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Nothing is sweeter than knowing a three-day holiday weekend is coming, well, except winning the lottery because then every day is a three-day holiday with sprinkles on top. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

My weekend involved two failed murder attempts made on my life. The first was by my GPS system, and the other by an old man wearing a hat driving on the highway. Never trust your GPS or an old man in a hat; or an old man in a hat with a GPS. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m saying. All I know is I had a trunk-load of dead hookers that went banging around as I swerved and skidded into the emergency lane, all the while screaming like a school girl as I saw my life flash in front of my eyes. And the really fucked up part was it wasn’t even my life that flashed in front of my eyes, but some chick named Trixie who stripped for rent and pizza money. Maybe I was her in a previous life, or maybe I’ll be her later in this one if I keep dressing up spiders and calling all my co-workers bitches. One thing’s for sure, I’ll need to lose more weight if I have to haul it all up on a pole for a living.

Now it’s Sunday night as I write this and  this is what I’ll be looking at soon:

Here's where Eric Northman is saying "I want you, Laura Ledford." At least in my head anyway.

Season four of True Blood premieres tonight. If you aren’t watching this series, you need to seriously re-evaluate your life. Listen to me because evidently I was or will be a stripper and everyone knows a stripper is wise to the ways of the world,  or insane from the untreated VD. I don’t know which, maybe both. Just watch the damn show.

62 Comments
 

62 Responses to Nothing is sweeter than knowing a three-day holiday weekend is coming, well, except winning the lottery because then every day is a three-day holiday with sprinkles on top.

  1. Jade says:

    LOL! I’m glad you made it safely off the highway! Did you bury your dead hookers?

  2. Jennifer says:

    I love True Blood! Eric is HAWT!

  3. Holly says:

    OH NOE!!!! Stupid TV didn’t tell me s4 started already and I MISSED IT! G’ddamit!

  4. Imagination says:

    I thought you said they took your meds away from you….

  5. Holiday says:

    HEY! What are you doing out of your box? I thought you didn’t do highways….Clown’s and Mimes? WTF. You are living dangerously these days…

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    I dunno. A guy who looks and vamps like that probably has a stronger crush on George than you do; not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you.

    I just would hate to see you get so cruelly crushed again.

  7. Yabu says:

    The way I see it, pole dancing is kinda a variation of Stick Science, so you’d probably be good at it.

    • Laura says:

      I dunno. I’m kinda clumsy.

    • MorningGlory says:

      I don’t know…I don’t think pole dancing would be anything at all like stick science. In pole dancing you don’t actually POKE anything with the pole. In stick science, you (presumably…I know) wear clothes continuously throughout the entire process. Even shoes if you’re smart; you don’t want to get goo from whatever you’re poking with a stick oozing up between your barenaked toes.

  8. Curtalfriar says:

    Ya gotta watch out for little old ladies too. I’ve been in accidents three times in my life, fortunately ones from which I emerged relatively unscathed. Each time it was a little old lady barrelling down the road and plowing into other cars.

    And not to brag, but I get a three day weekend every week. Sometimes I get a four day weekend. And yeah, it’s nice. :D

  9. Julia says:

    I hate it when Hobo’s in hard hats run me off the road! I hope the trunk hoes are all ok!

  10. The Nickster says:

    Well I guess I will have to watch this stupid vampire show just so I can confirm that it licks balls. Your promo pic is definitely not a selling point. FACT.

  11. Suzanne says:

    I know you like to bury the dead hookers yourself and all, but should you be driving with the band-aids over your eyes?

  12. Erik says:

    Checking in

    Sigh – I don’t have HBO or Showtime or Sin-max. The whole “sexy vampire” genre is as tired as a 5 dollar whore. (wait,what did I say?). I would rather see Nosferatu…

    Does your three day weekend involve anything with a certain Mr. Clooney? Mine will involve spending probably too much money on explosives.

  13. Maeve says:

    You’ve got George so hands off Eric. He is ALL MINE!!!!!!

  14. CGHill says:

    I hope that when a life flashes before my eyes, it’s my life; at least I’d find some of it comprehensible.

  15. Dannie says:

    ha ha ha….old men in hats with GPS is never a good thing and always a lethal weapon!

  16. laughingmom says:

    First lesson my mother gave me when driving : Never get near an old man in a hat! I have already impressed both of my kids with that knowledge.

  17. Okay, re-evaluation complete and I’m still not watching the series……because we don’t have HBO! I had to call DirecTV and remove it from our service package in order to have enough money to buy hats……and Geritol. Now quit your whining and send Trixie over…..I have pizza.

  18. Becoming a vampire will take care of the untreated VD.
    I don’t think it would do anything for the “insane” though.
    That’s pretty much a feature, not a bug, as far as vampires are concerned.

  19. An old man wearing a hat, walking down the highway?? Whatever for???

    You should chuck the GPS and just use your iPhone. It’s easy and very blingy, and approved by 12 year olds everywhere.

  20. mindy says:

    Hell yeah! I’m a whole season behind on True Blood. I’m waiting for season 3 on Netflix. Perhaps I should stop being a cheap ass and get HBO/Showtime/Pervert Channels. But then that’s all I would do. I would be a TV crack whore.

  21. I agree on all counts. Old men in hats CANNOT be trusted. And my GPS (named Monica) is the bitch of all bitches. Also, Eric is delicious.

  22. Liz says:

    Do not attempt pole dancing whilst suffering from rabies, leprosy etc. (there’s too aliments many to list). You WILL fall from said pole and die. Fact!

    I have never watched True Blood. Your picture has caused a small vein in my eye to pop from his sheer sexiness. I will Netflix the hell out of seasons 1 through 3 and venture into True Blood viewership. Thank you for making me into even more of a couch potato. HA!

  23. Jena says:

    goddammit! I just watched it online. ha!

    • Laura says:

      Did you see who the president of the vamps is now?!!

      • Jena says:

        Yes! I was shocked! That explains why Eric left so easily! It niggled at me right when it happened. Eric is better for her anyways. I gotta say what Tara did surprised me!

        • Laura says:

          Tara went crazy after being raped by that insane vampire. I bet Sooky will go after her to bring her back. Also, I LOVED the serial killer’s little kid sitting in the middle of the floor with all those decapitated dolls around him! “Listen to mommy, murder is bad.” HAHA!

  24. Jena says:

    Laura, did you remember to blink?

  25. zonker says:

    NSFW but this sums it up for me…
    http://imgur.com/r/pics/maurs

  26. Kristy says:

    I have only one thing to say about this. YUM!

  27. hotpants™ says:

    New episodes of True Blood is the highlight of my fucking year!

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