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Here’s a Friday Random Crap List actually on a Friday. It’s a Christmas Miracle! | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Another Friday Random Crap List


1. I don’t know if you all know this but my dog Jack is really hardheaded, well okay, he’s actually kind of retarded. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a sweet dog, and he’s very protective and I love him, but he refuses to listen to anything I say. Seriously. Not one thing. The only words he responds to are “Jack”, and “treat.” And by “respond to” I mean will stop doing something bad just long enough to look at me and then goes back to it. No shit. And I’ve had him eight years too. So anyway, I’ve just recently decided to hell with me trying to give commands and correct him with words like “no” “down, “sit” or “stay” and I’ve started just saying “You better check yourself before you wreck yourself!” all Samuel L. Jackson-like and he responds the same, which means he doesn’t, but it’s more fun for me for some reason.


2. I must be getting old because I’ve been hearing this annoying repetitive song on the radio and the only word I could make out was G-6 and I wasn’t sure if it meant what I thought it meant, so I looked it up in Urban Dictionary because that’s where normal old people go to find out what the young thugs people are saying and it was what I thought it meant:



G6


3. I have another vacation week this month and I am going to Savannah, Georgia. I will take lots of pictures and will again badger you all to look at them. And if you haven’t looked at my Outer Banks pics, go look at them in Flickr. Seriously. Go look at them.


4. My thumb rabies is gone on my left hand. Yes, it is completely gone. It has moved to my right thumb. That’s right. My rabies migrated to my right thumb. I don’t know what the hell is up with that. I’m not a rabies scientist; I’m just a rabies victim.


5. And because I’m bad at being a Nazi, here’s the link to the Potato Soup. I modified it to make it fancy and MAGNIFICENT by adding sauteed shallots and garlic, deglazing the pan with a little white wine, and then topped the soup in the bowl with cheddar cheese and chives. You’re welcome.


6. I’ve just been doing blurbs lately because it’s getting dark so early and I have to cram too much into daylight and time just gets away from me. I want to do more stories and will. I want to tell you all more about my time in the Army. Like the time my unit was in the field doing war maneuvers (war games) and a large group of us, including the commanding officer, were gathered in a tent one night watching a training film when suddenly our generators stopped and several CS gas canisters were thrown in and I had to dive under the side of the tent while putting on my gas mask and attempt to escape into the woods to keep from getting captured by the 82nd Airborne who were the aggressors that week and had, in fact, entered the center of our camp within five minutes of starting the exercise. I want to tell you all that the 82nd played hardball and were known to take prisoners and do things like tie you to a tree and tape a dirty sock in your mouth. I want to tell you all how the night sky was ablaze with flares and tracer rounds as I ran like the wind away from the ear numbing rat-tat-tat and booms of blanks, the deafening battle cries of our aggressors, and the screams of my comrades being stifled by dirty socks. Stories like that.

31 Comments
 

31 Responses to Here’s a Friday Random Crap List actually on a Friday. It’s a Christmas Miracle!

  1. Michelle says:

    1. Thanks for the recipe. 2. Sorry your rabies has moved to your right hand.
    3. Can’t wait for the stories!
    4. Have a great Friday and enjoy your vacation!
    *** You have a great Friday too! ~Laura

  2. Green November says:

    Where the hell do you work where you get “WEEKS” off every month/ Not to mention the $$ to GO ANYWHERE? Are they hiring?
    Where I work if we even mention the word “Vacation” we get the “Dirty Sock” treatment. My boss must have been in the 82nd Airborne! She’s a witch!
    *** No, Airbourne Rangers are nicer even when they’re slamming dirty socks down your throat. ~Laura

  3. Jennifer says:

    LMAO! So did you’ll lose the war? And could you stay and fight them?
    *** Ha! Yes, we lost each time. You do not do hand to hand in a war game. And it wasn’t like paint-ball where you could see who won and lost in a shoot out. They win once they infilitrated your camp, and of course, take your commander. So at that point, all anyone could do was run like a motherfucker to keep from getting captured and getting the sock treatment. ~Laura

  4. Mark In IT says:

    Seriously the best blurb of a military training story told ever in the history of military training stories.
    *** Ha! Thanks. ~Laura

  5. Mr. Bingley says:

    The memory of that sock is seared SEARED into my memory.
    Whilst I was upriver in Cambodia in 1969 celebrating Kwanza with Dick Blumenthal.
    *** HA! Yeah, the Vietcong were brutal with a sock. ~Laura

  6. garnet says:

    Jack probably likes being corrected by a Sanuel L. Jackson voice. lol
    Did you escape the sock torture?
    *** Jack likes any voice or tone used. All he hears is “blah, blah, blah.”
    Oh, and I won’t tell you until I write the story. ~Laura

  7. LeeAnn says:

    “…do things like tie you to a tree and tape a dirty sock in your mouth.”
    Yeah, I remember the prom.
    *** Girl, that wasn’t a sock. ~Laura

  8. Jena says:

    1. Thats the exact same prob I have with a few of the cats so I say all sorts of stuff that would get me arrested on cruelty. They don’t have a clue, I won’t do it, it just helps me vent. Ha!
    2. HAHA! I get urban dictionary delivered daily and todays made me think of you!
    4. Yours moved to the right cos I mentioned mine in my right thumb and my brace for it.
    5. deglaze? wtf!?
    6. woo hoo! bring it on! I was hoping to hear more! You are too funny and Im sure you deserved everything you got and should have gotten what everyone else got.
    *** I have always got what I deserved. I made sure of it. Ha! ~Laura

  9. Jenn says:

    I can’t honestly say that I read all of this post because I was too excited to tell you about the three goats that I saw randomly on my way to work…maybe your lost goat has found his way to NC. But rest assured, if this is your goat, he/she has made friends! :)
    And sorry about the thumb rabies…
    *** That would be one traveling goat, but then again if God sent him, God has a teleporter so it’s possible. Or not. ~Laura

  10. belinda says:

    Jack hears you like we heard Charlie Browns teacher.
    Second, after traveling in NC and upper SC, we could invent the PCS (pantie changing stops). We could have a vending machine with various pantie types as well as various cleaning supplies. Since the bad drivers follow me everywhere I go, we can can our trips and PCS anywhere!
    *** Uh oh, are you having to defensively drive all over the place again? ~Laura

  11. Jacob C. says:

    Alright, this is too weird. When I was in the Army in Georgia, during maneuvers my unit was aggressed by the 82nd and they not only used the dirty sock torture, but would tie our hands behind us and lock our chin straps to each other.
    *** Yep, that’s them alright. Their MO. Those inhumane bastards! Ha! ~Laura

  12. Jeffro says:

    That thumb rabies just has to be an escaped Nazi germ warfare virus. Be careful.
    *** That’s what I’m thinking. Like mustard gas rabies. ~Laura

  13. Janie Jones says:

    Thanks for the magnificent soup recipe, perhaps it is also a secret antidote for left thumb rabies. I guess, however, we must keep making soups in search of a secret antidote now for the right thumb.
    *** Or BBQ ribs. Ha! ~Laura

  14. I love stories so I cannot wait for the 82nd stomp the yard tour. Why did I not know about the dirty sock treatment during my kids formative years. Would have saved a lot of useless time-outs treatments (which don’t really work, btw).
    *** You should have implimented the duct tape to wall treatment. Great for babysitting too. ~Laura

  15. MorningGlory says:

    I’m sorry to hear that your thumb rabies is migratory. You should google ‘palindromic rheumatism’; that’s what I think you have. I have it, and it sucks. And it started in my thumbs, too!
    Thanks so much for the soup recipe … looks yummy and I’ll be making it soon. I made a big pot of split pea with ham soup yesterday (in my crock pot) with the ham bone that was left from our Thanksgiving ham. Yes, we had ham on Turkey Day. We had a turkey, too, so it’s all good.
    *** As long as you have food you can’t go wrong is my motto. And NO I only have temporary rabies. I can’t hear you lalalalalalalalala. ~Laura

  16. Lauren says:

    I hate that G6 song too. Ugh.
    Any story or blurb you do is fine by me. I love your blog.
    *** Thanks, Lauren. ~Laura

  17. Brea says:

    Every time I come here, it’s just the perfect start to my day!
    I can just see you haulin’ass through the trees, making sure the 82nd doesn’t get to dirty-sock you! With Jack and wild herd of dinosaurs, goats, otters and badgers, you could turn the tide, and take back the night and teach them sonsabitches a lesson!
    Oh, and could be Jack only speaks German. He is a dachshund, after all.
    *** I tried NEIN! No luck. Girl, I ran like wind, ducking and weaving, and I even think I dropped and rolled behind cover a few times. It was mayhem. And yes, I could turn the tables on the 82nd now, but they’re actually a terrific organization and American heroes, so I’ll let it slide. Ha!~Laura

  18. Elphaba says:

    May your rabies improve, posthaste, Laura. Doesn’t J. have some sort of arcane Nazi rabies cure that he can give you for it? Since it IS their manufactured disease, and all?
    All my best to Jack, even if he IS a bad dog. (Guess what…they’re ALL bad dogs…don’t let the Lassie myth fool ya).
    *** J is a Rabies Nazi and laughs when I tell him I suffer from the hydrophophia. Oh, I had some darling well behaved dogs before. Jack is just “special.” ~Laura

  19. rdennis says:

    Ahh, wargames. Good times…good times.
    *** The games were, weren’t they? ~Laura

  20. MorningGlory says:

    And NO I only have temporary rabies. I can’t hear you lalalalalalalalala.
    That’s what makes it ‘palindromic’. Vodka and tonic treats it.
    *** Okay, I just may have that then… Ha! ~Laura

  21. cbullitt says:

    “I hate that fucking song. Get out of my house”
    Sounds like inspiration for it’s own post.
    The goat in the header RULES!
    *** Have you seen him? Ha! ~Laura

  22. Jack is a special dog, isn’t he? Does he lick the windows??
    Hope your rabies thumb gets better before your trip…wait, another trip?? WTF??
    Oh, and the Army stories will get linked!!!
    *** Jack does lick windows! And yes, another trip! ~Laura

  23. Jan says:

    Wait, wasn’t that a movie with John Wayne or something? He escaped then snuck back under cover of darkness to tie up all the enemy combatants and tape some crusty underwear in their mouths, cuz it’s all about hitting back harder. Then suddenly: ZOMBIES! Thousands of them!
    Hmm, maybe I’m mixing my movies up…
    *** That’s exactly what happened !! Ha! ~laura

  24. Teresa says:

    Rabies, even thumb rabies makes you really thirsty which means you have to drink heavily. I hope you have the appropriate beverages on hand to handle this.
    Savannah! Cool can’t wait for the pics.
    And I really want to hear the war games stories. Love ‘em.
    *** There was so many adventures in the field, it was crazy times. ~Laura

  25. Mary Beth says:

    Another vacation?? Damn girl, I want what you do.
    *** No, you don’t. ~Laura

  26. Catherine says:

    I love Savannah. You’ll have a blast. BTW great blog you have.
    *** I plan on having a blast and thank you. ~Laura

  27. CGHill says:

    Perhaps the only words that matter to Jack are “Jack” and “treat.” I’ve worked with people with similar vocabulary issues.
    *** I do too. ~Laura

  28. Catfish says:

    I was born and raised in Savannah GA on Washington Square in the downtown area. Hope you have fun, Savannah is a very pretty city, Cat
    *** Thanks, I hope we do too. ~Laura

  29. Raven says:

    Yeah, that G6 song is pretty annoying and pretty much sucks like a lot of songs today. That’s a pretty good Army story teaser!
    *** I like to keep my readers in suspense. Yeah, that’s it. ~Laura

  30. Belinda says:

    Defensive driving, yeah….that’s it. Them there people in the northern coastal areas can’t drive! But be sure to tell J I was in Florence Wednesday and today and I looked for that goat everywhere. I’d have put the posters but I didn’t have any with me!
    *** You should print some up and throw them out the car window all the way. And no, I will not pay your littering ticket. Ha! ~Laura

  31. Glen says:

    The 82nd are a bunch of illiterate wimps who think “Ooo Rah!!” is a high brow retort for most anything!
    **** Ha! And they fought dirty! ~Laura

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