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I was actually worried they wouldn’t have a helmet large enough to fit my bulbous head. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I spent the weekend cleaning out my spare room because every time I walked in there I felt like I was part of an episode of Hoarders. Of course this started a chain reaction of spring cleaning other areas so now I’m in a full blown cleaning mode. That happens less frequently than a lunar eclipse so I’m trying to stay motivated at least until I can open my linen closet and not have a mountain of towels and rolls of toilet paper hit me on the head.


Last week Curtal Friar at Fountain Abbey requested that I post a teenage pic of myself. I told him I’d look for one. I’m not very good at memes and challenges (unless they involve drinking and/or eating) but since I was cleaning anyway, I looked for one. I couldn’t find one. I’ve never been one to take or keep photos, but I did find a newspaper clipping from when I enlisted in the Army. I come from an extremely small, rural area of Kentucky and a female joining the military was very newsworthy. People were very surprised that I enlisted, but I think they were mostly surprised it wasn’t court mandated.



Army Enlistment Day


That’s the day I was sworn in for the second time and left for basic training. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was scared but looking forward to starting a new adventure that could take me anywhere in the world. But mostly I was anxious to learn how to kill people.

48 Comments
 

48 Responses to I was actually worried they wouldn’t have a helmet large enough to fit my bulbous head.

  1. Larry says:

    court mandated…learn how to kill people…somehow methinks there is more to the story than you are letting on. Only your juvie officer knows for sure.
    I was sworn in at the MEPS and shipped out the same day Ronald Reagan was sworn in for his second term. Good times, good times…
    *** Ha! Surprisingly I never had a run in with the law, at least all my friends are surprised. I took a physical, picked my MOS, enlisted, went home for two days, then went back and swore in again and left for Ft. Leonard Wood. Hurrah! ~Laura

  2. Jennifer says:

    I love that pic!
    Oh, I need to clean out my house too..thanks for rminding me NOT! lol
    *** I hate “spring cleaning”, which is evident by my house. ~Laura

  3. Tad says:

    You sure dont look like a small town Juvie, scared, excited, hoarder, killer. Wow you were a beautiful young lady…. Not that, that surprises me. But WOW!
    *** HA! I was a fucking gorgeous killing machine in the military. HA! ~Laura

  4. One Crazed Chick says:

    Strangely, you look sooooo sweet and innocent and not at all like a killer. Just shows how looks can be very deceiving! LOL
    *** Exactly. Catches people by surprise, which works out well. ~Laura

  5. A Litte bit aaa Jessica says:

    When my kids were younger, and I’d start “Spring Cleaning” they would lock their bedroom doors so I couldn’t clean their rooms unless they were there. I told them they’d better shape up or I’d throw them out as well. I did throw my husband out! HA! That was a good year!
    *** HA! Yeah, my animals hide. ~Laura

  6. garnet says:

    Oh, and all those men in uniforms you were around!
    *** There were a lot of those indeed. ~Laura

  7. Heather says:

    Wow going from a small town to the Army where there’s tons of men! I bet you had fun!
    *** I saw my share of action. ~Laura

  8. hoodyhoo says:

    that is, without a doubt, some of the BEST. HAIR. EVER. And I also come from a family of big-headed freaks… when my uncle was a State Trooper, they had to special order his hat and they told him if something happened to it he’d have to buy the next one. Apparently Smokey Bear hats get quite pricey in the larger sizes…
    *** I always had great hair- once I stopped cutting it myself. My fatigue and BDU (battle dress uniform) hats were stretched to the max especially once my hair grew and I had to put it up- this made my head just gigantic- like Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade balloon huge. ~Laura

  9. lifeshighwy says:

    Wow, I don’t think you have a bulbous head, I think you are beautiful. I see you are one of those people who do not take awkward pictures thus making you an alien, an immortal or a prom queen.
    *** HAHA! Well, thank you. I take almost nothing but awkward pictures really- I just destroyed them all through the years. And I have a pretty big head. Most hats won’t fit and having really thick hair doesn’t help either. It’s a burden I bear. ~Laura

  10. Jade says:

    You look like a movie star!
    *** Ha! I’m afraid to ask which one. ~Laura

  11. Princess says:

    HA! Spring Cleaning! YEAH!!!! can I throw out my fat? or my ugly? or possible my childhood? ….. or my issues? HA
    *** Damn. Never, ever be that harsh on yourself. Besides, there’s probably too many wanting to take that job- people like the Bunch O’Bitches come to mind. ~Laura

  12. Yabu says:

    Damn, you’re a real cutie pie that can manage a LAW rocket, and a doxie, founded Stick Science…the Nazi is a lucky man.
    *** I remind him of that every day. I don’t think he’s buying it. He just rolls his eyes. Ha! ~Laura

  13. LeeAnn says:

    “…mostly I was anxious to learn how to kill people.”
    And so say all of us. Because we might have to go into retail someday, right? Right.
    *** HA! Right. ~Laura

  14. laughingmom says:

    Did they lure you in with the idea that you got to swear?
    *** Honey, they TAUGHT me not only how to kill, but to swear while doing it. You got promotion points for swearing creatively. ~Laura

  15. Jena says:

    Very Pretty. You reaaaly should have gone to assassin finishing school. Perfect cover.
    *** What makes you think I didn’t? ~Laura

  16. Nicole says:

    Great picture! I love the hair. You look like all the girls I was jealous of in high school. :)
    *** Girl, puleeze, the only thing people were jealous of was my awesomeness, not my looks, except my hair. I have great hair. Oh and I saw your pic, you’re gorgeous. ~Laura

  17. PermaTourist says:

    Kewt!
    *** HA! Well thanks. ~Laura

  18. Steph says:

    well hello there feathered hair. And I disagree with the poster that said you look all sweet and innocent in the pic. I think you look anxious and excited to hold a gun.
    *** Oh I grew up with guns… I was looking forward to grenades and claymore mines and shit. Ha! ~Laura

  19. Erik says:

    How long until you told the DI that you were afraid of dinosaurs? Love that story.
    Spring cleaning for me means being out in the yard, getting ready for summer, which should feel like sometime next week….
    *** That was a few weeks later in basic training when we were issued our weapon (M16). ~Laura

  20. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    This explains a lot. Army food will do things to you. We only got the best in the Submarine Navy…. Thanks for your service to all of us.
    *** Yeah, I heard you Navy guys got the good food. And thanks to you as well. ~Laura

  21. Girl, you still are a fucking gorgeous killing machine ;)
    I’m still debating whether I should do this. It might break the internet…
    *** Awww, you’re my new best friend too. Do it! I found some more kid pics where apparently my favorite thing was to cut my \opwn hair! And I’m gonna post them later. ~Laura

  22. rdennis says:

    Yep, I can detect that inscrutable steely eyed look of a Ninja, even in that old picture. I am sure your beauty works well to make your targets think you are just a sweet little ol’ southern gal, just before they die. Kentucky, huh? Always wanted to see that state.
    *** Kentucky is beautiful. I miss it a lot. ~Laura

  23. Curtal Friar says:

    So, you went to Basic at Fort Lostinthewoods too, huh? I was there in the summer of ’86, and that was a miserably hot summer. Leonard Wood was no man’s land as far as I was concerned.
    Nice pic by the way. Thanks for doing the challenge. :D
    *** I went in the winter. We did bivouac with wind chill factors at 30 plus below. It was insane. ~Laura

  24. (my actual out-loud reaction to this post)
    HAHAHA! I love you!
    *** It’s my bulbous head isn’t it? ~Laura

  25. Larry says:

    I’m doing some spring cleaning, too, I’m cleaning out my train room (which will hopefully actually have trains in it as a result of the cleaning).
    I don’t know if Misery in the winter is worse than Great Mistakes, but I’m sure they were both cold.
    *** Bone-chillin cold. ~Laura

  26. Jena says:

    Now that I look again, I don’t know how I missed that twinkle of crazy in your eyes. Sean has it too and people tell him .
    *** Hehe. And do you ever see these people again? ~Laura

  27. Pug Mahon says:

    Hooah! Get some!
    I entered the Army with a full head of shoulder length hair like Dave Mustaine. ETS’ed as bald as Bruce Willis. I blame Dick Cheney, the Sec Def back then.
    *** That sonsabitch. Ha! ~Laura

  28. Jena says:

    No! You are sooo right!
    *** Uh huh, that’s what I thought. ~Laura

  29. CGHill says:

    Fort Lost-in-the-Woods, of course, is where I learned to identify the Missouri state flower (the rock) and bird (the tick).
    (Spring of ’72. Toward the end, it was hotter than a two-dollar hair dryer.)
    *** ” hotter than a two-dollar hair dryer” Ha! I’m gonna use that sometime. ~Laura

  30. Jeffro says:

    Kill Bill Volumes One and Two are really all about you, aren’t they….
    Uma Thurman really didn’t do you justice.
    *** No she didn’t. She needed to be more violent. Ha! ~laura

  31. Bob M says:

    Woowza! words can not express… “J” is a very lucky man.
    *** HAHA! I tell him that every day. ~Laura

  32. diane says:

    did you see the hoarders where they found a dead cat under the couch? it was flat. my favorite episode.
    nice pic- i thought it was from your charlie’s angels audition!
    *** Halt! Or I’ll shoot! *licks lips and swings back hair*
    YES! I saw that episode! Luckily there were no dead animals in there. Also, I once thought I’d fall in there and I remember that episode where a lady fell and wasn’t found for days! That could have been me. ~Laura

  33. The Nickster says:

    I’d do ya. No offense J.
    *** Sweet talker. ~Laura

  34. Sandra says:

    With that soft and bouncy hair of yours, I would have been more worried about what the helmet would have done to my “do!”
    *** Oh girl, it was a mess! I truely had “helmet hair” for the duration of basic training. ~Laura

  35. AmyLynn says:

    oh my, pretty girl
    that is a KILLING MACHINE
    watch out for the van that
    says Pussy Wagon…
    that is all
    *** Ha! That was a sick part of that movie. ~Laura

  36. Jeffro says:

    OK, now you’ve got me worried – it’s been over a day since your last post. I see you’re still moderating some comments, but this may be your last gasp with you being stoic and all. I truly hope the thumb rabies has not overcome you. I’d hate to not be readin’ ya no mo.
    *** Just taking some time off, in a pretty rotten mood and I don’t want that on my blog. Rage rabies. But thank you for your concern! You have learned well. Ha! ~Laura

  37. Rick Martin says:

    FARAH!
    I had that exact poster on my wall when I was a kid and still straight.
    *** Ha! I was a far cry from Farah. ~Laura

  38. Meredith says:

    OMG…I told my secretary just this morning that I needed to Spring clean so badly based solely on my fear that the camera crew from “Hoarders” was going to pop up at my house due to the status of my guest room!! Guess what I’ll be doing this week-end?!? Love the pic, btw, and am working on your Louisiana care package. ;)
    *** I still have a lot more to do in my house before that fear of the camera crew diminishes. And Oooo I can’t wait! ~Laura

  39. Jennifer says:

    I hope you’re not dying from your rabies!!
    *** Ha! No, my rabies is geting better. ~Laura

  40. Anji M says:

    WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? ARE YOU ALIVE OR BURIED UNDERNEATH THE MOUNTAIN OF TOLIET PAPER. just didn’t want you to think i hadn’t noticed that you hadn’t posted anything since MONDAY. attention whore :)
    *** If you had FRIENDED me on Facebook you would see that I have been in a bad mood so I chose to stay away because I don’t like writing rants and then them being archived and then I have to go back and look at them and think “Sheese take some anger management classes will ya?” I will return because I’M WINNING : ) ~Laura

  41. Curtal Friar says:

    Hey, this is the second day in a row that you haven’t posted. You alright?
    Or did the roaches get ya? (God forbid!)
    *** No roaches. Yet. I’ll be back ( read it like Arnold said it.) ~Laura

  42. Elphaba says:

    I saw that you were enraged the other day (I’m one of your loyal Facebook stalkers). It might be time for another dinosaur vs. storm trooper conflict, as a way to channel said rage. Just make sure that Jack is nowhere near them when it happens, because he is why dinosaurs (and wee plushie toys) are endangered.
    I hope your rage rabies dissipates soon, because I’m bored, and you are supposed to entertain me. :)
    *** HA! Girl, I’m simmahin’ down nah but it’s taking time. Hopefully I can blog a lil for tomorrow and can entertain you. But you’re right, maybe the dinosaurs will make me feel better. They always do. ~Laura

  43. Barry says:

    WOW!! All this and a fucking killing machine too. J is a lucky man!
    Thanks for serving your country. All us freedom lovers appreciate it.
    *** You’re welcome. ~Laura

  44. AmyLynn says:

    heeeeee
    pester pester, where are you…blah blah
    ENJOY your break from the QUEEN OF FUNNY–
    you deserve it, now go eat something delicious and ignore all comments
    that is all
    over and out
    *** My rabies did not kill my attention whoreness so I am reading comments. Ha! ~Laura

  45. Kevin says:

    I’ve been out of town for a couple of days without computer access. Is everything OK> I hope the rabies have not come back.
    *** I am fine, thank you for asking. There’ll be a post tomorrow. ~Laura

  46. Glen says:

    Crap, now I gotta clean out the hall closet just so I can keep up with the Flying Monkeys…Sheesh!!
    *** HA! YES! Clean out that closet! ~Laura

  47. Sugar Free says:

    Whenever people are talking about volunteering, I eagerly slip in the fact that I volunteered at an animal shelter once. I leave out the fact that it was court ordered and that actually makes it community service. See? Out of everything in your post all I picked up on was “court mandated.” Sheesh.
    *** HA! That’s because people look for things they can relate to. At least it wasn’t “killing people.” ~Laura

  48. mel says:

    That is an awesome photo. I think you were destined to join the military.
    *** Probably so. ~Laura

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