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THIS is why I should never be put in charge of promoting myself. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

If you friended me on Facebook and paid any attention to me whatsoever (because I really think most people there have me on block) you already know the news. I have a new blog! Well, it will still be Fetch My Flying Monkeys, and it will still be the same custom design, sorta, and it will still be filled with crazy, BUT it will be shiny new! The biggest thing is I finally get to dump my host, and more importantly, I get to dump my publishing platform, Movable Type, or what I like to call “Busted Ghetto Type From Hell.” Good riddance, motherfuckers.

Oh, and speaking of Facebook, you should friend me. I don’t know why. I really shouldn’t even attempt social networking. Seriously, besides being anti-social, I work sixty plus hours a week. I just have time to barely sneak in some iPhone mistyping shit occasionally, then add a few videos a couple of times a week of crap you saw last year. But I can promise you you’ll never get any Farmville shit from me, so there’s that at least.

Okay, so the new blog will be going “live” this weekend; the same weekend as the The Rapture. But that’s alright, because I know all you sonsabitches are going to be right here with me, crying your Jesus-doesn’t-want-me tears as you surf the net for free porn on your freshly-looted-good-Christian computer. NOT that I’ll be doing that.

And don’t worry, Goat Awareness Month will continue.

Goat Awareness Month

P.S. I-really-think-I-have-the-hang-of-this-hyphen-stuff.

102 Comments
 

102 Responses to THIS is why I should never be put in charge of promoting myself.

  1. Jennifer says:

    I’ll be on my freshly-looted-good-Christian computer reading your blog! LOL! That baby goat is so adorable!!

    *** ALL baby goats are adorable. Fact. ~Laura

    • Yabu says:

      Don’t you love this attached reply shit. If it doesn’t go all baddy on you in the beginning…you need to pay more attention to THE LOOK. Do not even try to tell me Jack doesn’t give you THE LOOK. Hell, I’m sure the NAZI is paying attention…because he’s getting THE LOOK.

      Just Sayin”

      • Laura says:

        Yes. THE LOOK. I know it. And OMG releasing and replying to comments is SOOO EASY here!

        • Yabu says:

          I have my comments set up, not that I get many, to automatically publish after they’ve been approved the first time. I read ‘em first in the email I receive, and I receive an email every time I receive a comment, regardless if I have pre-approved the commenter or not. You can always nuke ‘em later. Every comment I haven’t published I caught on the first go, before it was published, in an email asking for approval. I will allow anything, unless they insult the Juju Woman.

          MT zero, WP one…in binary.

  2. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    I’m just praying there’s more free porn after the Rapture.

    *** HA! I bet there will be. ~Laura

  3. One Crazed Chick says:

    That is one adorable goat! I can’t wait for your new and improved website to premier. You really should contact the news so that it can be announced appropriate, especially since it’s Goat month! that baby goat may suddenly disappear from its home. Maybe the owner will think it went with the end of the world thing.

    *** Yes! I say we stuff the babies in our shirts and make a run for it! Actually, if I could have one, I would buy that one in the photo in a heartbeat. It was so sweet. ~Laura

    • Yabu says:

      Ya’ll tuck ‘em wherever, and steal ‘em. I’ve got room on the Stretchengeti…and I’ve guards that will obey your every order. We’ll leave it at that, but the goats will be safe and sound. Stretch is the boss, and he will not take anything from anyone. Just sayin’.

  4. .
    Hyphens are totally worth the effort of keeping and using properly!

    Or is that hymens?

    *** I hope not. Ha! ~Laura

  5. Heather says:

    OMG! I want to hug and kiss that baby goat in the picture!

    I’m happy you are getting a new blog and hopefully the comments won’t break on this one!

    *** I KNOW, right?! Broken comments are very damaging to attention whores. ~Laura

  6. yay! you’ve totally mastered hyphens, you punctuation goddess.
    When Jesus takes me Sat, I’ll say, “can you wait til I’ve checked out Laura’s new blog first?”
    Then immediately after that I bet I’ll say, “that’s ok Jesus. I understand the confusion of the day. I knew it must have been a mistake, trying to Rapture me. See ya later, I hope.”

    *** Be sure to give Jesus my url. Wait a minute…on second thought, don’t. ~Laura

  7. Curtal Friar says:

    Cool, looking forward to seeing the new website.

    Is it still the same web address?

    Url, whatever.

    *** Yes. The thing is re-directing it to the new site may takes hours so I don’t know where people will be directed as it’s in the process. There or here or lolcats. Ha! ~Laura

  8. Yabu says:

    Word-Press? I-dumped-MT-for WP-a-while-ago.

    ***YES! WP-is so-much-easier! I-can’t-believe-I’ll-finally-not-have-to-keep-rebuilding-my-site-like-you-have-to-do-on-MT. Those-fuckers. ~Laura

  9. hoodyhoo says:

    I’ve been asking all the good Christians I know to spend the weekend filling their pockets with M&M’s and chicken wings. They don’t think it’s funny. Girl’s gotta eat, yo!

    *** I wish I knew some around here to ask. ~Laura

  10. Yabu says:

    You’re-gonna-like-it. Stay-safe-at-the-goat-farm, and-remember-how-lucky-you-are-that-were-two-on-the-Ark.

    *** The-goat-farm-is-like-the-Garden-of-Eden-without-all-the-nakedness. ~Laura

  11. PlayinPosse says:

    It’ll redirect us automatically?? Is that like our trip to the goat farm? Quick, slam on brakes, turn here? LOL

    *** HAHA! YES!! Exactly like that! Also- there maybe a period of time where it goes wonky, but my IT Department (J) will be right on it. ~Laura

  12. laughingmom says:

    The intranets will not be too busy except for us heathens – so hopefully you can have a smooth transition. I’m digging a moat this weekend to protect me from the zombies. You might want to free up some time for that!

    *** And what makes you think I don’t already have a moat? Girl, I’m ready for the zombies! ~Laura

  13. Mr. Bingley says:

    yep, WP is much much easier and more better. But watch out when you shift the archive over; a lot of our stuff at Swilling didn’t come over. I still have the old MT install and I will probably have to resort to bribing my Daughter to cut and paste everything over.

    *** Fortunately I didn’t have to do it, because probably my head would have exploded and I would have just nuked the whole project. I think everything came over pretty well, maybe some broken links within the entries. I am sure there will be tweaking along the way. I am just soooo happy to get off MT! ~Laura

  14. J is your IT Dept??

    So, he’s not so Nazi now, is he???

    HA!!!

    *** J is brilliant and actually the nicest man you’d ever want to meet. I fear I may just lose him in the Rapture, so I’m going to tie him up so he can’t float up to Jesus. That’s the reason I’m telling him anyway. ~Laura

  15. Cinny says:

    “J is brilliant and actually the nicest man you’d ever want to meet. I fear I may just lose him in the Rapture, so I’m going to tie him up so he can’t float up to Jesus. That’s the reason I’m telling him anyway. ~Laura”

    HAHAHAHAHA! Poor J.

    *** Shhhh. ~Laura

  16. Franz says:

    Hyphenation und Vordpress, too, ja?! Vee are so excited.

    *** Me too! ~Laura

  17. Now, that, is the cutest picture of a little goat!

    I guess this will be goodbye if the Rapture does happen, because I plan on going to enjoy the Kingdom! Please seek out my dogs and care for them for me, I will leave $10 attached to each of their collars for you, and a list of Meds and instructions for Brown Dog. White Dog just needs lots of love.

    *** You better leave more than 10. ~Laura

  18. Hound Doggy says:

    Goats??? I am aware. If you don’t know about this blog…you need to.
    http://edenhills.wordpress.com/

    and this one is written by a goat!!

    http://edenhillsgoat.blogspot.com/

    *** OH, NEAT-O! Thanks! ~Laura

  19. Elphaba says:

    Do you think that Jesus will rapture Crazy Betty? Jack will have to find new entertainment.

    *** I don’t know if Jesus does crazy. ~Laura

  20. Rick says:

    Who will take care of the goats after Saturday? Me! Ain’t a chance in a million my ass gets raptured.

    *** I will help tend to them also. ~Laura

  21. Tracy says:

    Laura, you are so crazy. I think you were right not to let her borrow it because she should not have waited until the last minute. I don’t think that she wanted to go buy a toy and so she thought about you having one. She probably thought you were going to say yes that she could borrow it.

    *** She was wrong. ~ Laura

  22. FOR THE LAST TIME, I’M NOT ON FACEBOOK! STOP ATTACKING ME!

    haha j/k. You should get on Twitter though.

    Oh, and cute goat.

    *** I didn’t like Twitter. ~Laura

  23. Jena says:

    sweet baby goat.

    *** It really was. ~Laura

  24. Goat Awareness Month for the End of Days. How apropos! Can’t wait for your new blog so I can become a minion, er, proper follower and not have to check this pg obsessively like I do…

    *** Ha! Hopefully all will run smooth. I just can’t wait for easier publishing! ~Laura

  25. Oddybobo says:

    I will be playing a looted guitar and looking up guitar tab on a looted computer…. Really though, I’m not sure I like a Rapture where Jesus gets to play favorites…. Where’s my union representation?

    *** I KNOW! We pay our dues! ~Laura

  26. AmyLynn says:

    Looking forward to seeing your new digs

    Be careful out there looting this weekend!!

    that is all

    *** I am always careful when looting. ~Laura

  27. VEG says:

    I think we really need to make it Goat Awareness Year because DAMN are those baby goats cute.

    And I plan on going to the mall on rapture day to be able to loot ALL the good stuff at Sephora. And I can’t follow you on facebook cause there is no link and now I feel left out and am going to pout in a corner.

    *** Oh, once Jesus takes the good people, I’m going full on hooker lookin’ so I’ll be hitting the Mac counter. And maybe I should consider Goat Awareness Year…hmm… ~Laura

  28. Jeffro says:

    Yes-I-agree-you-have-the-hyphen-thing-going-on-and-can’t-wait-to-see-the-new-digs-cuz-if-Jesus-is-gonna-haul-me-away-tomorrow-it’s-gonna-be-damn-hot-there.

    *** Take a fan and a wine cooler. ~Laura

  29. Jena says:

    So you are saying that J is so nice that you will PREVENT him from floating up?

    that’s just wrong…

    I will bring the duct tape.

    *** Yes, I want him to stay. ~Laura

  30. Liz says:

    Yeah, that rapture thing? Party at my house when it’s over for all of us who aren’t going!! You’ll have to bring your own tequila though cause I only have about 3 bottles. HA!

    *** I’ll bring the gin! And bacon. ~ Laura

    • Winston Smith says:

      I’m sure there will be plenty of unused credit cards just lying around. The banks will take several days to work out who went to Jesus, and who didn’t.

      • Laura says:

        HAHA! My posse and I pulled up to Applebee’s at 5:50 and there was a line. We sat in the car 10 minutes to see if the line would shorten. Sadly, we still had to wait. Bunch O’Sinners.

  31. Kevin says:

    I can’t wait to see the new blog on my new computer. The problem is that all of the lbj people I know won’t be all raptured up.

    *** You’re gonna have to go shopping then. ~Laura

  32. Suniverse says:

    I’m wondering if the rapture’s going to be all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, so few things are, you know?

    *** Yeah, I know. ~Laura

  33. Dannie says:

    So I went to pick up my child from daycare yesterday and when I went to go see her, she was playing with the plastic animals….and had 2 goats in her hand…so I thought of you…and wondered how your reach invaded the innocence of children ;) How.did.she.know.to.play.with.goats!

    Oh and I don’t think Advent people count for tomorrow because we don’t believe in the rapture, just the end of the world with lots of ressurections so I guess that means I’m also staying…I would friend you on FB since I’ve become a good stalker, but I’m at work and FB is blocked…damn public schools.

    *** Your kid is very smart. She’s a keeper. You need to get her some dinosaurs too. T-Rex is a must. And yes, damn public schools! ~ Laura

  34. Dannie says:

    you know what….my portable is right next to the recess area and I have no love for the principal…and she is playing Taylor swift and the black eyed peas at full blast…on second thought maybe there will be a rapture….oh.my.word.make.it.stop.

    *** HA! There isn’t much worse than The Black Eyed Peas. ~Laura

  35. Elphaba says:

    Oh, but Crazy Betty definitely does Jesus. Wait. That didn’t come out right.

    *** HAHA! Made me think of that scene in the Exorcist…ewww. But seriously, I bet Jesus has a restraining order on her. ~Laura

  36. Gena says:

    WOOHOO! It’s the same but better!! Which is good because I loved the other one too!

  37. SB Smith says:

    I promise You’ll Never get any farmville shit from me either ! I hate getting that, but eventually others realize _I. Am. Not. Playing._ I spend too much time online as it is.
    New goat photo !…..Awwwwwwwww…he needs a hug and a smooch.
    Re: the world ending tomorrow…I’m gonna be out picking whose really cool rides I want to drive home. I’m gonna need one of those 18 wheelers the news cars are delivered on….It’ll be kinda like Bait Car on TruTV….’cept no one will care.
    :-D

  38. SB Smith says:

    Hey…the new site/design is cool.

  39. Brea says:

    WOOHOO! I love wordpress, been on it for about a year and a half now, left blogspot for it, and wouldn’t change… unless they offered me a baby goat like that one you posted! Awwwww….

    You know, this whole “Rapture” thing is just someone’s way of getting everyone freaked out, so they give up their baby goats, gin, bacon and dinos to Jesus.

    RESIST. Jesus don’t really want ‘em. He’s all about fish and wine-coolers….

  40. Laura says:

    Ha! They can leave all the baby goats, gin, and bacon here.

  41. Jan says:

    Woohoo! Nice new digs!

  42. PermaTourist says:

    I thi there’s omet ing rong wi ommen sec ion. ‘m typ ng y co ment, bu it oesn’t loo right.

  43. patti says:

    Hmmm, looks a little different around here – looks left, looks right – have you done something with the place? :)

  44. CGHill says:

    I gave up on MT when it started taking five minutes just to publish a post and five hours to not complete a site rebuild. No regrets (apart from the $60 or so I actually spent on MT over the years).

    • Laura says:

      Wasn’t that rebuild thing insane? AND I would lose posts because it did something wacky and I hadn’t saved it manually. Arrgh.

  45. Gerald says:

    Woohoo, Love the new site. I can read it without my reading glasses lol.
    Next order of business, Goat T-shirts and mugs. Woot (just dreaming here in canuck land)

  46. Carra says:

    Wow! You can add interior designer to the list of your talents. Great color scheme. The place looks amazing! Feels like home already.

  47. Oh, I second that. I would love to have a mug with a goat that had a daisy between its teeth.

  48. Elphaba says:

    Ooooh!!!! SHINY! Love the new format! Tres cool!

  49. Elphaba says:

    Oh, and one can never have too much voodoo.

  50. Kim says:

    You have the best goats of anybody ever.
    Nice digs!

  51. Mikey says:

    Neato. The paint is still fresh.

  52. Tink says:

    OMG… THIS IS SOOOO KEWL! I love it…. Im sending you a youtube you have to watch… its in your e-mail. go see.!!!

  53. zonker says:

    Nice clean design…good job. I bet it looks great on an iPhone. Do you have an iPhone?

  54. Teresa says:

    So I guess I’m on the new blog… I’m soooooo behind on my blog stuff. I need to dump half my life so I can keep up with my friend’s blogs.

    Anyhow, congrats on the move and I hope you like your new digs.

  55. Nicole says:

    Like the new look! And I love the cow picture. So sweet.

  56. AlisonsDiary says:

    I don’t know how to tell you this without unleashing a level of hysteria never previously known. We have wild goats in Scotland. Great pointy bearded, sure footed, arrogant, jaunty horned beasts. There I have told you. I am off to find some photos which I will post……now deep breaths….1 …2……1….2….Goat love

  57. rdennis says:

    Welcome to the enlightened age, or wordpress as it were. Yup that little kid looks cute. He will look even better when he is full grown and some person is eating him. ;-)

    You quit cussing and I promise to quit teasing about the goats. (Tho’ in reality, it’s really not teasing. Those people of a certain persuasion do eat goats. And lambkins too! Oh my!)

  58. Larry says:

    Still here?
    Yeah, me too.

  59. One Crazed Chick says:

    how come I can’t access your site any more with internet explorer??? It keeps crashing. Does this have something to do with monkeys or goats??

  60. One Crazed chick says:

    ok, it’s working on i.e.on the compter with visit, it works on ie 8 and 9. it must be the shiny new computer

  61. THE OTHER CRAZED CHICK says:

    SHINY PINK LAP-TOP? WHAAAAT? IS IT A DELL?

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