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Even awesome people get sad over stupid things. The biggest difference though is awesome people make a list and then get the fuck over it. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Stupid Things That Have Made Me Sad This Week That Have Nothing To Do With Japan Or The Middle East Or The Economy Friday Crap List


1. I can’t remember what Circus Peanuts taste like.


2. It’s spring and spring here in the South lasts like one week and soon summer will be here and it will be hotter than the surface of the sun and swampier than a swamp.


3. My Starbucks card ran out of money and I’m too lazy to refill it so I use my debit card like I’m a noob.


4. I can’t remember what potatoes taste like.


5. I ran out of my Philosophy Hope in a Jar Moisturizer last week and because I was too lazy to order more I used olive oil and the olive oil worked better so this means I have probably spent multi-thousands over the years on overpriced shit in a jar.


6. Even though I don’t like Glee anymore I watch it, then end up buying some of the songs on iTunes after and then swear I’ll never watch it again, but I always do. It’s like I have zero Glee self-control.


7. I can’t remember what bread tastes like.


8. My cat Thelma started doing this weird thing where she plays in the water bowl, then uses the litter box and then proceeds to leave little cement paw prints on everything and now I have to wipe off everything every day.


9. My dog Jack gets more invitations to people’s homes than I do.


10. I can’t remember what Cheetos taste like or the feel of orange encrusted fingers caked so thick they have to be licked and scraped off with your teeth before you can continue eating more.


 


Now here’s a video to start your weekend with:





(The first video I had up went private so I posted this one because ALL goat videos are awesome.)

39 Comments
 

39 Responses to Even awesome people get sad over stupid things. The biggest difference though is awesome people make a list and then get the fuck over it.

  1. Michelle says:

    I am glad you got the fuck over your sad shit. Bread, cheetos and potatoes are over-rated. Steak and bacon will always be good. I never liked circus peanuts so I hope you can find a suitable substitute like gin. I hope you have an awesome weekend filling up your starbucks card and cleaning up Thelma’s cement prints. Really she is just trying to collect enough so she can make some cement shoes for her next victim.
    Glad you ear is better and the rabies seem to be taking a break.
    *** Potatoes and stuff are over-rated IF you’re eating them.Ha! You have a great weekend too! ~Laura

  2. Tad says:

    OK, lets get this out of the way right off the bat,,,, What the hell is an “orange encrusted fingers caked so thick they have to be licked and scraped off with your teeth before you can continue eating more”? Who’s fingers do you eat in the South?
    *** Your own. ~Laura

  3. Mabell Baby says:

    Don’t be sad, in a couple days you will have a brand new week and you can start all over again….hmmmmmm!
    *** YAY! ~Laura

  4. Jennifer says:

    Those goats are kinda freaky. lol
    *** Yeah, they are a little. ~Laura

  5. BoneyButt says:

    Ok, I can understand a lot of stuff but letting the Starbucks card run out??? This is a true emergency, call in the troops, it could get really ugly!! Maybe you would qualify for diaster relief aid.
    *** I bet I could! ~Laura

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    Do I have to bake you another Circus Peanut pie?
    *** HAHA! But I couldn’t eat it!! Waaa!!! ~Laura

  7. hoodyhoo says:

    You have GOT to get off this low-carb thing, you’re teaching me all the things that have carbs that I didn’t realize! I thought Circus Peanuts were just made out of smiles and unicorn farts, there’s no carbs in that!
    *** Apparently unicorn farts are not only packed full of carbs, but they have polyunsaturated fat in them. Who knew? Sonsabitchin’ unicorns. ~Laura

  8. Yabu says:

    I don’t know anything about Philosophy Hope in a Jar Moisturizer, but I do know Jack is the man…
    *** He indeed is. ~Laura

  9. laughingmom says:

    I can’t remember the taste of circus peanuts either – but I do remember that my older brother and sister used to give me theirs in exchange for GOOD candy – like chocolate! Who needs bad marshmallow? I’m a Peeps girl anyway. I obviously have a more refined palate than you.
    *** The world has a more refined palate than mine. ~Laura

  10. a little bit aaa Jessica says:

    I love love love your list’s. You make the end of a week even better… You really need some carbs though, we dont want to lose you because you become un-carbonated! aren’t they a necessary evil?
    *** I think they are. ~Laura

  11. The Nickster says:

    after I watched the video, I went out and bought a taser and tased myself to try to forget. Sadly, it did not work, but at least now I have a taser. Next step…buy a baby goat.
    *** And don’t you dare taser the baby goat..you should just use it on yourself. Ha! ~ Laura

  12. Elizabeth says:

    All the things you posted that were low-carb related? Yup, I’m right there with you. But I’m also 10lbs skinnier than I was 2 weeks ago, so I guess I’m okay with it.
    *** Oh, that’s the only thing that keeps me going for sure. Amazing how fast it drops too. ~Laura

  13. Tim says:

    Bacon flavored cheetos. Just thought of that. Yum. And Jack is the man. Have a good weekend.
    *** You have a great weekend yourself! ~laura

  14. rdennis says:

    Ahh, poor baby! The lack of carbs has finally gotten to you. If you were here I would make you a totally carb free food fest, but it would taste like carbs and all your bad feelings would go away.
    Well okay, I would just give you a drug that was hypnotic and then tell you that tofu and junk like that tastes really good and that carbs taste like sea weed and nasty stuff like that.
    All better now? :)
    Glad to do it. We’s buddies. :)
    *** No, not better, I want a baked tater and fries. ~Laura

  15. Kimmmm says:

    I think you need a fainting goat. It would sense J’s anti-goat Nazi ways and faint everytime he was seen. J would have to carry the burden of being so evil that a little baby goat faint anytime he is near. Muhahaha.
    *** I always feel sorry for those fainting goats. I would strap pillows on it’s sides- and it’ll need ‘em if they can sense evil around here.. ~Laura

  16. Jill says:

    A world where you can’t eat cheetos is a world I don’t want to live in.
    *** I KNOW! Now you know my pain. ~Laura

  17. Steph says:

    On the plus side? You don’t have a pissed of absorbed twin or roach in your ear, or leprosy, or 2 abdominal hernias. That last one, me. I’m fairly certain. What else could they be?
    *** Ohh TWO conjoined twins I bet! ~Laura

  18. I can recommend baby oil for your skin. Cheaper than olive oil, and smells nicer too!
    I have some of that overpriced shit in a jar, but made me break out, so I’m giving it to my mom. She loves it when I shop for facial crap.
    *** Baby oil makes me break out! I’m very sensitive and delicate… ~Laura

  19. Liz says:

    Circus Peanuts = highly over rated and YUCKY!
    The cravings for potatoes and cheetos are understandable. However, replace them with your choice of alcohol (I prefer tequila myself) and you are a WINNER!!
    *** CIRCUS PEANUTS ARE DELICIOUS AND DEVINE! I simply will not listen to anything different. lalalalalalalalalalalal. ~Laura

  20. You had me at orange encrusted fingers. I’ve been off gluten for quite a while, so I’ve dearly missed bread, but thank goodness those baked cheetos are made of corn.
    I also gave you an award on my blog today. Sadly, there’s no fab button to accompany it, but it’s an award nonetheless. It’s just me telling you (and my five readers) how much you amuse me on a regular basis. :)
    *** Awww, well thank you! I’ll have to go look when I get home. Mmmm corn….. ~Laura

  21. Dear Sweet Mama says:

    I was thinking I wanted a goat – now, maybe not so much. I guess I just don’t appreciate good music.
    *** Ha! It reminded me of auditions for Idol. ~laura

  22. George says:

    Circus peanuts are great!
    ORIGINAL Campfire Marshmallows! Caramel corn! Cheetos! Chocolate!
    (except white, which is pointless)
    I feel your pain. I swore off refined sugar two days ago.
    *** YAY! Someone else that likes Circus Peanuts! Dude, it’s hard coming off the sugar. ~Laura

  23. AmyLynn says:

    Even if they came out with low carb circus peanuts it would still suck because low carb food is worse than no carbs at all…
    I could not see the video, it says “private” now.
    what?
    Like I can’t be in the club?
    Send Jack over here to cheer me up! (put a little saddle on him to carry circus peanuts in)
    that is all
    *** WHAT? The vid isn’t playing now? That sucks? Why do people freak out when they get a few views? ~Laura

  24. Diana says:

    I would love to invite you to visit, actually, but I don’t think anyone wants to visit me. There are reasons, and I will list them here: 1) I live in Arizona, or as we like to call it, the hottest branch of hell. 2) My house is under construction because, believe it or not, once in a while in winter, Arizona has a cold snap, and during said snap, a pipe froze in my attic, reducing my house to rubble.
    But if you want to visit, feel free. Or just send Jack.
    *** HA! See..it always ends with “send Jack.” Sorry to hear about your pipe. That’s gotta suck. ~Laura

  25. Nicole says:

    “Well okay, I would just give you a drug that was hypnotic and then tell you that tofu and junk like that tastes really good and that carbs taste like sea weed and nasty stuff like that.”
    See, I would be totally fine with a drug like that if the hypnosis would work. But if I was told that chocolate was nasty I’d hafta cut someone. I can do without refined sugar, but high quality dark chocolate is like air. I need to seriously do something about my lifestyle though. Your list makes me all sad and thoughtful. But that’s okay. :)
    *** Truth be told, I’m still sad. ~Laura

  26. Teresa says:

    I was trying to think of something witty to say, but my brain refuses. It’s been that kind of week. I don’t care about potatoes or bread or even circus peanuts, but I really really need to have a glass of wine. And I will – once I get done working.
    Since it’s been such a crap week – I will just send pets to Jack rather than asking him to come here. I’m pretty sure he would not be amused when I was unable to get up and let him run outside because it’s just too much trouble. Ha!
    *** I’ll send him with a doggie door kit. Ha! ~Laura

  27. Erik says:

    I would invite you AND Jack over to the house. But we are like far away. And Jack would be Baron’s little friend until he got tired and cranky(Baron), and then all bets are off.
    Not to mention that we have other little things about – children – and I know how you feel about “chillens”.
    Carbs are hard to mix back into the diet – that where I fell off the wagon.
    *** Dude, you only had to mention the C word..children… like kryptonite. ~Laura

  28. Trish says:

    What happened to the video? I can’t watch it says “private only”. Have I been kicked out of the Laura Fan club just cause I hate Lady Gagme OOPPPS sorry GAGA?
    *** HA! The Youtube user made it private. Sonsabitch. ~Laura

  29. Nikki Rules says:

    Well, I’m not a doctor but I’d say your taste buds were burnt off.
    *** Just deprived. ~Laura

  30. Rick Martin says:

    The video went private…
    *** I guess I should take it off… Okay another one posted. ~Laura

  31. I’m loving the 75 degree weather we’re having, but I’m with you. It’s going to be hot as balls real soon. I’m never prepared for that.
    *** Ugh, I know, I am so dreading my electric bill too. ~Laura

  32. CGHill says:

    Think of the “hydrate” portion of carbohydrates, then remind the doctor that water is essential to life, and it takes about two bags of Circus Peanuts to produce a tablespoon of water.
    *** HAHA! You’re like a food scientist! ~Laura

  33. Elphaba says:

    You know what? You haven’t had a good stick science post in quite some time. You are falling down on the job!
    How is Jack? You know, he’s the main reason why I come here. Just kidding. He’s the second reason why I come here! Tinks is the first.
    (Yeah, I shouldn’t be posting comments after two glasses of cheapass wine.)
    HA! You know that I think you’re the shit. This world would be damned depressing without you.
    *** HA! Awww, well thank you! And I know all people want to see is Tinks and Thelma and Jack. They just put up with me to get to them. With spring here I am sure I can find some stick science creepy stuff somewhere maybe one day. ~Laura

  34. I adore my cats, and Hubby does too, but he hates the litter. He says it’s contaminated with feces. Yes, I clean it, but that doesn’t appease him.
    When I read him your item about Thelma (great name, btw) he said: “Cement paws? More like poop paws.”
    You’re welcome.
    *** Thus I disinfect everything too. Cats are assholes. Ha! ~Laura

  35. mel says:

    Oh Laura! Who needs to be skinny? Not me! Not you, either! Go buy some bread and circus peanuts and cheetos right now.
    *** Are you Satan? Ha! ~Laura

  36. Larry says:

    Circus peanuts and potatoes and bread and Cheetos all taste horrible, and you don’t want any part of them. Bacon is much better.
    Glad I could help.
    Also, I would invite Jack over but I don’t think Boots would like it. Or maybe he would, they could dig up the gopher in the yard together.
    *** That sounds like a Jack activity for sure. ~Laura

  37. DogsDontPurr says:

    Re: #5. Yes, I think I probably could have ended world poverty with the billions I’ve spent on “miracle” skin elixirs. (Remember that time I shelled out $$$ for Goat Poop Oil that was supposed to cure rabies? All it did was attract ants! Seriously.)
    But, olive oil? Why have I never thought of that?! Laura, you are a genious!
    Olive oil…Duh! WINNING!!
    *** Seriously, it doesn’t stink, and it won’t block pores, and it absorbs like a champ! You will be SHOCKED at how soft your skin will be. ~Laura

  38. diane says:

    i am so sorry for you and your low carb diet.
    my only goal in life for the past 6 years is to see a fainting goat in person- at first i thought you might really be my soulmate when i saw the goat video post. LMAO. but seriously i told my husband all i want for my birthday is to see a fucking fainting goat. he is 10 weeks to make it happen.
    *** Well, tell him to look for a nearby breeder and arrange to go out there. Also tell him it would be rude to go to a fainting goat farm without a set of real pearls or a huge diamond ring or something equally expensive. ~Laura

  39. Damn! Were those the goats that were singing along to a song? I was just trying to figure out who had posted that, and now it’s gone. I haz a sadz.
    *** Someone posted a video on my wall in Facebook I think of that. I’ll repost it when I get home, so don’t be sad. ~Laura

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