Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

I think I caught TB but I’m doing my pictorial entry of Cape Fucking Fear because even when I’m dying I’m an attention whore, man.

By Laura On January 17, 2011 · 34 Comments

So the three of us went to Cape Fear North Carolina. First we went into Wilmington looking for the Hardee’s Hen because it was utterly ridiculous to, so of course, we had to. It wasn’t there and we figured a crackhead ate him or he was used in some voodoo ritual so we went to look at the USS North Carolina instead.

As we were leaving Wilmington to catch a ferry over to Southport we spotted this:

Shit. So we looked under the car before we left and off we went across the Cape Fear River to Southport Island.

We thought we were pretty safe until we started noticing the birds on the island.

We decided to leave there and do a bunch of other stuff. Then we saw the prison van again.

So when you’re faced with murderous asshole birds and psycho tattooed convicts there’s only one thing to do- eat and go shopping.

P.S. There’s lots more pics that I’ll put into Flickr one day, right after I put my Savannah pics in there. That is, if I survive the TB. And the leprosy. And the rabies.

34 Comments

34 Responses to I think I caught TB but I’m doing my pictorial entry of Cape Fucking Fear because even when I’m dying I’m an attention whore, man.

Larry says:

January 17, 2011 at 5:37 am

Thanks for the trip report, despite the certain fatal ailments. Your sacrifice will certainly not go unnoticed.
*** Ha! I hope not! ~Laura

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Jerry says:

January 17, 2011 at 6:03 am

Congratulations on the TB, Leprosy and Rabies. I’m sure that it is the conjunction of these three dreaded diseases that prompted your delightful post.
*** Exactly. You’re welcome. ~Laura

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Jennifer says:

January 17, 2011 at 6:37 am

I loved that movie!!
I bet you all had a great time. And I’m glad you’ve warned ua all about the crazy birds and crazy killers up there!
*** We did have a great time, as usual. ~Laura

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Joe the Blog Stalker says:

January 17, 2011 at 6:45 am

Even you make attempted murder look fun.
*** It can be. ~Laura

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LeeAnn says:

January 17, 2011 at 6:53 am

Perhaps you’ve contracted bird-stinkeye-induced spongiform encephalopathy.
I read about it. It often presents as TB, leprosy, and rabies.
I watch “House” a lot. I know these things.
*** Ha! I may have, but first we have to rule out lupus. ~Laura

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Jade says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:21 am

Oh I like that beaded shark.
*** I did too so I bought it. ~Laura

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Hailey says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:32 am

I would eat and go shopping too with things trying to murder me! lol
*** It’s calming. ~Laura

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Yabu says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:35 am

Glad ya’ll had a good time…hard to have a bad time in Cape Fear. The North Carolina…well, she’s in a class of her own. I want / need a 16 incher in my back yard. Damn thing can throw a Volkswagen 21 miles.
Stretch has some experience with the local psycho birds. Fortunately, I did not have to use Stick or Shell science on ‘em. People were tossing bread to ‘em, and he got all up in the middle of it.
*** HA! I loves me some Stretch. We should have stopped and took him with us. ~Laura

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hoodyhoo says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:42 am

I also have TB today, so it must be an internet-transmitted disease… and I want that shark so bad I can’t STAAAAAAAND it!
*** Isn’t it adorable? Hope you get to feeling better. ~Laura

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The Other Crazed Chick. says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:44 am

It was great! other than Laura making us get up @ 3AM to travel,and it was F****** cold @ 3AM and She neglected to tell you that we visited several “Candy Shops” and she acquired more Circus Peanuts. we had the best Seafood Platter for dinner in Calabash . The weather could not have been better. It was a day made just for us… it was 15 degrees @ 3AM. Beeeaaach!
*** Would you like some cheese with that whine? Ha! ~Laura

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Joan of Argghh! says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:53 am

Beady-eyed shark! Brrrr!
I’m glad to see you got the “fear” part of your vacation destination’s moneys’ worth.
*** Me too! ~Laura

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Allyson says:

January 17, 2011 at 8:38 am

The prison van was priceless…but why exactly was it empty and where were they??? You were very smart to check under the car. Thoughts..the prisoners could be shape shifters and they turned into the birds. Maybe the prison warden is the Alpha shifter, and the prisoners can’t fly away because they know they’ll be killed if they do. Hence the pissed off looks. I also watch too much True Blood. Glad you had a great time, looking forward to the pictures!!
*** Oooo I never thought of that! And, I can not wait for True Blood’s new season!! Love that show. ~ Laura

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Tim says:

January 17, 2011 at 8:58 am

Welcome Back ! I see Jena hasnt commented yet, does that mean she got her rock?
*** HA! There was no way in hell I was gonna lift one of those babies. Besides, I think they’re protected and I’d get arrested trying. ~Laura

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Staci says:

January 17, 2011 at 9:10 am

lol I love the Cape Fear region.
*** It is very nice indeed, I mean, besides the psycho killers. ~Laura

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MorningGlory says:

January 17, 2011 at 9:20 am

Glad you enjoyed Cape Fear,but sorry to hear about the three fatal diseases currently plaguing you and preventing you from posting the rest of your vacation pics to Flickr. Feel better. Snuggle up with Tinks and the rest of the furry gang, have a few Circus Peanuts, and take a nap. You’ll be better in no time!
*** Or murdered in my sleep/coma. Ha! ~Laura

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lifeshighway says:

January 17, 2011 at 9:40 am

South Port if one of my favorite little towns and I have yet to be threatened by the native birds. Perhaps they could smell the South Carolina on you.
Love the beaded shark.
*** You may be right. South Carolina had a distinct odor. ~Laura

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patti says:

January 17, 2011 at 10:09 am

Bedazzled shark! awesomeness.
take care of that TB, it is contagious ya know.
*** That’s why I went into work. HAHA! ~Laura

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Jena says:

January 17, 2011 at 10:42 am

::: I see Jena hasnt commented yet, does that mean she got her rock?:::
omg that made my morning! *sniff, sniff* someone cares! rofl.
I woke up @ 8:30ish cst and only got logged on and reading almost an hour later!
TY Tim! May you never get VD, rabies, lupus, TB or anything else that Laura contracts.
Laura, it looks and sounds like y’all had a blast! and funny how you failed to mention what O.C.C posted.
That shark is teh awesome, watch out it doesn’t KEEL you before I do! (opps, that slipped.. need more coffee)
*** What OCC failed to mention is SHE bought the Circus Peanuts! She tried to keel me! ~Laura

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The Other Crazed Chick says:

January 17, 2011 at 11:19 am

Miner detail!

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tree hugging sister says:

January 17, 2011 at 11:36 am

Did you actually step foot on the North Carolina? Like…”do the boat tour”?
‘Cause it’s haunted, you know. Shoulda told you beforehand. So haunted, it even chased the TAPS guys around.
And was Charlie the Alligator mooching hot dogs at the dock under the snack bar? He’s REALLY big. A LOT of hot dogs after a LOT of years’ll do that to pretty much anybody.
**** OH NOES! Now we’ll have to go back!! I want to be chased by a ghost, but not the gator. ~Laura

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Lauren says:

January 17, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I want that beaded shark!
*** You can not have him! ~Laura

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eventer79 says:

January 17, 2011 at 12:16 pm

OMG, you went on the North Carolina??! What, were you trying to get murdered by angry ghosts? Of course, I’d rather take my chances with them then with the SouthPort yuppies, they give me way bigger heebie-jeebies. Since Bev won’t give me a raise, maybe I’ll just go down there and steal some of their stuff instead.
*** Yeah! Umm just don’t call me for bail, k? ~Laura

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Boneybutt says:

January 17, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I think Laura is slightly (maybe a little more) with the 3 am departings. However, we do seem to fit a lot into a day.
As the driver, if the birds are trying to keel her, the other drivers are!!
*** Oh I know, right? It’s like they head straight for us! ~Laura

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Jena says:

January 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Did you get the manatee award yet?
*** I think it’s at the Post office waiting for me! ~Laura

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Elphaba says:

January 17, 2011 at 1:40 pm

You left out food melanoma and rawhide bone cancer, both important maladies.
Glad you had a good time, hope you feel better soon. Perhaps Tinks can murder your TB for you.
*** Perhaps, but I don’t trust her to stop there. ~Laura

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CGHill says:

January 17, 2011 at 3:05 pm

You really should add this to your banner: “Putting the FEAR in CAPE FEAR since [year].”
*** Ha! I just might! ~Laura

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Teresa says:

January 17, 2011 at 3:52 pm

I’d keep an eye on that souvenir shark… it comes from Cape Fear and I think it wants to keel you too.
*** I KNOW! I hope it is haunted. I’ll leave it in some people’s cars and see what happens. ~Laura

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Nicole says:

January 17, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Glad you had a good time! I needs me a posse to travel with… hm. Off to Craigslist!
*** HAHA! You mean Serial Killer Companion List. And yes, everyone needs a posse! ~Laura

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Cinny says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:37 pm

That is one sinister looking black bird!
*** Murderous! ~Laura

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Glen says:

January 17, 2011 at 7:54 pm

On my vacations all I ever get is the park rangers telling me to leave because of impanding hurricanes. You get all the luck!
*** Where and when in the hell are you vacationing? Ha! ~Laura

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Nancy in Iowa says:

January 17, 2011 at 8:55 pm

TB = Too Bad. Oh, wait, I’m sorry – that was insensitive! Dear Laura, please forgive me!!! I’ve lived isolated in a small snowy town too long. I am happy that you evaded the escaped convicts.
*** Ha! It’s okay. I happy I escaped too. ~Laura

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Jeffro says:

January 17, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Those sixteen inch guns on the North Carolina would take care of cons and angry birds in a rather dramatic fashion. Just sayin.’
Your various diseases might be scared into submission for a while once they saw you giving the birds a broadside.
*** It would be worth it. ~Laura

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Brea says:

January 18, 2011 at 12:25 am

OHMYGOD, now I’m afraid to go outside my house for fear of murderous serial killer birds just WAITING to take me out.
Oh, wait… I’m in North Dakota. All the birds are frozen inside their trees at this time of year, or have flown DOWN SOUTH for better hunting.
Phew.
*** Ha! You’re safe ’till spring. ~Laura

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Stinkin' Bob says:

January 21, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I Google searched “stalking killer hot dogs”–a very long story to explain that, but there are some concerns that they may be lurking in Portland Oregon. There goes paradise…
That search landed me here, which I thought you may want to know. I read an article recently that Googling results are not all that they are cracked up to be lately; a debate for another location, perhaps.
HOWEVER, I am glad to have found your blog, you are a very funny writer! I totally support your added value offering of more George, flying monkeys–how I covet your blog name!–and whoredoms of all manner. And should you get back in Cape Fucking Fear, check wheel wells; methinks you got off lucky.
*** Well I am glad Google sent you here even though there’s no serial killer hot dogs around and I’m glad you like my crazy ass blog. And oh, I know we were lucky in our Cape Fucking Fear adventure, but I did bring back a bad case of indigestion from a Mexican place we stopped at on the way back, so there’s that. ~Laura

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