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I was actually saving the money the tooth fairy brought me to hire a hitman, or pay off the cops. Whichever. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I am the youngest of four children. By the time I came along it was always pretty evident that my mother was sick of taking pictures of us kids because most of my childhood pics are black and white Polaroids, whereas all my brothers had huge studio portraits and oil paintings of them on ponies on a beautiful hillside. In all of my childhood Polaroids I’m all raggedy-ass and posing in fucked up clothes I picked out myself that never matched, and smiling like I had good sense. And that’s the thing I remember most about my childhood, I was one happy little shit whose biggest worry was planning the murder and disposal of a brother or two who pissed me off that week. But Christmas wasn’t about plotting murder and hiding evidence, no Christmas was about getting shit.  


http://www.fetchmyflyingmonkeys.com/blog/photo/xmasmenew1.jpg   


I got everything I wanted that year except my two front teeth and one lower one.



Close-Up


Jesus. No wonder there were no studio portraits or oil pony paintings.

32 Comments
 

32 Responses to I was actually saving the money the tooth fairy brought me to hire a hitman, or pay off the cops. Whichever.

  1. Larry says:

    Hey, you were a cute kid. Hard to believe there were no pony paintings. Did any of the brothers survive?
    *** I was bad at murder when I was a kid. ~Laura

  2. Jennifer says:

    OMG! Adorable! Look at you posing! lol
    *** Yeah, I was always a natural in front of the camera. ~Laura

  3. Inspirations says:

    OMG! These pictures are absolutely precious. I love the new boots and the PJ’s. That smile is incredible. Murdering a brother or two and disposing of the body…Priceless.
    *** I was a fashion icon to all the other children. ~Laura

  4. Mr. Bingley says:

    No spiders on the tree?
    No T-Rex anywhere?
    Who is that person?
    *** I am pretty certain I got a bag of plastic dinosaurs and a bag of green Army men somewhere in that pile. I am certain if you look close enough you will see it’s me. See the murder in the squinty eyes? ‘Nuff said. ~Laura

  5. Green November says:

    That picture brings back a swarm of memories. The way Christmas used to be. We got new socks and underwear, boots and a new outfit and maybe a sled or a new pair of skates. that was about it and we did love and appreciate everything we got….Never realized any hardship it may have caused Mom & Dad cause we believed that Santa brought it all. Ahhhh those were the days! All my kids are grown with kids of their own… I just send money… HA!
    *** I would have taken the money back then and added it to my Murder Fund. ~Laura

  6. Mary Beth says:

    OH MY GOD I want to pinch those cheeks! How fucking adorable and happy you are!
    *** Thanks. And pinching cheeks would only make me add you to my murder list. Ha! ~Laura

  7. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Cute pic. Did you get the bird also.
    *** YES! And it tried to murder me! Christmas was full of murder that year. ~Laura

  8. garnet says:

    LOL! I love it! How cute and happy with yourself you are! You must have just murdered someone!
    *** HAHA! ~Laura

  9. karen says:

    That is a Christmas face if ever I saw one!
    *** Oh, I loved me some Christmas. ~Laura

  10. Jade says:

    TOO CUTE! I wanted to kill my brothers when I was little too, wait, I still do. lol
    *** Yeah, some things you never grow out of. ~Laura

  11. Belinda says:

    Do I see dolls??? Did you practice stick science on them? You probably couldn’t have gotten away with that with one of the brothers (but only if you put the stick in the right place). This must have been before the thumb rabies. Most brothers deserve to be murdered by sisters. My sister always told my mom “beat him, beat him” but sadly, didn’t happen.
    *** No, but you do see a tea set which started the habit of me having tea parties with my pets. I used to practice stick science upside their heads all the time. We were little hell raisers. ~Laura

  12. Jena says:

    Ah. Now I see where you get your “girly” taste in home decor. (curtains)
    And how you carefully had your arms to your side. military style uniform.. the signs are all there.
    *** Yes, I always wanted to be in some kind of special ops so I could learn better ways to murder my brothers. ~Laura

  13. THE Mr. Bill says:

    Now that’s a happy Christmas pic…colorize it and instant Rockwell. Well, except for the bulbous head thing…and the murder thing.
    Oh, also…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUsM4eVXvVQ&feature=related
    *** Go all Ted Turner on it? The funny thing is I really liked having my front teeth missing for some reason. I think I thought it made me look gansta. Ha! ~Laura

  14. Stacy says:

    LOL! Love the pic!! You look so innocent
    *** Thanks. I always am. ~Laura

  15. rdennis says:

    Wow! I bet you were fun to play with at that age. Hell, probably still are. Got a phone number for J so I can call and ask? :-)
    *** HA! He’ll tell you I’m a lot of trouble is what he’ll say. ~Laura

  16. Samantha says:

    I wanted to murder my brothers too but I wasn’t as industrious as you and saved my tooth fairy money. lol
    *** Yeah, problem was- I only had but so many baby teeth. ~Laura

  17. Weren’t you a cute little psychotic murder plotter and your hair is perfect. That how experts could can tell who will grow up to be killers.
    We always got to open an “Eve” present and it was always new PJ’s. The whole idea was to wear them so we would not embarrass Mom in our family pictures.
    *** Christmas eve night was the only time I’d allow my hair to go up in rollers so my mom could pretend she has a lil fancy girl. ~Laura

  18. rathead says:

    Awwww, soo cute… You still stand like that on most days.
    *** That’s the military still in me. Ha! ~Laura

  19. Patty says:

    That’s one hapy kid.
    *** I was. ~Laura

  20. Ahhh, so you were always a natural beauty. Brothers had a good reason to be jealous bastards ;)
    *** Ha! You’re my new best friend. ~Laura

  21. Jan says:

    Old pictures are great, aren’t they? Although I look back at some of mine and think “who the hell was that?” a lot.
    *** I always think I should be wearing a cape or something else awesome. ~Laura

  22. CGHill says:

    I read exactly one thing in those eyes: “Screw around with me and it’s gonna cost you a body part. If you’re lucky.”
    *** Comes from being raised with brothers. ~Laura

  23. patti says:

    It is never too late. You can come pose with my pony…
    *** I’m on my way. ~Laura

  24. Teresa says:

    Photoshop… I’m tellin ya… colorize and add a pigmy goat. That would explain the sheer delight on your face. No one has to know about the dead body behind the sofa.
    *** HA!! I really should. ~Laura

  25. Stoney says:

    You were one happy kid.
    *** Yes I was. ~Laura

  26. Larry says:

    *** I was bad at murder when I was a kid. ~Laura
    uh…does that mean you have gotten better at it?
    *** Ha! Still practicing. ~Laura

  27. Jeffro says:

    Yep, that’s a killer grin!
    *** Ha! ~ Laura

  28. Nicole says:

    Cute and a look in the eyes that screams troublemaker… :)
    *** No, no. I was innocent. ~ Laura

  29. Lana D. says:

    The smile of a serial killer.
    *** HAHA! ~Laura

  30. Ava says:

    Nothing like a child’s face on Christmas.
    *** Yeah. Greedy little shits aren’t they? ~Laura

  31. mel says:

    That is just cute as hell. I’m the last of 5, so my pictures all looked like that too, mismatched clothes and all. Except I see that you or someone fixed your hair all pretty that day. In all my pictures I look like a cave-girl.
    *** My mom said Santa wouldn’t leave me any gifts if I didn’t let her roll my hair! I was very gullible. ~Laura

  32. Yabu says:

    Cutie Pie…plain and simple. That’s about the age I got my first knife.
    *** I had already killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. ~Laura

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