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Rage Rabies Remission. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I’ve been in a pissy mood lately so I stayed away from the blog for a few days because I hate to rant and spew my rage rabies because when you’re over it you look back and think “Goddamn, that’s psychotic, I really need anger management.” Oh, and ever notice when you get all mad and fed up you start internalizing it and then you start getting depressed thinking “Poor me! My life sucks! Boohoo!” but really it’s just the rest of the world that FUCKING SUCKS. Even I sometimes have to remind myself how awesome I am. Yes, I know you don’t believe that, but it’s true. This time to start snapping out of it all I had to do was look down at my hand yesterday morning while in Starbucks and realize I’m a fucking hero.



Starbucks Card


That’s right. I’m pretty certain I cured AIDS in a small African nation with my new addiction to Iced Lattes. You’re welcome Kunta Kinte.


So I was feeling a little better and then I started to get comments from y’all here and on Facebook encouraging me to drink or kill whoever pissed me off. There’s only one thing that cheers me up more than getting a green light for drunken murder and that’s my dinosaurs, so I took a pic of them like Elphaba from Red State Witch suggested and now I’m all better.



Dinosaurs


Yes, it’s like I’m twelve, but an awesome twelve.

49 Comments
 

49 Responses to Rage Rabies Remission.

  1. Jeffro says:

    Clearly, The Force is with you.
    *** Clearly. ~Laura

  2. Richelle says:

    “You’re welcome Kunta Kinte.” Cracks my ass up.
    *** I knew you’d like that. ~Laura

  3. Michelle says:

    I am glad your rage rabies is in remission. Dinosaur therapy was a wonderful idea. You should start a treatment center and help others. That would make you even more awesome (if that is even possible).
    Also way to go with curing the aids thing. That needed doing. Thanks!
    *** You’re welcome. I really should start a rabies treatment center and become a pioneer in “Dinosaur Therapy” and maybe one day get my own show like Dr. Drew. Thank you for the idea. You are awesome. ~Laura

  4. Steve says:

    I knew you’d take advice from a witch.
    *** Dude, witches are awesome. Fact. ~Laura

  5. Jennifer says:

    WELCOME BACK!! Two days without Monkeys was about to give me rage rabies!!
    *** Ha! Simmah down nah. ~Laura

  6. You’re welcome Kunta Kinte
    Oh sweet mercy, but that is too funny and I feel sorry for the chirrens that don’t understand it!
    *** And thus offended by it. ~Laura

  7. Bob M says:

    I missed you terribly. I told my wife, I dont even miss her like that when she goes on business trips. It was just awful. I am glad your feeling better and I am also glad you dont “RANT”. Your Dino’s are awesome and so are you! Glad your back.
    *** Thanks Bob, I’m sure your wife was happy. Ha! ~Laura

  8. One Crazed Chick says:

    So very glad that rage rabies is in remission! Maybe it’s been all those midday Aids cure run that has helped!! Love the dinosaur therapy too. I notice they all have their body parts so you must not have let Jack play as well.
    Oh, and welcome back…you were missed!!
    *** Jack doesn’t play well with others. And thanks! ~Laura

  9. Steph says:

    I read a bunch of your old stuff to soothe my soul whilst you were away. The “swan attack” at the zoo cracked me up. Glad your dino therapy brought you back from rabies rage!
    *** Thank you, Steph. I’m also glad to hear someone enjoys my archived stuff. ~Laura

  10. hoodyhoo says:

    Glad you’re rabies-free at the moment — and major kudos to you for single handedly curing Levar Burton of AIDS. Now if you could just fix his eyesight so he wouldn’t have to wear a banana clip anymore…
    *** I’m not a miracle worker. That was Anne Bancroft. ~Laura

  11. Yabu says:

    A red headed witch who needs a thank you from Toby and anger management. Just Damn!
    *** I really do need anger management, but not really because I haven’t actually stabbed someone. Yet. ~Laura

  12. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Your comedic genius was sorely missed on the web.
    *** Awww, well thanks, Joe. ~Laura

  13. laughingmom says:

    You are awesome enough to design your own cup/card so that Starmoolah will donate to cure rage rabies! Get right on that will ya! The rest of the f-ing world needs a cure!
    *** You are right, I really should. Rage rabies is an epidemic. ~Laura

  14. rdennis says:

    I hesitated from commenting as I didn’t want you to go all psychotic on me, like some of the posters on the Facebook did. Gee, a guy makes one little comment about wanting a picture and people think your weird! Sheesh.
    Best Dino Picture Ever!
    *** I just can’t imagine people on the Internet getting all sensitive and taking things wrong. I love my dinos. ~Laura

  15. The Nickster says:

    wow…didn’t even realize you hadn’t posted. I guess it was because I was in Africa doing charity work and lacked internet access.
    *** HAHA! And since I cured the AIDS crisis there you decided to return? ~Laura

  16. Don’t worry about offending the chirrens, Laura. They can’t read. And even if they can, I’ve got a post title so offensive, I inserted the !!!Racist!!! gif just to save time.
    So, you’re covered.
    But that’s not why I’m here.
    You have T-Rex, Flying Monkeys and a goat–as such, you are the Mistress of Mascot Madness. Please stop by when you have a chance and give me your thoughts on my potential mascot. He’s got game.
    *** Ha! Okay, I shall. ~Laura

  17. You hear that?? Y’all FEEL that???
    THAT is the Universe righting itself, and all because Laura came back to her blog.
    Glad you’re feeling less rage. Notice I didn’t say “no rage” ;)
    *** HA! You’re my new PR person. ~Laura

  18. MorningGlory says:

    We’re all so glad to see you back, and rabies-free. You know you missed us almost as much as we missed you. Almost.
    Love the Dino-therapy. You just might be onto something there!
    *** Yes, I did miss y’all, because you’re all awesome and fill my attention whore soul. ~Laura

  19. Erik says:

    Glad to have you back from the brink of Rage Rabies. I was hoping that it wasn’t spreading – like 28 Days later-ish.
    And yes, sometimes I feel like the rest of the world sucks and NO ONE CARES. Sometimes I would like to post this on FB, but then I would lose all kinds of “friends” and then I’d be talking to myself, which, come to think of it, isn’t so bad. I have very animated internal conversations.
    There, I feel better now too.
    *** HA! You can post it in a private message to be anytime you are wallowing in self pity and/ or rage. I won’t unfriend you, but I may suggest you get dinosaurs and have battles with them. ~Laura

  20. Jena says:

    You ARE awesome.
    *** You’re not only my BFF but you can also work in my PR department. ~Laura

  21. lifeshighway says:

    Welcome back, although you did give me a break from having be be clever, so it was a nice mental vacation for me. I’m sure Kunta Kinti thanks you. When we were kids our family pet was a black lab named Sambo (used to crack my Dad up when we would call him home)
    *** That’s just crazy. It’s all part of history/ literature/whatever and no harm was meant. I think some people just look for things to get all pissed off about. I wish my life was so nice and simple that things like that were the only things to get riled about. ~Laura

  22. Elphaba says:

    Yay for dinosaur therapy! Only…why is that k-nigget (Monty Python reference) holding his sword by the blade? We may have found something even less intelligent than a storm trooper, but at least it gives the dinosaurs a fighting change. Thanks for the entertainment, Laura! So happy to have you back!
    *** It’s probably a tactic like the settlers did when surrounded by Indians. Indians were afraid of crazy people, so the settlers used to act all loco and shit to scare ‘em off. Or he’s just stupid. And thank you. ~Laura

  23. Glad you are back! And glad you are feeling better. Now that your feeling better from the ear infection watch out for the stomach virus that is hitting everyone! It’s horrible! Love the dino’s.
    *** NOOOOO! Don’t tell me about any diseases going around. I’ll be sure to get it then, or at least think I have it. ~Laura

  24. Curtal Friar says:

    I don’t know. I bet that knight takes out at least one dino before they chow down on him. Maybe even two of them, cause if the first one to chomp him (depending on the size of the dino) is liable to break a tooth on his armor. Then while the dino is roaring in pain (nothing worse than a jumping fucking toothache), the knight will bash him in the head, and it’s lights out for dino. Unless, of course, the dino in question is a t-rex, in which case bashing him in the head will only make him forget his tooth pain, and then the knight will be on his way down the t-rex’s throat.
    *** BLASPHEMY! Only meteors can take out a dino. Ha! ~Laura

  25. LeeAnn says:

    I reference Kunta Kinte the other day at work and got blank stares. Is no one culturally literate any more? Actually, I never watched the miniseries. But I know who he is. My main source of info came from a Bloodhound Gang lyric: “I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert…” Almost as good as Wiki.
    *** THAT is a fantastic lyric. And I have found that almost anything you need to know are in songs. That’s why I never took my love to town. ~Laura

  26. AmyLynn says:

    The dinosaurs look like they are laughing at the knight…like
    “Ha ha you idiot holding your sword the wrong way, we will stomp on you when we get done laughing!”
    Dinosaur pictures really ARE the cure for rabies and YOU are a genius!!
    There should be an award for such brilliance!
    I demand an AWARD
    ok that is all
    *** YES! A cash award!! ~Laura

  27. Kim says:

    Whew! Welcome back. I’m glad your rage rabies is in remission/morphing/stasis. That sounded official.
    People ARE stupid, you know.
    I am concerned about your middle dino, though. He appears to have a bad case of dark circles over and under the eyes. Does he get enough Oil of Olay or omega whatever they ares?
    *** He indeed does NOT follow any type of skin care regimen. T-Rexes won’t even use sunscreen but then pay for it as they age. ~Laura

  28. Yabu says:

    I’ve got a sweet Monkey Tanto with your name on it. I do sho nuff loves me some nice sharp blades.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Tanto_Kunimitsu.jpg
    *** With my name on it. I hope that means you’ll give me one and not STAB me with one. Ha! ~Laura

  29. Liz says:

    Rage Rabies? I HAVE that! What I don’t have dinos to use for therapy. Now I’m also suffering from Sadness Rabies. I wish I hadn’t come to check up on you! Regret Rabies! Nevermind, I actually missed you terribly and am glad you are back (Happiness Rabies?). :-)
    *** Awww, that’s very sweet- not your mad and sad rabies though. You really need to get some dinosaurs. ~Laura

  30. garnet says:

    I knew nothing could keep you down because NOTHING stops awesome!
    *** You’ll work in my PR Department too. ~Laura

  31. Jan says:

    I need some dinosaur therapy STAT cuz I sure am ready to drink and kill this week. I was so mad yesterday that my blood pressure went high enough to put those nasty migraine-like sparkles across my vision.
    *** DAMN. You better go get some dinosaurs and simmah down nah. Nothing will calm you down faster than staging a war with your dinos. They put everything into perspective just by their awesomeness. ~Laura

  32. Sugar Free says:

    Dinosaurs make me happy face. But then again so do cocktails.
    *** Sometimes I drink whilst playing with my dinosaurs and my head nearly explodes from the joy. ~Laura

  33. patti says:

    Soon as the sun came up this morning I knew you were back and the world could continue on its journey through the universe.
    Saw some baby goats this morning.
    *** Goats were your second sign. ~Laura

  34. Jenny says:

    You ARE awesome…and you crack me up on a daily basis! Love the dinasaur stories, by the way! :) :)
    *** I am pretty certain there’s one more spot in my PR Department and you just filled it. Thank you. ~Laura

  35. nightfly says:

    I’m pretty sure that’s not a sword, and is held correctly. The shield, however, is NOT a shield. It’s a mirror. Knights are chivalrous, and our brave (not stupid) chivalrous knight is helping the dinos make sure that they have no Stormtrooper bits stuck in their teeth before they go clubbing tonight.
    *** HAHAHA! YOU can be a dino therapy therapist. ~Laura

  36. Rob says:

    Cool dragon slayer. Might have a chance against a dragon. Not so much with the dinos, though. Watch your coffee. Knights and dragon slayers are like biscotti to dinosaurs.
    *** HA! I just pictured them dunking them before biting. Oh and.. mmmm biscotti. ~Laura

  37. Barry says:

    “You’re welcome Kunta Kinte.” You come up with the wildest shit.
    Glad you decided to suck it up and feel better. (tears ruin the taste of a good beer) Anger Management, been down that road. I think the motto was “No matter who pushes your buttons, you are still responsible for your own actions.” Long story. But when I learned I WASN’T RESPONSIBLE for someone else’s action, it was worth the trip. :-) Funny how things in life work if you let them.
    And I hope this isn’t one of your treasured knights cause I think he’s about to get a good old fashion ass whoopin!
    *** Thanks, Barry. And anything that goes up against the dinos is definitely expendable. I hope Jack reads that. ~Laura

  38. Jena says:

    How many times does it take you to get the right shot? or do you know exactly what you want and the players?
    *** I set ‘em up and snap a few. Sometimes quite a few. My fave was that one where I had a stormtrooper running away. But Jack is the hardest thing to photograph. He doesn’t know “sit” let alone “stay” very well. ~Laura

  39. Nicole says:

    Hah! Dino therapy. I think it sounds just as valid as lots of other therapies out there. You could maybe make big bucks.
    *** I bet I really could. ~Laura

  40. DogsDontPurr says:

    Oh noes! Not Rage Rabies!?!
    Dr. Marcie(that’s me)says:
    Giving up carbs + taking up caffeine = Full Blown Rage Rabies!!!
    Lucky for you, I know the cure: take 2 Circus Peanuts and call me in the morning.
    (That’s 2 individual Circus Peanuts….NOT 2 bags of Circus Peanuts.)
    Good luck!
    *** Two, not TWO bags? That sucks. And like the rest of the bag would be safe in my house. HA! ~Laura

  41. mel says:

    I’m sure glad you’re feeling better.
    *** Thanks. Me too. ~ Laura

  42. SB Smith says:

    Sorry…been away for awhile…
    I need to thank you for introducing me/us to the rabies/ebola/plague toys back whenever that was !
    I’ve sent soo many people the link to that site that bought plagues/bacterias/viruses and pests to give their “loved” ones.
    They’re Soo appropriate ! :-D
    *** One day I will collect them all. Hopefully just the toys too. ~Laura

  43. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    Has Any one Noticed that the night is still fully clothed… Hmmm, is this Our Laura or a skilled substitute?
    *** HA! Dude, I tried to undress it, put it’s a plastic mold. ~Laura

  44. Kim says:

    I just reread your post and all of your comments and you just make my day happy. Thank you. It erases all of our rage rabieses.
    *** Aww. Thank you. ~Laura

  45. Glen says:

    Here I sit brokenhearted. Tried to rage but only farted! (apologies to Kunta Kinte, or whoever wrote the original).
    *** HA! Great poetry! ~Laura

  46. You said Kunta Kinte. Hahahaha!
    *** I did indeed. ~Laura

  47. Brea says:

    On a scale of 1-10, YOU ARE AN AWESOME 12!
    *** HA! YEAH! ~Laura

  48. Larry says:

    You should really market dino therapy, it seems to work very well.
    *** I just might. ~Laura

  49. Jennifer says:

    I love your dinosaur pics. And I’m really sorry you had rage rabies. I generally kick something when that happens to me, but then I get a hurt toe, and things just spiral downward from there. I’ll have to find something to photograph. Like all those goddamned ants eating my cats’ food. Little sonsabitches.
    *** Ants ARE little sonsabitches. And thank you, but I feel a little better now. ~Laura

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