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Mmmmm crab legs… | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

It’s been almost two weeks since my posse and I went out of town. Yes, I have decided to call them “my posse” because it sounds cooler than “my two traveling friends.” So anyway, we’re going to Calabash North Carolina this weekend. It’s my job to pick the restaurants because now I’m a big ole’ baby about what I eat since starting this bullshit low-carb diet. I googled seafood joints in Calabash and checked their menus to make sure they didn’t just sell fried seafood. Calabash IS famous for their fried seafood by the way. So I found this restaurant that offers all-you-can-eat crab legs and I about lost my shit because I love crab legs almost as much as I love George Clooney. Almost. I called the restaurant and made reservations and then I told my posse that we would be eating all-you-can-eat crab legs the first meal there and that I planned on eating twice my body weight in said crab legs. Suddenly they were concerned about not only the time factor, but the mess eating crab legs makes because we have tickets to another event after. I told them to shimmah down, it would work out, we just won’t eat like a pack of hyenas on a carcass (which is a total lie, because I we so will) but they kept whining about how messy and how much time it takes to eat all-you-can-eat crab legs. Damn. So I said “Here, I will render you a drawing of the solution.” Here is that rendering:


 



All-You-Can-EAt Crab Legs Ensemble

 

I am a problem solver.

42 Comments
 

42 Responses to Mmmmm crab legs…

  1. Larry says:

    Looks like you are all set to be a crab-eating fool.
    That get-up would also work well in Maryland for the Chesapeake Bay Blue Crabs.
    Nomnomnomnom!
    **** Mmmmm I loves me some crab. ~Laura

  2. Jennifer says:

    LOL! Great crab eating outfit! MMmmm crab legs- I want to go!!
    *** Grab a garbage bag and hammer and c’mon! ~Laura

  3. garnet says:

    You should be a fashion designer! lol
    *** I really should. ~Laura

  4. Holly says:

    I love that rendering, particularly the hammer to pulverise more shells faster – it’s brilliant :)
    *** Ha! It also works! ~Laura

  5. Shelly says:

    LOL! I love that I never know what the hell you’re going to write about every morning! Just thought I’d tell you!
    *** I never know either. ~Laura

  6. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Move over Tommy Hilfiger!
    *** Hells Yeah! There’s a new designer in town! ~Laura

  7. Ruby Red says:

    I dont think… no,I know I would not want to be sitting close to your table if you were all dressed like that… man .. you mean bid-ness! that would be a classic Kodak Moment I’m sure. HA!
    *** When it comes to all-you-can-eat crab legs I do mean bidness. I want at least triple my money worth. ~Laura

  8. Tad says:

    OMG… I wanna go! that picture just looks like a blast in it self..You guys should just hire someone to follow you around and take pictures.. movies even. you would be at the Oscars… with George…
    *** HA! Or prison. Ha! ~Laura

  9. Heather says:

    OMG I wear the same thing to all-you-can-eat- peel-and eat shrimp nite at the local bar and grill!
    *** You do take a smaller hammer though don’t you? ~Laura

  10. jade says:

    That’s what I wore to prom!! lol
    *** I bet you got crowned Queen too. ~Laura

  11. Yabu says:

    I can also eat twice my weight, maybe three times, in crab legs. Good idea to take your personal hammer and scissors. I’ve done the garbage bag thing before, but I don’t like wearing trash bags, so I usually just go have a shower and change clothes.
    Y’all be cool with it, and remember…no fucking cussing in public. Be all ladylike and shit.
    *** Fuck. Do we have to? ~Laura

  12. BisonBabe says:

    I can’t wait to wear my outfit that you’ve designed so well!!
    I see with the safety goggles you’ve heard I’ve slung crablegs across the restaurant and hit total strangers in the eye. Safety first!!
    *** I will stab you with the claw part of my hammer if you fling crab and waste it like that. Just saying… ~Laura

  13. Pearl says:

    Saw you on FB through Kate Mohler. Nice post! I’m low-carb as well and feel your breading-free pain…
    Pearl
    *** I would kill for a baked potato.Seriously, kill. And thank you. ~Laura

  14. Well, now, I *do* take a small hammer with me when we go out for seafood, because you just never know, ya know?? Though the last time I used it it was for forensic purposes.
    Remind me to really clean the hammer later.
    *** Or bury it with the…umm…crab. ~Laura

  15. The Nickster says:

    >> I am a problem solver. <<
    Not to mention your clear sense of style.
    *** I work it like a model, baby! I just forget to throw up after. ~Laura

  16. Sue Dunham says:

    Diet.
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    *** I mean it like “the diet of the hyena consists of large quanities of crab legs.” ~Laura

  17. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    You forgot the Baby wipes for your Cheekies (Ya Gotta remove the extra Butter,)
    **** Mmmmmm butter…. ~Laura

  18. laughingmom says:

    Love the outfit! Perhaps adding a shower cap to protect your perfectly coiffed hair would add that extra precautionary measure and certainly make your friends much happier!
    *** I thought about that but hats make my bulbous head hot and then I might pass out and drown in a platter of crab leg water. Though I can think of worse ways of dying I suppose… ~Laura

  19. cbullitt says:

    That is a true Crableg Goddess Fashion Ensemble. At first I misread part of it, thinking you drew “bagels” on your feet.
    I thought, you know…they’d be handy for soaking up spilled butter.
    But then I remembered you’re going lo-carb.
    Well, maybe after your diet.
    *** HAHA! I LOVE the idea of bagels on my feet, and yes, probably because I’m on lo-carb. Ohhh and matching pretzel earrings… ~Laura

  20. Steph says:

    I read this and salivated.
    You’re Pavlov, and I’m your dog.
    That…sounded “weird.” But I’m just gonna go with it.
    *** HAHA! Crab legs, Gurll! Mmmmm. ~Laura

  21. Too funny!
    *** Mmmm crab legs…. ~Laura

  22. rdennis says:

    I have found that the beauty of eating crab legs is the fact that you can’t possibly shuck and eat enough to provide enough calories to actually gain any weight. Yup, you burn more trying to get that freakishly small piece of meat out of that hollow tube of a leg than you can possibly gain, from eating eat. True stuff? I wouldn’t make this up!
    Of course good ol’ US Beef is still the best diet food!
    *** Ha! I have breaking shells and pulling sweet, sweet crab meat out down to a science (as noted by my apparel.) Ha! ~Laura

  23. BTW I saw your comment about Sugar Free Peeps. I want to know HOW they were sugar free. Since the concept is marshmallow dressed in yellow sugar. Were the Peeps naked?
    *** NO they had shiny stuff on them. ..a fake sugar, I assumed it was Splenda also, that was just biding it’s time to tear up your intestines. ~Laura

  24. LeeAnn says:

    If… sorry, WHEN George Clooney comes to his senses, ditches the whore, and comes to sweep you away, please remember which love is which and do not pulverize George Clooney with a hammer. If you do, please remember to bring two buckets.
    *** HAHA! And a shitload of baby wipes. ~Laura

  25. Erik says:

    Crab legs are good, but just too much damn work for this lazy man.
    The other problem with eating crab legs is that they go good with beer, and with your diet….sorry!
    And all you can eat…well….I don’t need to be anywhere around a buffet.
    *** I can have ALL the crab legs (ZERO CARBS BABY!) (minus the beer of course) I can eat- best part of this diet! Woohoo! ~Laura

  26. Curtal Friar says:

    Great illustration as always. You should dress like that if and when you go to Dirty Dick’s Crabhouse. :D
    Got a little humor up at my place you might like.
    *** I got a Dirty Dick T-Shirt at the Outer Banks this year! ~Laura

  27. Brea says:

    Can I dress like this for Halloween, or have you already copyrighted and patented the shit out of it?
    Cause it’s PERFECT!
    *** Ha! I think some serial killers may have already copyrighted and patented it. ~Laura

  28. MorningGlory says:

    We shall henceforth refer to you as “Laura the Buffet Slayer”.
    Mmmm – crab legs. Want.
    *** HA! I will proudly wear that title and my garbage bag. ~Laura

  29. Sugar Free says:

    Holy shit! I wore that same exact outfit to a staff meeting last week! (there was no crab)
    *** HA! did you leave anyone alive because it would double as a serial killer outfit. ~Laura

  30. AmyLynn says:

    Tell them they are being big crybabies and to put the trash bag dress on after it puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose….what?
    heee
    that is all
    *** But I don’t wanna wear their skins! ~Laura

  31. Liz says:

    Mmmmmm, crab legs. I have a friend who has PERFECTED breaking a small section off the end of the leg and sucking the meat out! No need for your outfit (beautiful as it is) or hammer.
    *** I was going to make a remark like ” I bet she gets lots of dates” but I refrained because I’m a lady. Ha! ~Laura

  32. AmyLynn says:

    sorry Laura I forgot we were talking about you.
    What was the subject again?
    SQUIRREL
    *** It is 24/7 ME all the time. Ha! It’s part of the whole attention whore thing. ~Laura

  33. Jan says:

    Well, you can have my share of crab legs, as I don’t eat them. Crabs and lobsters share the same ecological niche as buzzards, vultures and hyenas, and the thought of eating scavengers that eat anything decayed and putrefying is just gross.
    Still, you are a total fashion maven and Georgie-boi is a fool to not want you dressed like that!
    *** I will eat those vultures of the sea dipped with glee and dipped in butter! ~Laura

  34. Jena says:

    I heard there is a free all you can eat crab legs at the Boner Group….
    *** The Boner Group has it all. ~Laura

  35. Rob says:

    You forgot the helmet, Laura. Here in Louisiana, people tend to imbibe while eating crabs (We eat the whole thing, though, not just the legs). After a while, it will be Fetch My Flying Hammer Time. I’m sure MC would have written that sooner or later. :)
    *** HA! I could wear my regular helmet I reckon. HA! ~Laura

  36. nightfly says:

    Hey – so what if they’re scavengers? It’s recycling, s’all. I fully endorse critters who can turn refuse into tasty crab and catfish and lobster. Why waste their efforts?
    And a question for you, m’lady. Would the hammer for increased shell-smashing count as an application of Stick Science?
    *** Smash Science. ~Laura

  37. Jeffro says:

    That fetching ensemble would work equally as well fighting the hordes of elderly folks at the Golden Corral buffet. The hammer could be multifunctional.
    *** HAHA! “Out of my way, old people!” *BAM* ~Laura

  38. Jena says:

    Maybe you should go there all did up with your trash bag and hammer…. just saying. If you won the lotto.
    *** I would too, that’s the sad part. Ha! ~Laura

  39. CGHill says:

    I tell you, there is no problem Laura can’t solve.
    *** I am THE problem solver. ~laura

  40. Nancy in Iowa says:

    My first (and last) crab “feast” was in Maryland. I protested going, telling my guy that I don’t like crabs, eat only shrimp from the sea (or mahi mahi!), but he assured me there were other things. Once there I was faced with dozens of extra long picnic tables covered with brown paper, surrounded by manic people smashing crustaceans and smearing their faces and hands with butter. Fortunately, it was true – they had other things. Shrimp! I love shrimp! I had mounds of them…..and you don’t have to smash little shrimpie parts.
    *** I seriously love ALL seafood. Mmm shrimp…. ~Laura

  41. Nicole says:

    Posse can apply to any number greater than one. And it certainly seems to apply to your cohorts in crime. :)
    *** They be my peeps. ~Laura

  42. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    This House is Clean. OMFG!
    And why would you tell us this?… Wait for it…
    *** …waiting… ~Laura

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