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I hereby proclaim the second week of May International Goat Week, mainly because I have lots of goat pictures y’all need to see. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Sunday my right ear started feeling funny again. You know, like the last time when I thought there was a bug in it. And I thought to myself “Laura, you thought it as a bug the last time and you ran to the doctor and it was an ear infection brought on by allergies, so it’s not a bug now. It. Is. Not. A. Bug.” I did a pretty good job convincing myself it wasn’t a bug, so I went looking for allergy medicine. There wasn’t any Benadryl in the house and all I could find was a half-empty bottle of NyQuil with an expiration date of August 1999, and a box of Jesus Band Aids. So I drank the NyQuil and put one of the Jesus Band Aids on a razor cut on my leg I had gotten earlier that morning while shaving. I figured Jesus would fend off any staph or leprosy and I wouldn’t lose my leg. I don’t know, I was drunk on NyQuil by then. Before I knew it I was sitting at my desk watching Youtube videos about soldier’s dogs welcoming them home and as soon as one would finish Youtube would recommend another. I was sitting there clicking them all, crying because these people’s dogs were so happy to see them until finally I clicked a video about bots being lanced out of people’s bodies. It’s a well-known fact that if you watch Youtube long enough, you will always end up watching bots or boils being lanced and extracted. The good news is I stopped crying. The bad news is, I am now convinced I have a bot in my ear AND leg. Fuck.


Now here’s a picture I took of a baby goat:


  

Baby Goat

39 Comments
 

39 Responses to I hereby proclaim the second week of May International Goat Week, mainly because I have lots of goat pictures y’all need to see.

  1. Jennifer says:

    OH NO NOT BOTS! I have to admit, I like wayching those nasty bot/boil videos on Youtube. lol
    *** I know, you’re like “Oh shit that’s nasty!” Then you click for more. ~Laura

  2. garnet says:

    I hope it’s not a bug or bot or leprosy. The Jesus Band Aid should protect you.
    *** That’s what I figure too. ~Laura

  3. Bot flies and goats, happy dogs and Nyquil on a Tuesday morning. NOW I can face the day!
    *** I can too wearing my Jesus Band Aids. ~Laura

  4. One Crazed Chick says:

    Only you could get drunk on NyQuil and end up watching bot/boil videos.
    I do agree that this should be International Goat Week!!
    *** Let’s make it International Goat Month and go back to the farm! ~Laura

  5. Hyzymom says:

    I lOVE goats and want one or two when I move out to my retirement farm!
    *** Me too! They were all so sweet and gentle too. It was amazing. ~Laura

  6. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    The Jesus Band Aids will protect you against bot flies too.
    *** I hope so! ~Laura

  7. you are one brave chick. Thank goodness Jesus has your back, or in the very least your leg cuz expired medication scares the hell out of me. Once, I accidentally took 2 year old Tylenol, and now I still to this day have a floater in my right eye. Coincidence? I think not.
    *** I enjoy the floaters in my eyes though. I play Space Invaders in my mind with them. Try it. ~Laura

  8. hoodyhoo says:

    I notice that the Jesus Bandaids come with a free toy inside. What is this toy and can I have yours if you die of leprosy?
    *** It was a waterproof John the Baptist temporary tattoo. (Not really- it was a Jesus sticker! Ha!) ~Laura

  9. Princess says:

    Those Bots are disgusting.. like tsetses.. BLACCHHHHH!
    *** That’s why I’m sleepy all the time. ~ Laura

  10. excellent advice on the floaters. I’m gonna go ahead and graduate early from therapy and just post here. You’re like my Dr. Phil. But pretty and with hair.
    *** HA! I like giving advice. ~Laura

  11. Yabu says:

    “waterproof John the Baptist”…that’s pretty damn clever. Maybe you should wear a clove of garlic around your neck, I understand it will ward off more than vampires.
    *** I thought about it, may keep a Bunch O’Bitches away too. I can dream. ~Laura

  12. We don’t have any Jesus band-aids in my house. We only have Hello Kitty band-aids. So instead of entrusting our small wounds to Jesus, we’re entrusting them to Japanese pop-culture icons. Your way is probably better.
    *** Ha! I don’t know, I’m thinking Hello Kitty may have some super powers. ~Laura

  13. lifeshighway says:

    I will NOT try to find a bot lancing video.
    I WILL NOT try to find a bot lancing video.
    I WILL NOT go to You Tube today to try to find a bot lancing video.
    *** Oh you’ll go there. And you’ll be clicking like a mofo until you can click no longer. ~Laura

  14. A bot?? Hardly.
    A nanobot? Oh yeah…I would get an MRI.
    *** And a PET scan I figure. ~Laura

  15. zonker says:

    Wait, is it an Autobot or a Decepticon?
    *** HAHA! Uh oh, now I’m really worried. ~ Laura

  16. laughingmom says:

    Before getting in bed last night I found a tick crawling on the pillows. All night I knew that there was a tick in my right ear. I hear that baby goat saliva heals Bot infections and bug infestations. Can you send me some? After you use some too, of course.
    *** EEEK! We better get some baby goats and have our own supply. ~ Laura

  17. LeeAnn says:

    You shouldn’t “kid” around about those scary things.
    HA! See what I did? I amaze myself anew every day.
    Thank you, senility gods.
    *** I did see that! The senility gods are ..wait..what was I saying? ~ Laura

  18. All that time you spent with the goats this weekend…you don’t think you are allergic to THEM do you? I’m no doctor, but ear infection from an allergy…..
    *** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ha! ~Laura

  19. Harris says:

    I sure am glad I didn’t miss Goat Week.
    *** Every week is Goat Week actually. ~Laura

  20. Jena says:

    Are those ears as soft as they look?
    *** Like velvet. ~ Laura

  21. Jena says:

    The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World
    Read more: The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_the-5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html#ixzz1LxbW6q3V
    http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_the-5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html
    *** Fucking bugs. ~Laura

  22. Barry says:

    Well I can honestly say, you won’t find me surfing for bots or boils on the interweb. Just not something I want to watch. If it’s live and someone’s life is at stake I have the stomach for it, no problem. But to surf for fun and pleasure, not me. I did surf once for skin conditions though because I had a rash on my leg. Damn Hookers!!
    Is it goat week because that useless piece-O-shit Osama is dead or just because? Just “kidding”…..
    *** YES! All the goats are celebrating! And you better be careful of dead hooker rash, my papaw lost a leg to it during the war. I don’t know which war, my crazy-ass papaw was a liar, he also was nit missing a leg. Told you he was a liar. ~Laura

  23. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmm…never heard of a bot before. Not sure if I wanna know, they sound nasty. And probably painful.
    *** They be like maggots. No, you don’t wanna know. ~Laura

  24. Dannie says:

    You know, I’m one of those people that loves me some Jesus but I was rolling on the floor LMAO at those band aids….wth?
    Do you live near goats? I’m a wee bit jealous…they are so cute. I unabashedly use my daughter as an excuse to do all the ‘petting zoo’ farm thingy things just to feed the goats. I hug them too.
    *** No, I actually live in the city and that goat farm is about an hour away. I don’t have a child to use as a guise to do some of the kiddish things I do, but I’m fine with just doing ‘em anyway. I was all “OH MY GOD! GOATS! Can I go in and play with them?” and she was proud as hell to show them off. ~Laura

  25. Dannie says:

    oh sorry and to continue…because I must know…what was the toy inside the Jesus Band Aid box????? :D
    *** Ha! I told someone earlier that it was a waterproof John the Baptist temporary tattoo, but it was actually a Jesus sticker, which I think I put on my taser for a little while. ~Laura

  26. Tara says:

    What a cute goat baby! I just love them. I hope your ear feels better soon.
    *** Thanks, it should, I went and picked up some Benedryl that hasn’t expired over ten years ago. ~Laura

  27. Jan says:

    It should be International Goat Month every month! I hear that baby goats cure lots of problems. Maybe the World Health Organization would give you an enormous grant to study the effects of baby goats on a wide range of disorders. Everything from leprosy and rabies to AIDS and hiccups.
    Or maybe they just repel bitches. Because Teh Qte, it buuuuurrrrrnnnnnnsssss!
    *** HA! You are right! On all counts! Seriously these goats were AWESOME. ~Laura

  28. Liz says:

    Baby goats rule. However, once they grow up and grow horns, watch out. They will attack you and knock you on your ass. I am speaking from experience here!! Hope your ear bug crawls out quickly! I don’t think they can live on wax.
    *** They probably make those wax lips out of it and pretend they’re sexy movie stars and shit. That’s what I would do anyway if I was bug in someone’s ear. ~Laura

  29. Sugar Free says:

    I’m thinking about hiring a guy to bring his goats to my house for a week to take care of the overgrowth in my backyard. If I do, I’ll take pictures of me all drunk with the goats for ya. This comment had nothing to do with bots or boils. How did I manage to make it all about me and goats? That sounded pervy and weird.
    *** Girl, it’s ALL about making it about yourself when you comment! And yes, there MUST be pics! ~Laura

  30. Lost Wages, NV says:

    My personal connection: I’m a capricorn and have always loved goats (in a non-sexual way), and once had a black beetle in my ear for 9 hours. Thought it was water in my ear. Felt massive pressure, and finally whacked at my noggin so hard the bug plopped out onto my workbench, where it attempted an escape. It didn’t survive. No one defiles my ears like that!
    *** OH MY GOD! 9 Hours! A bug. In your ear! I think I fainted. ~Laura

  31. Jena says:

    9 hrs-bug
    Oh gawd…*shudders* I would NEVER EVAH be with out earplugs if that ever happened to me.
    *** I know, right? I’d wear ear muffs year round. ~Laura

  32. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    You are aware that “Goat” is an Affectionate Nickname for some of the most beloved Members of our Navy… This will go to their heads.
    *** Ha! Then Goat MONTH it is! ~Laura

  33. Nicole says:

    That’s a downright purty goat.
    And girl… how did you get the video of me exiting the ocean? Except for the fact that I wasn’t drunk until after I escaped the evil ocean and that I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini, that was pretty much what my encounter looked like. :)
    *** HA! I forgot about your wave post! That vid had me laughing so damn hard. She just could NOT escape the waves no matter how small they were and her boobs hanging out above and below thattop cracked me up. ~Laura

  34. PermaTourist says:

    I’ll bet you didn’t know that bots are notorious carriers of rabies, leprosy, AND beri-beri. Fact.
    *** Shit. ~Laura

  35. CGHill says:

    Ticks also carry nasties, but no one spends time on YouTube looking for tick videos. At least, I hope not.
    *** I hope not either. ~Laura

  36. Teresa says:

    You seriously need to watch Monster Bug Wars on the Science Channel. You’d love it. BTW that goat looks either depressed or pissed I can’t tell which. Heh
    *** Oh, he was a happy goat! I don’t know if I want to watch monster bugs or not . ~Laura

  37. Suzanne says:

    Listen, I am a firm believer in holy water and I have about a gallon on-hand at all times for leprosy and anthrax outbreaks. I could send some of the good stuff that I scored at the Polish Festival at the National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa during the Polish Festival last year. Let me know.
    *** So you’ll hook me up, girl? Let me go get a power sprayer first. ~Laura

  38. Suzanne says:

    I FORGOT! You should come to the Polish Festival in Doylestown PA with me.
    The first year I went I noticed that there were a lot of Haitians in the shrine but not at the outdoor festival.
    I had to know more, and here is the back story – Voodoo has Erzulie, who is frequently represented by the image of the Black Madonna, which was brought to Haiti by Polish solders in the 1800′s (see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Madonna_of_Cz%C4%99stochowa and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erzulie). They were visiting with the voodoo spirit at the Catholic Shrine.
    So, you can score all-you-can-carry of the free Holy Water blessed by a real Polish Priest, eat TONS of wonderful food, take in dancing, singing, and other arts, go on rides, drink Polish piwo (beer) and MEET/GET TIPS FROM REAL VOODOO do-ers all in the same day.
    *** Oooo that sounds like fun! Voodoo and beer really go together too! I went to Haiti once and I think one of them put a curse on me. A Curse of Awesomeness that is! Ha! Seriously, they got real pushy there and I had to yell at them. But I brought them some burgers from the cookout so hopefully they reversed the curse. ~Laura

  39. Teresa says:

    Monster Bug Wars is hilarious. Really. They have sound effects and everything. It’s generally 2 different bugs battling each other… which will win and which will die? Then they have scientists telling you about them (they crack me up too) But I swear it’s the sound effects that make me laugh the hardest. Epic stuff.
    *** So it’s like they use karate on each other? I’ll have to check it out. ~Laura

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