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The Dinosaur Diaries: Entry Three. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
T-Rex with Coffee Cup

This incident involving my dinosaurs occurred Monday evening. The following is an accurate account of the incident to the best of my recollection.

 

The Incident

One of my friends “just happened to be in the neighborhood and decided to stop in to say hello.” After a few minutes of pleasantries the conversation suddenly turned.

“Laura, you have a T-Rex don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Can I borrow it for a couple of days? My son is doing a report for school on T-Rexes tomorrow and it would be cool if he had a visual aid.”

“No. My dinosaurs don’t leave the house.”

“How about I bring it back the same day?”

“No.”

“If anything happens to it, I’ll replace it. I swear.”

“How long have you known about this report?”

“A couple of weeks.”

“That was plenty of time to have ordered one for him.”

“You’re a mean person.”

“You’re a bad mom.”

“We still on for Red Lobster on Sunday?”

“I’ll see you there. Now get out of my house.”

 

P.S. Yes, the T-Rex is wearing a black armband. He is still mourning the murder of his friend, Pachycephalosaurus. Jack was the leading suspect in the crime but was never prosecuted. Lucky little fucker.

P.P.S. Patti from Good Googledy Moogledies went to India and saw, amongst other things, goats. She sent me pictures. Here’s one now:

Indian Goat

41 Comments
 

41 Responses to The Dinosaur Diaries: Entry Three.

  1. jennifer says:

    LOL! YAY! I love the Dinosaur Diaries!! Jack IS lucky he never got prosecuted!
    *** He’s the OJ Simpson of doxies. ~Laura

  2. Heather says:

    I would have thrown her out of my house! LOL! Who do people think they are trying to borrow other people’s dinosaurs?? I like that coffee mug.
    *** Me too. It was a birthday gift from a friend. ~Laura

  3. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    It’s nice though that you and your friends can work through differences and still meet at Red Lobster.
    *** Dude, Red Lobster always wins. ~Laura

  4. Truella says:

    I would think people would understand, that you DON”T “BORROW” other peoples Dino’s. that is like borrowing someones underwear…..That is a very personal thing… Good job warding her off.
    *** HA! Well, not really, but sort of. ~ Laura

  5. Ruby Red says:

    HAH! Borrowing Jesus..??? I’ll give him back in a couple days..??? What the Hell is wrong w/people? Get your own damn Jesus. She was probably gonna keep it for the 21st….. Yeah! she knew what she was doing… school project.. HAH!
    *** Hmmm…that may have been her motive now that you mention it… ~Laura

  6. Tink says:

    Good Morning.. what a really kewool cup! I’m glad you threw her out….Dumb Ass! (her not U) Did I say that is a really kewool cup? yeah! Where the hell did someone find that? Did they make it for you? Someone did!
    *** THAT was a birthday present! How cool is that? On the other side is the Wicked Witch. It’s like looking in a mirror! ~ Laura

  7. Princess says:

    The Goats in India look the same as ours! Ha.. I thought they would be bejeweled or something… Ya know like the Elephants.. Bummer.
    *** Yeah, but I bet they only understand Hindi. ~Laura

  8. Tad says:

    Throw her ass out! nobody can borrow Jesus.. Sneaky very very sneaky. I would hide him, she may come back with an army! nice cup!
    *** T-Rex is actually God from my childhood- but Jesus is close enough- same family I reckon. Yes, that cup is very nice. ~Laura

  9. Curtal Friar says:

    I agree about the dinosaur. I don’t like to loan anything out. Got too many books and DVDs I’ve loaned to people, and after a while, they mysteriously just assumed the book or DVD was theirs, even though they couldn’t remember ever purchasing it, so it was hell trying to get it back.
    Now, I don’t loan anything. Fuck ‘em.
    Don’t know about Red Lobster, though. Far better seafood places out there.
    *** My friends and I like the garlic biscuits and pina coladas there. No, I don’t loan anything out much anymore for that very reason. ~Laura

  10. Mr. Bingley says:

    The UN should hold peace conferences at Red Lobster instead in Paris or where ever.
    They’d get a hell of a lot more done and save us a ton of money.
    *** I know, right? Discussing shit over a plate of shrimp scampi and garlic biscuits is the way to do it, and just think what can be accomplished during Lobsterfest! World. Fucking. Peace. ~Laura

  11. hoodyhoo says:

    GRRRRRRR… Attention people with children (or, as I like to call them “Breeders”). Just because I am an adult who owns children’s-type toys does NOT mean I want to share them with your children. Now get the fuck out of here before I draw an obscene picture on my Lite Brite!
    *** HA! OMG You do that too? ~Laura

  12. steve says:

    That’s the main reason dinosaurs became extinct in the first place- kids taking them to school for show and tell.
    *** HAHA! YEAH! ~Laura

  13. lifeshighwy says:

    I feel like being a dissenter today. Being a breeder is highly stressful and you have to sacrifice brain cells every single friggin’ day. I give her points to be desperate enough to come to you to beg for the T-Rex.
    *** HAHA! Yeah, you gotta give her that. ~Laura

  14. diane dodd says:

    i want to bring henry to play at your house.
    love,
    breeder
    xoxo
    *** HAHA! Just have him bring his own toys. ~ Laura

  15. Larry says:

    I thought I saw a goat today on my way home from work, but it was only a white dog. There are goats on my way to work, though, so I’ll have to stop and get you some pictures.
    Mr Bingley, you are a bad bad man (but at least now we can ALL see what George sees in her).
    *** Ugh, WHORE-crab, and YES for goat pics! ~Laura

  16. Cinny says:

    Why would anyone that knows you ask to borrow your dinosaurs. They’re lucky you let them even look at them.
    *** I know, right?! ~Laura

  17. As I was typing before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED by the blog breaking:
    OMG!!! I was taking a different route home driving back from the hell of a mall when I saw a GOAT RANCH!!!! I’m talking at least 50 goats by the roadside!!!! And many, many kids (the goat kind, obviously)!!!
    Oh, and the friend surely has heard of Toys R Us, right? They have dinos there, for goodness’ sake…
    *** Oh I directed her to the toy store. OMG you must stop and get goat pics! It IS Goat Awareness Month after all!! This is why you were suddenly AWARE of the goat farm. ~Laura

  18. patti says:

    Neither a borrower nor a lender be… I think that is in the Jesus book.
    That goat up there was standing under a HUGE, huge I tell you, elephant statue carved from stone and standing in the middle of absolute nowhere India. But no decorative paint on him, sorry to say. The elephant that is, not the goat. Though the goat had no paint either. Did have really cute skinny Indian (dot not feather) kidlets herding him about.
    ***I liked that tiger pic you took too! I have a friend that lives in India half the year and he goes to a region where the tigers will grab the fishermen out of their boats! Good lawd. ~Laura

  19. Mr. Bingley says:

    No! I just want to keep our gracious hostess apprised of things that may concern her :)
    *** HA! Like I wanna see what WHORE-y things that WHORE is doing. ~Laura

  20. MorningGlory says:

    Some people … to think that they can just ‘borrow’ a dinosaur. And for their kid, no less! I would never lend out my dinos (if I had dinos. I don’t, though. I have pelicans. And camels. And I don’t lend them out.) I want the cup. Not yours, cause it’s yours. But I want one like it. I’m glad comments are fixed. I can’t wait to see the new incarnation of FMFM!
    *** Well, I kept the same design- because it’s unique and custom and I like it- but it’s bigger and shinier and the best thing is it’s with a different host, different publishing platform, and on it’s own server! Yay!! ~Laura

  21. Liz says:

    Ummmm. . . who doesn’t know what a T-Rex looked like? Hello! He needed a visual aide? I think not. And, her lack of execution does not require you to borrow your beloved dinos.
    *** I know! ~Laura

  22. Dannie says:

    my freaky side is musing aloud that I could probably make a good knot and squeeze into a vent or something and bring back a captive T-Rex….yes I WAS that kid that received my high award in tying knots and I would scheme every day about how to make a trap and how to whisk something with a rope and knot (damn only children and their great imaginative and creative skills)…but to be fair I would only do that so I could make an awesome scene with T-Rex and MY collection of matchbox cars and star wars legos….
    It’s a good thing I’m not a breeder…I just have a kid LOL ;)
    *** Ha! I used to steal my brother’s matchbox cars and pretend my dinosaurs would step on them and then they would eat the drivers. ~Laura

  23. laughingmom says:

    Okay – the page ate my comment, so if this shows up twice, I am twice as good of a follower! Anyway, I’m with ya Laura. My hubby and I have great toys and the neighborhood kids know it. They can come over and play – but the kids go home empty handed – except for the large amounts of candy that we give them to make their parents crazy!
    *** I’m all for hyping a kid up on candy right before the parents take them home. ~Laura

  24. Brea says:

    Oh, good! Glad the comments got fixed, thought it was just my damnphone!
    What I WANTED to say, is that Dinos are not TOYS, they’re ACTION FIGURES. Same as stormtroopers, they are not meant for playing they’re meant to illustrate the struggle between good and evil at its most BASIC level. That is… Dinos=GOOD; Stormtroopers=BAD EVIL FREEDOM-HATING NAZIS
    And that’s just not somethin’ you play around with!
    Sheesh.
    *** You get IT. I wish more people did. Mainly my friends. ~Laura

  25. Dannie says:

    oh btw the matchbox cars ARE MINE! Not my kids (I play with them at work and after she is in bed)….she likes sparkles and butterflies…hmmmmmm so opposite of me :) it’s great :)
    *** Oh, I knew that. I would hide my dinos too if I had a kid. (God forbid) ~Laura

  26. Jena says:

    You are AWESOME! Don’t cha ferget it either!
    *** Okay, now you’re the new Director of my PR firm. ~laura

  27. Rob says:

    It’s almost like visiting Jurassic Park when I come here … with all the goats and dinosaurs. Carry on. :)
    *** And you know you love it. ~Laura

  28. Dannie says:

    Oh I’m all about people deciding if they want kids or not…I hate people that harrass others that it’s their “duty” to be parents ….um NOT….
    I just think you’d be a rock awesome funny mom (God forbid because I know you don’t want to ;) )…sometimes even I think…’oh my poor child..she has a crazy mom’
    *** Oh I think if I wanted one I would have been the most awesome mom ever. And ya know- it amazes me how many people it upsets when a woman says they don’t want kids. I’m down with people having kids that want kids and actually raises their kids with manners ect. I am not down with people or kids trying to take my dinosaurs though. ~Laura

  29. Jena says:

    woot! woot! haha
    *** Did I tell you it’s volunteer though with no benefits? Ha! ~Laura

  30. Jena says:

    No, no you didn’t. Take it back!
    Ha
    *** Alright then. ~ Laura

  31. Jill says:

    I seriously can not get through the day unless I read your blog. That might signal a problem on my part, but I am ok with that.
    *** HA! Well, I will be moving the blog soon so there may be a day or so I won’t post (besides weekend) But I think this will be here so you can read some archives because I really want you to make it through the day. And thank you. ~Laura

  32. Nicole says:

    That goat looks like it has a stubbier face than our US goats do… though it may just be the angle. And all the goats in the US are probably from Mexico anyway… :P
    *** It really does have a stubby face. She sent others from different angles. ~Laura

  33. Awwww…. T-Rex looks like a good coffee-buddy. Is it weird that I think he’s cute?
    *** No not at all. Because he is. ~Laura

  34. Jan says:

    She’s damn lucky she didn’t join the dead hookers, huh? The gall of some people!
    (Hope this works, wouldn’t post this morning.)
    *** Yeah, my comments broke. ~Laura

  35. SB Smith says:

    Yep…that was plenty of time for her to have Ordered a dinosaur.
    An India goat !
    What a cutie !
    *** Proving all goats are adorable! ~Laura

  36. Rose says:

    Mmmmm. Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Damn you.
    *** MMMM carbs. ~Laura

  37. Erik says:

    Not sure I should try to comment here, since yesterdays got blown away.
    Anyway – what kind of kid does not have a T-Rex of his own that he has to borrow one?
    And Red Lobster has those awesome little biscuits. You really ought to order some biscuits and make little lobster sandwiches with them.
    *** Mmmm lobster sandwichesssss. ~Laura

  38. zonker says:

    Cute goat. I bet his name is “Curry.”
    *** NOOOOOoooooooooo! ~Laura

  39. SB Smith says:

    I found some awesome dinosaur (Xmas tree) ornaments at Hobby Lobby last December.
    :-D

    Jack will always be a teflon “criminal”….can’t make anything stick.
    Are cats calculating ?
    A friend of mine kept scolding her dog when she came home 3 days in a row to find the bathroom trash on the floor. Dogs often act guilty whether they are or not. Then my friend’s daughter came home at a different time – and caught the CAT laying in the trash on the floor, as if on a catnip high ! The cat was digging out the Sea Breeze cotton balls that the daughter had just started using. Of course the cat was fine with the dog getting the blame….until the cat was busted.

    *** Ha! Cats are scheming assholes that’s for sure. I need to find some cool dino ornaments. ~Laura

  40. cheryl says:

    I’m with you – I don’t loan my toys, I mean Important Stuff to anyone. Besides, kids, I mean people need their own dinosaur collections. I’ve started my 1 yr old grandson with a stuffed stegosaurus, as appropriate. So he stays away from my leather T-Rex.

    *** Ha! Yes, that’s how it should be done. You should talk to my friends. ~Laura

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