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Just when you thought it was safe to read my blog on Fridays I start making lists again. You’re welcome. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

 Friday List of Random Crap


1. When celebs get all full of themselves, partake in self-destructive behavior, and boohoo to the world how fucking hard they have it, I want to force them to live my life for a few months. I want them to be forced to go to an office job day after day after day after day, earn my pay, and pay my bills without pushing an ink pen through their eye and into their brain to end their suffering. Fuck you, spoiled assholes, there are thousands of other people with more talent than you waiting to take your place, so shut the fuck up, suck it up and get therapy, or go away already.


2. The trip this month will be a weekend at Myrtle Beach where we have tickets to Medieval Times. We’re pretty sure it will be a ridiculously fun time and we got front row seats so we’ll probably get thrown out for sexually harrassing those good-looking “knights.”


3. Speaking of celebs, I totally wanted to hate Lady Gaga when she first came out, but I adore her. I’m totally digging her new single Born This Way and according to my iTunes Library I have played it 43 times in the past three days. Great song for the treadmill.


4. If you have a blog, and it is not on my Blog Roll, please let me know in comments or an email. I am always on the look-out for blogs to read, and I am terrible about adding them from comments because I’m usually on my phone when I release comments and then I get busy (i.e. stopping myself from pushing an ink pen into my eye and into my brain and ending my suffering) and forget. But tonight, I’ll be adding to the Roll, so let me know. And did you know I have an iPhone?


5. There is no number five. I just wanted to post some more animal pics from Pine Mountain Wild Animal Park.


  

Buffalo



Antelope



LongHorn

47 Comments
 

47 Responses to Just when you thought it was safe to read my blog on Fridays I start making lists again. You’re welcome.

  1. Jennifer says:

    OH MY GOD I LOVE those pictures!
    Girl, you are wayyyy too talented and witty for an office job, I always said that. Oh, and I love Lady GaGa too.
    *** Awww, thank you. ~Laura

  2. Stacy says:

    That last photo is so weird!! lol
    *** It was horrifying actually. The cattle/bison would open their mouths and sling their tongues to the side so that you could literally throw food in. The first time it happens you’re all “WHAT THE FUCK?” ~Laura

  3. Holly says:

    Eww that last picture is like “people…are…tas..ty..”
    *** Or “I will slap you upside your face with this dildo if you don’t feed me.” It was shocking to see when you first saw it, much like seeing an actual dildo for the first time. HAHA! ~Laura

  4. garnet says:

    “*** Or “I will slap you upside your face with this dildo if you don’t feed me.” It was shocking to see when you first saw it, much like seeing an actual dildo for the first time. HAHA! ~Laura”
    You crack my ass up even in comments. And you are wayyy too creative for an office job.
    *** Aww, well, thank you too. ~Laura

  5. Ruby Bud says:

    I concur! much talent. much waste… your Highness!
    *** HA! YES! I need to be Queen of teh World!! ~Laura

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    That last one solves the mystery of what really happened to Jabba the Hutt.
    *** HA! Isn’t it wild? ~Laura

  7. Steph says:

    Holy giant buffalo tongue! Someone should notify them that is no way to make a first impression on a lady. Could you imagine if human guys did that? Walk all up to you and start rolling their huge tongue around? Actually? I’m pretty sure some guys do. So nevermind.
    Oh! And my little blog is
    musingsofasarcasticmind.blogspot.com
    *** Thanks! Yeah, I’ve met those types btw. ~Laura

  8. LeeAnn says:

    All those animals were answering the question “Cat got your tongue?”
    Uh, no. Here it is.
    *** HA! I know, right? And we didn’t even ask the question! ~Laura

  9. The Other Crazed Chick says:

    Great! and now that more animal pictures from the safari have been posted, as soon as I get to my office, I will post a “LIST” of all the rules they broke…Stay tuned.
    ***HAHA! NARC!!! ~Laura

  10. lifeshighwy says:

    Too much tongue for the morning. I love Medieval Times beginning a horse geek in my other life. You will have a blast.
    *** If we don’t get arrested. Ha! Laura

  11. hoodyhoo says:

    why do animal tongues always look like terrifying penises? Or is it peni? Or is it just me…
    *** Girl, I screamed like a little Catholic school girl when I first saw both. Ha! ~Laura

  12. laughingmom says:

    Found your blog recently and love it! Lady Gaga bugged the crap out of me at first too but she really has talent – have you heard them play Born This Way over top of Madonna’s Express Yourself?
    I’m new to this blogging stuff – read at your own risk…
    wheresthefunnyhere.blogspot.com
    *** Well, thank you! And yes- GaGa’s Born This way rythm sounds like Express Myself, but is way better and I LOATHE Madonna. ~Laura

  13. Kristy says:

    I find it incredibly amusing that so many of us think dildo or penis when we see a tongue like this… Gee, what does it all mean? lol
    http://www.sassybitches.com
    *** We’re depraved. Ha! ~Laura

  14. Shelly says:

    Wow those animals were hungry! lol
    *** Yes they were. Well, they acted that way anyway. ~Laura

  15. rdennis says:

    Dead on, on the number one. And come on people, get real, their tongues are not that big, when you consider how big their bodies are. Ever have a cow lick you? Like a huge wet piece of sandpaper! Wow!
    Wish I could go to mid evil times, but no, I have to stay here and harness horses and feed the cows. Stupid hungry cows! :-(
    At least bring me back a bar wench!!!!
    *** HA! You’re on your own there. And, the buffalo had even coarser tongue than the cows. I just loved how they flopped them to the side so you could throw in food. ~Laura

  16. Erik says:

    Spoiled celebs – yeah, I am pretty tired of Justin Beiber too.
    You have front row seats to Medieval Times? You are going to get in so much trouble…might as well call the cops and put the SWAT team on alert…
    People say Gaga has talent…I just don’t get it.
    Is my blog on your roll? I haven’t linked anyone’s blog to mine yet, so maybe there’s the problem..
    *** I will put it there. And GaGa is very talented. She writes, can sing like a mofo with NO Autotune, and dances. She loses a lot of people because of her “weirdness” and costumes- it’s one reason I wanted to hate her- but dammit I sing (badly) the hell out of her songs whenever I hear them and they make me wanna dance (badly). ~Laura

  17. Best pictures! I scrapbook and those would make a Bitchen page.
    My blog is http://preparedforeverydaylife.blogspot.com
    *** Thanks! ~Laura

  18. Jena says:

    Never been to Medival Times. but bring you K-Bar to use as an eating utensil and self defense from fellow table companions.
    *** Hmmm, maybe shank the opposing team’s knight? HA! ~Laura

  19. Tim says:

    “Fuck you, spoiled assholes, there are thousands of other people with more talent than you waiting to take your place, so shut the fuck up, suck it up and get therapy, or go away already”… VERY well said. Have a great weekend!
    *** You too! ~Laura

  20. Dear Sweet Mama says:

    Is that buffalo licking in his nose??!!! My God – those tongues. I’m going to have to go off for a while and think about them. Never mind me.
    *** HAHA! ~Laura

  21. Yabu says:

    I’ve been to Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach before. It was a good time, but I suggest you take your KA-BAR and wear something you don’t mind wiping your fingers on. It is a messy meal.
    Being a boy dog, I’m not much for knights, but I could lay the rap on the Princess if need be. She was too cute, in a evil sort of way.
    Ya’ll are going to have a blast, but remember…no fucking cussing and no burning 7 gram rocks.
    DO NOT take Jack with you, he’d be all fucking with the horses and shit, and one of the knights might take a Bola to his ass.
    You’re gonna have a good time…Good choice.
    *** I think we will. We have found that the corniest places are the most fun too.~Laura

  22. The Other Crazed Chick says:

    Here is the list I promised…It starts out:
    Thank you for choosing Wild Animal Safari for your destination today. We want to make your visit as memorable and as safe as possible….It goes on
    OK… here are “THE RULES” that were broken.
    * Remember animals inside the Safari are wild. Please use extream care at all times. Never cross or reach over a safty fence.
    (they even say “PLEASE” but NOOOO)
    * Safari rules as well as the STATE OF GEORGIA… PROHIBIT anyone from getting out of the vehicle inside the drive-thru area.
    (UMMMM YEAH OK)
    *DO NOT ROLL WINDOWS DOWN MORE THAN HALF WAY.THIS WILL HELP KEEP THE BARRIER BETWEEN YOU AND THE ANIMALS!!! (anyone seen our pictures? HA! they were in the jeep with us)
    *No grills allowed to cook outside! (there spolies our plans for wild beast for lunch!)
    *Alcohol, firearms, drugs or UNRULY BEHAVIOR will not be tolerated (we got lucky nobody noticed)
    * NEVER stick your “HAND” or “FINGERS” into an animals mouth!! (Again, anyone seen our pictures?)
    * When stopping to feed an animal, please pull to the side of the road to let others pass you by.(Well that took a while before someone said “OH maybe we should pull over so they can get by)
    This next one is the best!
    * Wild animal safari encourages you to feed any and all of the hoofed animals in the drive-thru section HOWEVER, in order to minimize the potential for injury, PLEASE TOSS THE FOOD AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE…(AGAIN i REFER TO PICTURES) AND FINALLY
    * Please be aware of the following animals as they have been known to nip and peck. Extra caution should be exercised around these animals. Zebra, Zedonks, Ostriches, EMUS & Rheas… Again I refer to the pictures…
    So now everyone understand why we had SO MUCH FUN!
    *** It’s fun breaking rules! And we would never grill one of those beasties, Miss Rules. ~Laura

  23. Mindy says:

    I used to try to do what the buffalo is doing in the first pick. I thought if I kept practicing my tongue would stretch, like practicing the splits or something. Turns out I couldn’t do those either.
    *** Ha! I can actually touch my nose with my tongue. Weird eh? ~Laura

  24. Elphaba says:

    Your first picture totally solves the mystery as to how creatures with hooves manage to pick their own noses. Thank you for that; I always learn something new here.
    Your rant about spoiled celebs was spot on, BTW. I second that sentiment.
    Oh, and WP and I would be quite honored to be added to your blogroll…
    *** Done. I don’t know why it hasn’t been there all along…see what I mean? ~Laura

  25. Barry says:

    I just don’t understand the lure of shows like TMZ and Entertainment Tonight. Who the fuck cares who they are and what the idiots are doing??? As long as it doesn’t affect me, do your own thing. And what a great tongue shot. Is that the Buffalo that was hitting on your friend?
    ** Yes! it is the same buffalo! Ha! I do like to watch my George Clooney though..that is if teh WHORE isn’t with him. ~Laura

  26. Yabu says:

    “corniest places” is an understatement, but you will have a good time. It’s double cheese, but you will laugh.
    *** And that’s what life should be filled with. (As corny as it sounds.) ~Laura

  27. Love me some Lady Gaga!
    *** Me too, Gurl. ~Laura

  28. AmyLynn says:

    Oooh those pictures looked like dating profiles for animals—
    and HELL YES to number one
    (I am eyeing my ball point pen as we speak)
    you have visited my blog but I am not on your blog roll, so if you wanna ok….if not ok too–
    I am not much for the “PITY READ” = please pity me and read my blog.
    that is all
    *** There’s no pity to it. I’m a blog reading fiend. I do know that probably some people wish I wouldn’t comment on their blog because I’m not very PC sometimes. Imagine that. ~Laura

  29. Maeve says:

    Pfffttt……let ol’e chuck come live MY life and see if he can handle it? Lets see if he can handle changing diapers for nine years, behavor vomiting, feces smearing, not getting more than 4 hours of sleep on a DAILY basis and the icing on the cake? Fear of who is going to love your child when you are pushing daisies.
    On a happier note, my sister is flying to Canada to meet up with some friends to see Lady GaGa this weekend. I will be expecting a lot of drunken phone calls from her. :)
    *** Dang Girl. You should have went with your sister for a vacation. ~Laura

  30. karen says:

    I love those animal pics!
    *** Thanks. ~Laura

  31. Larry says:

    The knights may just harass right back. In days of old when knights were bold, etc. etc.
    “If you have a blog, and it is not on my Blog Roll, please let me know in comments (yada yada) I am terrible about adding them from comments”
    So what would be the point, really?
    *** None really. I’m more apt to click from my Roll then comments. My Blog Roll is for my reading list- there’s no prize or anything. ~Laura

  32. Nancy in Iowa says:

    Thanks a lot, Laura. Now I have that first picture in my mind – watching a buffalo digging for gold with it’s tongue! I don’t dare let Emma the Calico Queen see it because she might try it. Watch out on your new trip – you might be transported to the past!
    *** How cool would that be? Wait, not very, they didn’thave indoor plumbing then. ~Laura

  33. Nicole says:

    Awesome tongue pictures.
    And great minds must obsess alike sometimes – I just wrote up a post for tomorrow on my shameful Lady Gaga listening. Born This Way is a fantastically catchy song.
    *** The Gaga fever! ~Laura

  34. diane says:

    HAHAHa my facebook status is “when i die i want charlie sheen’s life to flash before my eyes”
    ps- WTF is up with that tongue? (not charlie’s)
    *** There were animal tongues everywhere! ~Laura

  35. One Crazed Chick says:

    I personally enjoyed breaking every rule we broke. Would I break the rules again?? I sure would!! Of course, I’d probably just wear rubber so the slobber couldn’t get through (I know, wearing rubber just sounds bad). But when my b/f buffalo shows up, you’re all gonna be sooooooo jealous!!!
    *** Becaue of the tongue? ~Laura

  36. Rita says:

    What’s up with the error I’m getting on the dino destruction post. I cannot post to it anymore, so I’ll try my response to this post to see if it works. If it dosn’t I’ll take it your booting me off because I call it like I see it.
    Anyway, here is ther quote I was refering to:
    Wrong one, although that was a pretty good guess Laura.
    I hear JEM say, “You’re seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren’t you?”
    THAT ONE.
    Wrong one, although that was a pretty good guess Laura.
    I hear JEM say, “You’re seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren’t you?”
    THAT ONE.
    *** My host crashes me whenever if feels like it and my publishing platform MT hates me and sends errors all willy-nilly so I haven’t a clue why you’re getting an error, but I get errors also on this side so imagine what a joy it is on my end some days. And if I’m too crazy and you want sane blogs, I guess there’s always Disney dot com or whatever to go visit. It’s a big Internet. ~Laura

  37. CGHill says:

    Having seen footage of Lady Gaga as a civilian, I am convinced that she’s a massively-talented young woman who has decided the fastest way to fame and fortune is to turn out repetitive dance numbers. She may be right. (Hey, it worked for Madonna.)
    Does this mean I don’t allow her tunes on my hardware? It most certainly does not.
    *** Exactly! She knew from the beginning her initial fan base was the gay dance clubs and stuck with the music that worked. Good for her- she’s smart too. I seriously wanted to hate her until I saw those civilian interviews and really watched her perform. I heard her doing some of her songs acapella and I was extremely impressed. And those pop dance songs are great to exercise to. ~Laura

  38. Elphaba says:

    ROTFLMAO…thanks for the add to the blog roll, but you have us listed as “Red Witch State.” Which works, if one is dyslexic. HA!
    Sincerely,
    the witch from the red state
    XD
    *** DAMMIT! I told ya’ll I’m no good at this! Fixed. ~Laura

  39. Trish says:

    Laura please don’t hate me and do vodoo or come to the Pacific NW looking for me. Now that is out of the way I have to say this.
    Lady Gaga sucks!!!!!! She is a joke and acts like one also. This latest song “Born this way” is a ripoff of Madonna’s song “Express Yourself”
    Please don’t hurt me for this.
    *** HA! I won’t hate you. I dislike all the costume and freaky stuff too, but I love the songs. Gaga tells people she’s a “performance artist” not a singer and blah, blah, and whatever, but I caught myself singing her tunes and then I really watched HER. That girl can belt out a song- no Auto-tune like they have to use on most artist (ie Britney- btw Britney is so auto-tuned her songs all sound robotic, Madonna was auto-tuned beyond belief and could/can not sing either.) Gaga dances and puts on a show, and she plays instruments very well. She doesn’t go clubbing and getting negative attention, she minds her business. As far as sounding like Express Yourself- yeah it does, but most songs to me sounds like someone elses’ or at least has a touch in them here and there. I still love Ice-Ice Baby! Ha! Srsly. I don’t hold it against her, I just sing along and hold dance-offs with my animals to them. (FYI: Thelma usually wins) ~Laura

  40. Jeffro says:

    I’d bet them critters wouldn’t wanna lick Charlie Sheen. Bet he tastes toxic.
    *** probably make ‘em high I imagine. ~Laura

  41. Sassy says:

    I love Gaga’s songs. I guess she’s the kind you either love her or hate her.
    *** I reckon so. ~Laura

  42. Rita says:

    Say it ain’t so Laura. Now why would I go read normal blogs when you fill yours with spiders and dogs and dinosaurs and crazy neighbors? If I wanted to read normal blogs, I would write one myself and stick to my own boring life. Oh wait, I do write a my own boring blog, that’s why I come here to read all about you and Charlie Sheen, er I mean Bishop Sheen, NO I mean George Clooney or Rosemary Clooney, can’t remember which one you are planning on kidnapping, but I’m sure it’s one of those four. But if it’s Rosemary, wouldn’t you have to learn how to dance?
    *** Or have a shovel to dig her up with. ~Laura

  43. Rita says:

    Yeah, but think about how much easier to dig her up than wrestle, tie up and kidnap George. At least she wouldn’t resist.
    *** Not into corspes, thanks. ~laura

  44. Teresa says:

    Being as I am so totally nonobservant, I had to go look for your blogroll. Ha! I like your extra blog roll page and I think I may do that too since the sidebar thing is annoying me no end on my blog. Then again it’s “work” to move things around and I will likely never get to it. I’m such a slug.
    Love the pics!
    *** Thanks. My sidebars get out of control sometimes too. ~Laura

  45. mememememememememe! I adore your sassy blog – come read mine! baby teeth! pickles!
    BTW – I once got bit by an ostrich at a wildlife park, so i rolled the window up on it’s head.
    Ta-Ta!
    Agnes
    *** Done. And thank you. Where were you when the emu attacked?? ~Laura

  46. AlisonsDiary says:

    I had a boyfriend like that once.
    I married him.
    *** With a tongue like that, who blames ya. Ha! ~Laura

  47. Jaclyn says:

    I’d love to be added to your blog roll if you remember!
    *** Done! ~Laura

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