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I wonder how much the toll is to cross the River Styx now, you know, with inflation and all. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I had a follow-up appointment with my eye doctor and he’s says my eyes are better, which means they just feel like needles being jammed into them instead of a lit cigarette being ground out on them. I know what y’all are thinking “That pin-sticking feeling is from all her voodoo, that dumbass.” And that’s okay to feel that way, because I do too, but I’m alright with a little collateral damage with the good that my voodoo did.

Anyway the doctor says they are healing, but he’s still at a loss at just what caused the damage. He thinks I am not closing my eyes completely at night and that might be the cause. I was all “Well, my cat is a serial killer, so I’ve probably trained myself to sleep with one eye open.” I pointed to my worse eye and said “I probably used this one more; my cat sleeps on that side of the bed.”  He just kind of looked at me blankly, turned around to his desk and said “We’re stopping your pain meds.”

I’ve rendered y’all a rendering of his solution:

I'm bringing sexy back.

77 Comments
 

77 Responses to I wonder how much the toll is to cross the River Styx now, you know, with inflation and all.

  1. iampisspot says:

    I think your fucked up eye problem has less to do with your serial killer cat and more to do with the whore-bag-Elisabetta- Canalis, and the voodoo shiz she is whoopin’ your ass with.

    I think she’s on to you, Laura.

    Never trust Italians.

  2. iampisspot says:

    Yo, my comment disappeared. I think Elisabetta Canalis is on to me too.

  3. Mars says:

    Well, he didn’t suggest one for your mouth so that’s good, right?

  4. Lizzybeth says:

    Couldn’t find a doc with a sense of humor? AND he stopped your meds? NOT COOL. Nice rendering though.

  5. Jennifer says:

    LOL! I freakin’ love that shirt! And I’m glad your eyes are better- wish they were completely though!

  6. June fly says:

    Well, you can try taping quarters to your eyes at night.just dont get the tape on your brows or you’ll have another issue.Love the rendering,

  7. Tink says:

    You’ve just been watchin out for succubus whores, but you can rest easy now.. for a while…glad your feeling a little better.. it sure took a long time…

  8. Jade says:

    OH poor you! I hope your eyes get all better soon!

    I bet you really do own a tshirt like that!

  9. You know what you have to do. You have to video yourself while asleep. A little surveillance usually solves most mysteries. We can have a world-release preview night right here.

  10. hoodyhoo says:

    it’s probably best that he stopped your pain meds — you need to be alert at all times to avoid being serially-killed.

  11. Princess says:

    I’m pretty sure if you drink enough of that expensive Gin your eyes will close.. probably sooner than you want them to. And just a friendly reminder, if and when your done with “J” I will gladly take him off your hands.. no problem….

  12. Yabu says:

    I’ll be sending some Good Good Juju your way. I want more than anything for you to be happy, and I want to remain on your good side.

  13. Julia says:

    Just remember to take the bandaids off in the morning. Otherwise, you might think you’ve gone blind. And I have a feeling from what you’ve told us about J, he might let you believe it for a while.

  14. Cats are murderous bastards disguised by fur and cute.
    Fact.
    And I’m so glad your eye is improving!
    Way to heal thyself, wonder woman!

  15. One Crazed Chick says:

    Glad your eyes are better!! Make sure the bandaids are off during the day so you can see Boo coming towards you. Of course, if he comes at night, well then you’ll just have to “know” it’s him. Make sure he doesn’t come on the same night J is there, otherwise you might get the two confused!

  16. Rick Martin says:

    Further proof that George is gay. His beards get tired of his loves on the downlow and leave him. He cannot have long term relationships with women. He is waiting for Brad to leave Angie and the kids before coming out.

    I feel comfortable saying this out in public again because I know you have given up voodoo.

  17. Teresa says:

    Glad to hear your eyes are getting better even if it means you don’t have a reason to wear an eye patch. Now you’ll be able to spot your Boo when he strolls into town.

  18. laughingmom says:

    Have you thought about sleeping with swim goggles on? Protect your eyes, watch your cat and be ready when Boo arrives?

  19. Elphaba says:

    You are SUCH a trendsetter! Only, get some cool bandaids, with dinosaurs on them or some shit like that. Beige is so…boring. ;)

  20. Jena says:

    That dr is an asshole, taking your pain meds away…

    cool rendering. kinda creepy.

  21. Jena says:

    You really should get that blood work done for Sjorens to be tested and get it ruled out.

  22. Jan says:

    No more pain meds? Damn that’s harsh!

  23. Liz says:

    Now’s your chance Laura!
    Design and patent an “Eye Closer” device. Sell it on late night TV (“but wait there’s more”) for $9.99 plus shipping.

    You will be RICH! And, you can tell the Bunch O’Bitches to go to hell.

  24. Jena says:

    Your daily reminder to blink!

  25. Tad says:

    Well, I dont know about the “rich” part but you can definitely tell them to go to hell……Just that would be fun……

  26. Jamie says:

    I believe the toll to cross the river Styx now includes blinged iPhone cases, toy dinosaurs, chewed Gumby figures, and a large fake spider covered in Christmas lights. You’re all set, but the rest of us are screwed.

  27. mel says:

    Ha. So … noticed the tee shirt in the drawing. I saw on your facebook about the witch being dead. How’s that working out for you? You married yet?

  28. Imagination says:

    OK.. So the “Party” with Johnny D and George C is back on.. Lets get em here! and “DO IT”……

  29. Larry says:

    so…paying the ferryman makes you blind? You know, my mother used to tell me something like that…

  30. I think there are plenty of legitimate reasons for sleeping with your eyes partially open. Assassin cats and really interesting tv programs come to mind. Also really interesting tv programs about assassin cats. Anyhow, you’re a trendsetter in this field and your eye doctor needs to get with the program.

  31. kim says:

    I have dry eyes and I recently found Refresh gel eyedrops. They sound weird and they kind of are, takes a few blinks to see clearly, but oh the pain is gone! It is wonderful to have eyes instead of balls of sandpaper. I don’t know if this would help you at all since it sounds like you just need time to heal but though I would mention it.

  32. Kim says:

    What the hell? Why is there no bacon on your bandaids? Are you crazy? That would lure in George exwhorus (Latin for George exwhorus) and grease your eyeballs, there.

  33. Nicole says:

    That grocery store deal makes me want. That is freakin’ cool. I do like to go to the grocery store, but this seems like it would be soooo handy.

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