pack accordingly. If y’all need or want anything else, we’ll just buy it on the road. The town, as yet unnamed, should be spruced up a bit by the time we return.

    • Laura says:

      The maid packed my bags this morning. I’ll be waiting in the vineyard.

      So I take it “Whoreville” is unaccptable for a name?

      • Yabu says:

        Nope, nothing wrong with “Whoreville”… need to run it by the Mayor.

        • Laura says:

          It’s like “Whoville” but with more sex and booze.

          You should have a town naming contest. WITH PRIZES!

          • Yabu says:

            I’m gonna do that, but I will need the help of The Head Pimp so it doesn’t get out of hand. Gotta keep the whores in line, and everyone who has a seat at the table in sync. This will be a Democracy. But since you’re high ranking, we’ll have to make some decisions for the better of all. I have no problem with giving whores the right to vote, at your discretion. Your call! We’ll deal with this shit on the plane.

          • Laura says:

            HA! I’ll have my assistant make a note of it.

  6. Steve says:

    Brilliant.

  7. Tink says:

    OMG, I was laughing SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard I had Tears running down my legs…………

  8. Princess says:

    That was an awesome dream, but you are correct.when you wake up, it really intercourse’s up the rest of your day< Damn I hate that waking up shit!

    • Laura says:

      No honey child, the dream was an absolute nightmare, my life is so much better.

      (Okay, I could barely keep a straight face while typing that.)

  9. hoodyhoo says:

    Dude, two words: Prince. Charles. Your dream doesn’t even rate. (and BTW, when you try NOT to have the sex dream about Prince Charles, you WILL get something worse. Trust me.)

    • Laura says:

      Oh Hell noes. Did you hold on to his ears and did Camilla watch from the corner of the room? I hope at least you got a tour of the palace.

  10. I don’t think you’re supposed to drink Nyquil when its 102 degrees.
    Gin–that’s what you drink. Like the Brits in India, okay maybe that didn’t work so well.
    Rum–that’s the 102 degree drink, just like the Mafia in Cuba. Oh yeah. Shit.
    Well, whatever it is, it’s not Nyquil.

  11. GOODDOG_BADDOG says:

    I got to pet not only baby goats this past weekend but also A BABY ZEBRA !!! How awesome is that ! We were riding our horses through the park when we came upon some little kid’s petting zoo party. So of course I crashed their party and took my horse up to see the animals. The whole way home all I could say was “I GOT TO PET A BABY ZEBRA”

    • Laura says:

      Zebras can be mean mofos too. At that animal park we went to in Georgia, they had warning signs all over the place about the zebras, so of course we petted them, but they were all adults.

  12. Robin K. says:

    What a horrible nightmare! LOL!

    I want to hug that goat!!

  13. My car dealership provides us with generic Folgers and stale Oreos. Same thing, right?

  14. Aewl says:

    Nyquil dreams are the worst!

  15. Janie Jones says:

    There-there Laura. It’s okay. It was just a nightmare! Everything’s okay now.

    *Shudders*

    Imagine a world where car dealerships actually provide French pastry. Now that sounds like Hell for sure.

  16. Big Poppa Squat says:

    It actually does happen that way. My ex-wife and I ran a faux finishing business and worked in the homes of the super rich. She came home one day and told me about a woman was in a panic because her daughter was coming home from France and she had a nail appointment and a massage booked only two hours apart and her day was going to be frantic!

  17. AmyLynn says:

    That goat picture has the same power as the flashy thingy in the Men in Black Movies. You can use it to completely erase the bad memories and be instantly happy!

    PS Hoodyhoo scared me badly with that Prince Charles sex dream talk….I had to go back and look at the goat again in order to maintain my zen like buzz

    sigh

    that is all

  18. Larry says:

    That’s a pretty scary goat.

  19. Uppity citified folks! Our dealership only serves Moon Pies and RC Cola, ya gotta serve yourself and half the time the machines keep your change and you don’t get nothin’!!!

  20. jazz1013 says:

    What a nightmare!

    I’d rather spend time with that sweet goat than the owner of that Lexus any day! (But, that’s true for most people I’ve met.)

    • Laura says:

      Same here. I am very serious when I tell you that all these goats on this woman’s farm were so awesome and smart and sweet, it was unbelievable.

  21. Hailey says:

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… Banana Moon Pies…mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  22. patti says:

    There’s anteater’s all up in this sonsabitch – hahaha
    How long have I missed that one?

  23. Riley says:

    You have a friggin LEXUS? Just Kidding.. I know it was a dream but .. boy when you dream, you dream big…

  24. You have to put the Nyquil in the freezer, Laura. Works waaaaaaaaay better in 102* weather ;)

  25. Jeffro says:

    Just think, if Boo would get off his duff and sweep you off your feet, that would be the life for you! Except with a Bentley or Aston Martin and not some cheap assed Lexus.

  26. Cheryl says:

    it’s summertime – you should totally have empty glasses of mai tais on your dresser!

  27. Liz says:

    1. Lexus = cheap ass car. You should be driving a Lamborghini Testarossa.

    2. Who the hell serves French pastries? You need a new dealership.

    3. Tennis? Too much exercise in 102 degree heat (unless you have an indoor court).

    4. Do NOT buy property. Bad, bad investment right now. Unless, of course, you can get something cheap from Nicholas Cage.

    5. Fire the masseuse; no one cancels on Laura!

    But in reality, that goat has a huge head (and is cute as hell!!).

  28. Dannie says:

    I tell ya, it’s not the 102 degrees killing you…it’s the HUMIDITY . 102 degrees where I live is hot, but find shade and it’s manageable.

    love that goat face….here’s us making kissy faces at the goat. ;-B

  29. You lost me at Lexus. But then I caught on. Did you watch the video I tweeted you?! You MUST.

  30. Jan says:

    Goats and the Batmobile… double win!

    Hmm, I suppose it would be totally evil to mention that it’s 74° and sunshine here, wouldn’t it?

    Yep. Evil. Completely. But that’s just how I roll.

  31. Carolyn says:

    HAhaaaa …. your brain is a thang to behold… I’ve overeaten today … feeling soooo bad about it.

    Click on your blog and I’ve belly laughed enough to work off at least an 1/8 cup of Promise Land’s Peaches and Cream milk… write something else so I can work on the cheese/cinnamon bread sandwiches…

    Sooo glad I found this blog…love your goats

  32. Nicole says:

    So maybe the goat’s name is Muffy so it fits in with your dream? :)

  33. cricket says:

    I thought it must of been a case of heat stroke plus rabies. *whew* No heat stroke.

    • Laura says:

      I think I have heat stroke today.

      • cricket says:

        Sorry to hear it. Maybe this time your Lexus will be fixed and you can actually drive it then. :)

        I can’t complain. It was a beautiful day (91 and low humidity) and my ear rabies is gone. Damn complex pool caused a lot of ear rabies this year.

        • Laura says:

          Pool rabies is damn near incurable.

          • cricket says:

            Tell me about it! Causes jaw rabies and over all crankiness.

            Now that I got it cured, wonder where the crankiness is coming from? Prolly not enough goats. Wait.. .I see some more pics. YEAH!

  34. Girl, it was 113 on the back porch today.

    That’s just about enough of that.

  35. CGHill says:

    You don’t ever want to see the engine light, even on a Hyundai. It never means anything good.

    (Average cost per appearance on my Infiniti: $580.)

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