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Wherein I bore y’all senseless with blurry photos from an art museum. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

My posse and I went to the Columbia Art Museum this past weekend because we’re fancy like that. I snapped some pictures while I was there with my little point and shoot because I didn’t want to drag my big Nikon around with me all day. Well okay, honestly, flash photography is a no-no there and I have no fucking clue how to turn the flash off on the thing. Yes, it came with a manual. Stop yelling at me.

Anyway, I took some pictures and I was showing them to J and he was all “What’s the name of that painting/sculpture? Who’s the artist?” And I was all “I don’t know.” He said ”Weren’t you an art major?” and I was all “Dude, that doesn’t mean I know ALL the paintings or ALL the sculptures in ALL the world.” and he said “You should have taken a picture of the plaques beside them with the title then.” So here are some titles because apparently art Nazi’s like titles.

"Shut The Fuck Up Down There, We Can't Even Hear Ourselves Think Up Here"

"Babies Are Boring, Y'all"

"Get Off The Fucking Phone, Whore, We're Paying You By The Hour"

"OMG He's Not Wearing Any Underwear-LOL "

"Discombobulated"

"I'm Not Telling Her The Messiah Needs A Damn Diaper, Let's Draw Straws"

"The Flying Spaghetti Monster in Marinara Sauce"

"Moo"

Best. Degree. Ever.

82 Comments
 

82 Responses to Wherein I bore y’all senseless with blurry photos from an art museum.

  1. Jennifer says:

    LOL! I love them! I want to go with y’all sometime!

  2. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Poor J. Always a Nazi, never a Commie.

  3. Heather says:

    Those are great photos and even better titles!

  4. One Crazed Chick says:

    The titles are 100% accurate. That degree has paid off.

  5. Tink says:

    I love “MOO” Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. !

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    No Circus Peanut Performance Art?

  7. The Other Crazed Chick says:

    I took pictures of the plaques by the pix. of course I didn’t know any better….heehee! It just seemed the sensible thing to do… Ill send em….

  8. When you run your own city you get to initiate a “Sister City” program which is really just a political excuse to travel for free to some weird-ass other city and “learn” important stuff like, “where do ya’ll keep your hookers?”

    But you could pick a cool place like Venice to be the Sister City and we could all go on a cultural junket at the whore’s, uh, taxpayer’s expense except that would make US the whores I suppose. Anyway, we could go dig the art and say “lasagne” all day.

  9. hoodyhoo says:

    I get the same thing — “You got your degree in Communications? Who was that guy who was in that movie about that thing with that girl I don’t like who’s dead now?” Ummm… was it Ivan Tokillya?

  10. Jade says:

    I seriously LOL’ed at “Babies Are Boring, Y’all.”

  11. Princess says:

    I have to say, as funny as your title is on “Moo”, your photography is stunning.. That is a very picturesque picture….. It belongs in a magazine… really Keeewl!

  12. Yabu says:

    You’re a fancy Head Pimp with class. Fact.

  13. Holly says:

    yay! The spaghetti monster!!! YAYA! Finally spotted outside of that Michaelangelo thing entitled ‘painting of man and the flying spaghetti monster’

  14. Jena says:

    I can see you did earn that degree and put it to awesome use! niiiccceee… HA!

  15. patti says:

    Had you gone the weekend of June 17, you could have listened to my kid play Irish music there!

    Next time I have to go to an art museum I want you to come be our teacher guide person – then I can know what all the art REALLY is! I’d even treat you to a museum food lunch and tip you a bag of Circus Peanuts and we can look for paintings of baby goats.

  16. AmyLynn says:

    Your titles are so much more interesting. This should be a regular feature over here.

    My degree is Liberal Arts……worthless? YEP

    Try explaining to your kids what a Liberal Arts degree means! ha

    that is all

  17. BEST ARMCHAIR TOUR EVAH!!!!

  18. Brea says:

    You should start a business writing titles for artists and bloggers and book, magazine, and newspaper writers.Seriously, y’all is SCARY GIFTED!

  19. Hilarious! I agree with patti (up above) – the museum should pay you to be a tour guide.

  20. Cheryl says:

    Best docent ever!

  21. Mrs. Who says:

    Museum employees can be assholes. I was at a BIG museum in Los Angeles…middle of the week, and no one else was there. As I wandered around, I noticed a piece of French furniture that looked dusty as hell. I went to wipe it off with my hand when this damned employee from hell appeared Ninja-like from NOWHERE and told me not to DARE touch it! I nearly pissed my pants at his sudden and LOUD appearance. He wouldn’t even listen when I tried to show him that it was DUSTY. So I left. Keep your damn dusty museum, ninja-jerk.

    • Laura says:

      That sonsabitch. There were loads of guards there and one stopped me because my camera was POINTED towards the Rembrandt room. Power trippin’ guards.

      • J says:

        Perhaps that is the job you need. You could tell them you can bring your own Taser. You could post the security camera recordings on your blog.

        Head of Taser Inc. supply chain management: “Look at this peculiar spike in sales to Columbia SC. Is there some kinda new police academy or something there?”

    • awarpedknitter says:

      Geeze, don’t ever go to the alleged Rock and Roll Museum in Cleveland. There was a looong line for the elevator so we walked up the staircase. Some museum person came down and started yelling at us for walking up the staircase because the rules say that you are supposed to go up the elevator and down the stairs. So I explained to her that I was one of the first rock and rollers back in the ’50′s and Rock and Roll was about breaking the rules so we were just acting in the true spirit of Rock and Roll, which she did not appreciate and threatened to have us escorted out.

  22. Jeffro says:

    “The Flying Spaghetti Monster in Marinara Sauce” sculpture really moved me. It’s as if I can feel his noodley appendages from here. It’s just not every day one gets to view such important and ground breaking art.

    Truly, I am touched.

  23. Liz says:

    Your titles were great and I LOLed.

    I have a question though. Where’d you get that degree? From the back of some magazine that asked to to draw a picutre of Winky the Fawn or Lucky the Duck? HA!

  24. That flying spaghetti monster is scary as SIN. Thanks.

  25. Nicole says:

    Love the FSM….

    We went to see the Waterlillies exhibit at the Nelson art museum. It was all 3 panels together. I got in trouble for videoing them. Sha. Like you can’t photo anything else in the building and they had no signs up. But nyah to them – by the time the guard got to me I pretty much had the whole thing taped.

  26. J just doesn’t have a clue, does he? I was an engineering major and they never did let me drive any choo-choos! Guess who still ain’t paid his student loans!

  27. I have no idea how I found your blog but I fuckinglove you. I have no time for additional reading but I cannot pass up the chance for your absolutely amazing posts. Thank you SO much!

  28. Dannie says:

    meh….I hate art :D

  29. Larry says:

    I don’t have a degree. I am just a professional knuckle-dragger. I know lots of people with degrees. I’m afraid to get one, because I think it would really hurt to have half my brain removed from my head and shoved up my ass.
    Maybe that’s just managerial degrees…

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