Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

I was going to review something else today besides exotic fruit, but the liquor stores are closed here on Sunday. Goddammit.

By Laura On September 5, 2010 · 25 Comments

Yeah I know, I said I was going to stop doing this exotic fruit review thing but I couldn’t resist. The exotic fruit the grocery store was showcasing this week was the quince. They’re from Asia, but mine was grown in Chile. It wasn’t too expensive ($1.29) and when I held it up to smell it (you should always smell your fruit) it smelled delicious, kind of tutti frutti. It’s supposed to taste like a cross between a pear and an apple so I was looking forward to eating it. So I washed it real well to get all the bug poop, nose prints, and Chilian cooties off of it and took a big bite. It tasted neither like a pear or a apple or anything really. It was a big “Meh.” A tastless piece of fruit with the texture of an apple. There went my $1.29 in the garbage can.

I give this piece of fruit four Young Val Kilmers. He may look good, but he’s really pretty bland and kind of retarded and all his movies are in the discount bin. I can’t finish watching any of them either. I bet he smells good too.

Val Kilmer

25 Comments

25 Responses to I was going to review something else today besides exotic fruit, but the liquor stores are closed here on Sunday. Goddammit.

CGHill says:

September 5, 2010 at 10:51 am

Isn’t this the fruit you’re supposed to eat with a runcible spoon?
** Yes it is! You’re so smart! ~Laura

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Jean says:

September 5, 2010 at 12:23 pm

So I’ve noticed a trend with all of your “exotic fruit”…. They have all tasted bland…. WTF?!?!?
*** I want to know why too! ~Laura

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patti says:

September 5, 2010 at 12:31 pm

in a lumpy, kinda angular kinda way

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kim says:

September 5, 2010 at 12:39 pm

quince is better cooked with pumpkin pie spices, sorry :-/
*** It smells devine though. ~Laura

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Teresa says:

September 5, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Even the dinosaurs aren’t happy with it. Or they just finished an Owl and Pussy Cat snack – I can’t tell.
*** They are most displeased with teh “meh” of it. ~ Laura

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September says:

September 5, 2010 at 2:23 pm

OK… so now will you quit?They are just trying to get your $$. And you keep giving it to them….Are you sure you were supposed to peel it first?
*** I’m sure. And I have. ~Laura

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SB Smith says:

September 5, 2010 at 4:23 pm

Not a big fan of Kilmer’s but when I see him I always think of his line in the movie Tombstone that he said to Billy Bob Thornton’s character…”Johnny, I didn’t realize you were still there…You may go now”.
And there’s always, “I’m your huckleberry.”
*** Tombestone was his best. ~Laura

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Jennifer says:

September 5, 2010 at 5:47 pm

I vote for booze tasting!
*** I knew you would. ~Laura

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Joe the Blog Stalker says:

September 5, 2010 at 5:49 pm

I really like those dinosaurs.
*** Me too. Amazon. ~Laura

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Mary Beth says:

September 5, 2010 at 6:02 pm

I always thought Val Kilmer was pretty but dumb.

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mel says:

September 5, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Plus which, years ago in Santa Fe, NM in a snooty shop I saw Val Kilmer… he lived around there somewhere people said. And I’m not one to rush up to celebrities making their egos bigger than they already are, but I recognized him and thought “Oh hey there’s Val.” and then I saw a young girl walk timidly up to him and asked quietly if she could take a picture of him for her photo album, and he gave her a go to hell look and walked out of the store. And she stood there looking all distraught and shit. I hated him since then. Asshole.
*** That asshole. ~Laura

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Holder says:

September 5, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Have you seen Val lately? Good grief! I know we all get old, but Damn! did he have to do it so badly?
*** I have seen him! He looks awful. He was pretty easy on the eyes when he was young though. ~Laura

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Tink says:

September 5, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Never liked him, never thought he was cute, Never liked his movies, I guess I’m not what you would call a fan….. But I do like those Dino’s. I saw these Egg’s today in a magazine where you put them in a glass of water and the eggs hatch and little dino’s come out of them. there are 5 or 6 and they are all different. They look like little erasers…. thought of U. HA!
*** I like sea monkeys too. Ha! ~Laura

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LeeAnn says:

September 5, 2010 at 10:11 pm

Liked him in “Real Genius” and “Willow”. After that he got a bit beefy for me. I’m entirely too picky in my choices of unattainable men.
Oh, and today I told a complete (kinda cute) customer he was treading the fine line between Cool Dude and Unbearable Hipster. I have no excuse.
*** You must set the bar high for unattainable men always. Ugh hipsters. ~Laura

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LC Aggie Sith says:

September 6, 2010 at 8:05 am

I lurvs me some quince pie, but like Kim said, quince has to be cooked. Like rhubarb, only not deadly. And much prettier. Love the dinosaurs, but shouldn’t they be pictured stomping the quince, for the full effect?
*** I had to taste it first and I didn’t want to taste dinosaur toe jam . ~ Laura

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Curtal Friar says:

September 6, 2010 at 8:22 am

I’m telling ya, try the breadfruit. At the very least, it won’t be bland. Honest! Of course, it does smell like…but I’ll leave that for you to discover.
*** Dude, if it stinks I can’t eat it. ~Laura

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The Nickster says:

September 6, 2010 at 8:23 am

I agree on the “Tombstone” front…that was a fairly epic role. And my son has a bunch of those egg-foam dinos…but they are NOT as large as seen on TV. I would suggest you invest in a good old fashioned fossil before them. Just a thought.
*** I want a whole T-Rex skeleton. ~Laura

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garnet says:

September 6, 2010 at 8:24 am

Val Kilmer is one of the worse actors of our time. lol
*** For reals. ~Laura

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Curtal Friar says:

September 6, 2010 at 8:37 am

Oh, and Val Kilmer? I agree, and I think the only role he played that was any good at all was in Tombstone, which is one of my favorite movies, but not because of Val.
I do remember watching some damned movie with Val Kilmer and i-can’t-remember-the-actress where he was a blind guy who falls in love with some woman. I went on a date night with my soon to be wife to see it, and my God, it was awful. She had to keep shaking me awake, and that was getting me upset, cause sleep was the only way to escape from the piece of shit movie.
You know, I take that back. There was one other Val Kilmer movie I liked, and that was The Ghost And The Darkness.
*** “At First Sight” with Mira Sorvino- dreadful flick. I didn’t care for The Glost in the Darkness. I did however like True Romance, but that’s because he wasn’t the lead. ~Laura

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Michelle says:

September 6, 2010 at 9:07 am

Val sure was a looker when he was young though. And yeah, kind of boeing too.
*** Yes he was. ~Laura

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Mr. Bingley says:

September 6, 2010 at 10:39 am

“Quince” sounds like the name of a guy wearing an open-collared shirt and a silver shark’s tooth pendant who’s “hangin’” with Val in one of his awful movies.
**** HA! You’re right! ~Laura

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Yabu (EOTIS) says:

September 6, 2010 at 12:22 pm

I thought Val boy was okay in Heat, but what do I know? I know he was propped some nice guns.
*** He was indeed. ~Laura

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Elphaba says:

September 6, 2010 at 2:53 pm

I really liked Kilmer’s performance in Tombstone. He was pretty badass for a really sick dude with tuberculosis.
Laura, it sounds to me like the only thing “exotic” about the fruits you’re buying is the diseases that come from the places that they’re grown in.
*** I know right? I hope I’m not infected now. ~Laura

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Elphaba says:

September 6, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Er. Can you fix my typo? It should have said “grown in” …not grown it.
*** Done. I am constantly making errors in comments all over the place, I know how it feels. ~Laura

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Kris, in New England says:

September 7, 2010 at 11:21 am

Oh come on now, Val Kilmer in the volleyball scene in “Top Gun”. Eclipses all else.
*** Ha! ~ Laura

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