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Sometimes I wonder why J puts up with me, but then I remember how awesome I am. Plus, I think he’s a little afraid of my voodoo if I’m ever jilted. I really should be a relationship counselor. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I’m always on the lookout for a good movie to watch. My favorite genre is horror, followed by classics and period pieces.  Yeah, I know weird, but I like what I like. Anyway, here’s a conversation I had with J yesterday as we were  watching the television:

J: “I sent you an email yesterday about a series on Netflix about 12th century England. Have you seen it before?

Me: “I don’t think so. Are there midgets in it?”

J: “What?”

Me: “Are there midgets in it?”

J: “I think you mean “little people” and though I’m sure there were little people in 12th century England, there weren’t any in this series.”

Me: “What do you have against midgets?”

J: “I don’t have a thing against LITTLE PEOPLE.”

Me: “Well you get all huffy and shit when I mention midgets.”

J: “Laura, they’re called “little people.” Can we change the subject?”

And he grabbed the television remote all agitated and shit and started channel surfing. Suddenly The Wizard of Oz  appeared on the screen. It was the scene where The Lollipop Guild was singing to Dorothy. J turned and looked at me expectantly, and I looked at him all wide-eyed and whispered “I see little people…”

Now here’s a picture of a baby Nigerian Dwarf Little People Goat chewing on a stick:

Nigerian Dwarf Goat

104 Comments
 

104 Responses to Sometimes I wonder why J puts up with me, but then I remember how awesome I am. Plus, I think he’s a little afraid of my voodoo if I’m ever jilted. I really should be a relationship counselor.

  1. Larry says:

    So what does he have against midgets?
    (midgets are different from dwarfs, you probably knew that since you are wise in the way of the wee folk, but J probably doesn’t.)

    • Laura says:

      I think it’s because he hates freedom. And goats. I’m not sure though on the midget thing really, but I do know he hates freedom and goats. And Circus Peanuts.

  2. Jennifer says:

    LMAO!! I bet J was expecting “MIDGETS!” That is one cute Little People Goat! lol How little was it by the way?

  3. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Everything is better with midgets in it. Including Jello.

  4. Heather says:

    LOL! I love yours and J’s conversations.

  5. One Crazed Chick says:

    It’s so much more fun to not be politically correct! When we grew up, they were midgets. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks (or words). Or is it old dogs now? would that be old ladies? I’m not sure of the PC term for us

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    So he’s in favor of the Oompa-loompas unionizing and over throwing the evil Wonkian Hegemony that has them enslaved?

  7. hoodyhoo says:

    I myself am freaking terrified of midgets, and I refuse to call them “little people” because I figure having a crippling fear of an entire group of PEOPLE is so bigoted, what’s the point? I really feel bad about it, though… but that doesn’t make it stop.

    • Laura says:

      If I saw a midget clown I would scream. Then run. Most definately run. That’s like nightmare shit right there.

      • DearSweetMama says:

        I once saw a show about drunken sports in England (or was I drunk myself because it makes no sense they would make such a show) and one of the games they played was midget bowling. You can get the mental picture and be correct. And midget wrestling used to freak me right out but you never see it anymore either. I have personally known two midgets and would rather have known a goat – they were both quite mean. And little. And spooky.

        • Laura says:

          If I were a midget I’d be mean. Seriously. Imagine people bowling with you. OMG where do people put their fingers as they toss you? Nevermind, I don’t want to know.

  8. Julia says:

    I was ALMOST a little person… I ended up being 5 feet tall and to look at me you would think I look pretty normal (depending on your definition of normal) but I will share a secret… My arms are too short… like by at least an inch…maybe too! Please don’t judge me! I’m cute like that goat!!

    • Laura says:

      Oh no, I would never judge you or anyone by their size. Never. I try to only judge people by their stupidity, laziness, and being assholes. I like to torment J with my inappropriateness, well, what he sees as inappropriate anyway is all.

      • Julia says:

        LOL…I judge me when I realize I can’t reach things I should be able to… But I have a twin sister with the same thing (she pointed it out to me)…I make fun of her… its fun!!

        An J sounds like fun to torment! Does he turn red?

        • Laura says:

          Flushed with anger actually. HA! My mom was short- 5’1. Compared to me and my brothers she was a midget. She always bitched about not being able to reach things.

      • suzy says:

        OMG! I LOVE THIS REPLY! LOVE! BAHAHAHA!

  9. Tink says:

    Well, I guess you could call me a “Little people” but I dont mean to “Scare” folks…. I much prefer the word “TERRIFY” yep, that’s what I like… It’s a napoleon thing.. HA! And Thanks “J” for stickin up for me!

  10. I was amused as I read this, and then snorted my coffee all over the computer when I got to the last sentence. For some reason, I’m still snickering over the Little People Goat, which is too freaking adorable.

  11. K, so what if there was a classic horror movie set in 12th Centruy England? Does such a triumvirate exist?!

  12. I LOVE period pieces so much that I will declare my LOVE in ALL CAPS.

    Also, no reason to fear little people! I’ve known 2 in my days, and they were probably more awesome than I am. Probably.

    • Laura says:

      I don’t fear them. I fear clowns, in all sizes really, but something about a clown in miniature really freaks me out. But the miniature part probably goes back to my fear of children, not small people. *Shivers* One of my friends has a midget sister. Both her and my friend said “Call her a midget, that’s what she is” anyway, she’s cool as hell.

  13. Jena says:

    Awesome! See? your voodoo hoodoo works! *cue twilight zone theme music*

    • Laura says:

      I know. I’ll even say “Let me cut your hair” and he’ll go “Hell no, you’ll use it for voodoo on me!” Ha! Smart man.

      • Jena says:

        Does he pick all the hairs off the pillow before he leaves? Does he not realize ANY bodily fluid is just as good?

        Well maybe he won’t read this or he might not kiss you ever again!

  14. Jena says:

    You should make a list of the things that bothers J. LOL

  15. patti says:

    Is Pygmy politically incorrect these days? One never knows anymore. And I love your commenters ALMOST (but not quite) as much as I love you – or your funneh anyways – in a never met you (or them) all on the internet kind of way.

    Now I am going to play with my pony – who is very, um, vertically challenged?

  16. LeeAnn says:

    It’s not a stick. It’s the recently unearthed thighbone of a British 12th century victim of the vicious social plague that struck throughout the land… midgets being punted mercilessly for not producing a shrubbery on command.
    I haven’t had coffee yet.

  17. “Well you get all huffy and shit when I mention midgets.”

    Huffy?!? Aha, see! That overpriced LSD bicycle is still calling. I suspect someone may be trying to Voodoo you, Laura.
    Be wary, wary carefuwl.

  18. Years ago I got to speak to Maynard Rabbe (the Mayor of Munchkinville) over the phone when he called into my insurance office. Fact.

    That means I’m only one degree of separation from Judy Garland. Too bad I’m not a gay midget. NTTAWWT

  19. I so need a voodoo doll for my co workers. Even the cool ol’ lady has turned into a compelte freak! Cute goat pic today! That visual will carry me through my day.

    • Laura says:

      Somedays I will just look at my goat pics and search for goat videos because I have to put up with a bunch o’bitches. That’s why God made goats. Well, that and that whole meat and milk thing.

  20. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    1. Goat Cheese!
    2. Little People= what the Average Politician thinks of Us!
    3. Midgets and dwarfs…no more an issue than blonds or Gingers(sorry)
    4. Clowns, Midget Clowns, etc. Yes, they’re evil,
    But Midgets mimes with harmonica’s are just…SICK!

  21. Thanks for cheering me up everyday, Laura. I lost a friend today, and I’m grateful for the laughs!!

  22. Erik says:

    Checking in with Your Craziness…

    “I really should be a relationship counselor.”

    No, J may think you may need relationship counseling – big difference.

    Serious storytime:
    I once knew a girl who seemed OK when you first met her, and then when she talked, you knew that there were some SERIOUS shate going on inside her mind. The kind of person that would shut down conversation in a room. I stopped calling her..

    A few months later I am listening in on one of those call-in shows with a pyschologist, and a familiar sounding voice calls in. Oh yes…its her. At one point, she says that she’s “been to therapy”. He tells her that “you might have BEEN to therapy, but you need to be IN therapy”.

    True story.

  23. zonker says:

    The goats are yours but keep yer paws off my midgets.

  24. Back in the mid 80s HBO ran a movie called Under the Rainbow. At least I think they did. I was in between marriages then and going through my second childhood so I may have just imagined it. That might explain why I can’t find a copy of it anywhere. Anyway it was about recruiting enough Munchkins to make the Wizard of Oz and it was hilarious!

    On another note, I’ve call THE BOSS a fidget (Female mIDGET) for years because she’s only 4’11″. Of course I only call her that when she’s in a good mood or I’m liable to get whacked on the headbone with a cast iron skillet. When she does that I get even by trimming a couple of inches off all the straws on one side of her broom so it only flies in circles and makes her dizzy…..or dizzier than normal. She is, after all a blonde and WHANG! WHANG! WHANG!
    Oh, look, fireworks and little birdies!

  25. Jan says:

    Everything pales against the cuteness of that baby goat!

  26. Suniverse says:

    J is so totally lucky to have you.

  27. guffaw says:

    So, can one become pregnant from a period piece?
    Jus’ wondering…

  28. Liz says:

    Here’s a new movie genre for you: Midget Porn.

    Yes, it exists. My hubby worked for a cable company many years ago and a install tech was fired. Hubby had to clean out the equipment from his truck. Low and behold, he found a DVD of midget porn (that’s what it said on the back cover!). He ran it to his supervisor and everyone had a great laugh. That night, the supervisor took it home. Hubby quit that job right quick.

  29. Handflapper says:

    I went to elementary school with a midget. And he was not a “Little Person,” because little people are dwarves, and he was not a dwarf, because dwarfs (I use both plural forms because spellchecker recognizes both and I want to be fair) have typical-sized torsos and heads but short legs and arms, and he was very small all over. His head was the size of a softball, seriously. He would get so mad at us for picking him up and carrying him around at recess.

    Oh, wait. Apparently he COULD have been a dwarf, because according to the internet, there is such a thing a proportional dwarfism. But I still say he was a midget.

  30. Mikey says:

    Dwarfs and midgets used to describe different physiological phenomena. Now both are pejoratives. All I know is that Peter Dinklage, a dwarf in the medical definition, is fucking awesome, and is currently portraying Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones on HBO, which is the most fucking killer series since fucking Deadwood. In deference to Deadwood I might throw in a “cocksucker” just for literary accuracy.

  31. Mikey says:

    As an addendum I must say that my grandmother loathed little people for reasons unknown and was super pissed when my dad recommended she read The Hobbit.

  32. Nicole says:

    And that’s what makes your crazy so appealing – a quick wit. :) That and goats.

  33. Liz says:

    This has nothing to do with midgest (little people?) but I’m wondering why I don’t have a picture when I comment? Am I an unworthy commenter?

    PS – I don’t want to see midgets having sex either!! HA

  34. Jeffro says:

    Let’s face it, J is just gonna have to learn to live with your awesomeness. End of story!

  35. Mary says:

    YES! I remember that movie!
    Under the Rainbow, 1981, starring Chevy Chase and Carrie Fisher, and Billy Barty. Crazy fun movie!

    You can find it at Amazon.com and walmart.com

  36. Rose says:

    LMFAO I’m 5’10…everyone is “little people” to me.

  37. CGHill says:

    I used to date someone four foot nine, although the surprising part of that clause is not “four foot nine” but “I used to date.”

    The woman who did my hair for several years was four foot six.

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