So I was sitting at my desk yesterday
wondering if Eric was going to live on True Blood working and I heard my co-worker next door girly scream. I asked what was up and she yelled “A SPIDER!” and I heard things getting flung around and more girly screaming. Being the quick thinker that I am, I grabbed my stick. I bet you’re wondering what stick, aren’t you? Well, one of my other co-workers reads this blog (Hi! I promise those cupcakes I brought in didn’t really have ground glass sprinkles on them and I promise if someone in a black trench coat comes in shooting I won’t point you out as a potential target from under my desk!) and she brought me a South Carolina Stick for scientifical stick science purposes and I kept it at my desk.
So my co-worker was screaming and I grabbed my stick and I went over to her. She pointed towards a little spot and yelled “SPIDER! KILL IT!” all hysterical like. I looked down and saw a wee little spider, like the Gary Coleman of spiders, nothing like the Satan spiders at my house. She was still girly screaming and I started to laugh. Then she started to cry, honest to God cry, and was all “I HATE SPIDERS! BOOHOO!” I said “It’s cool, I’ll kill it” but it was in a weird location where I really couldn’t step on it so I took my stick and went to apply stick science and flick it on the floor and then my stick broke and I screamed “OH MY GOD! MY STICK BROKE!” all dramatical and she let out another girly scream and then I let out a girly scream (I love getting caught up in drama, ya’ll) and she started crying more and was begging me to kill it. I looked down and the spider had moved and I couldn’t find it. I dramatically yelled “OH MY GOD IT GOT AWAY!” and she screamed a scream at an even higher octave. Then I saw it and I flicked it again with one of the halves of my stick and it jumped! So I yelled “OH MY GOD IT’S A JUMPING SPIDER!” (like jumping made them ninjas) and she ran out the door, knocking over files and papers, and ran down the hall doing that insect heebie jeebie dance. Then I saw it on the floor and I applied shoe science to it.
After it was all over, people came over and started asking what all the commotion was. We announced it was the deadliest of spider species and that we barely escaped with our lives. “Just look at my stick! LOOK AT IT!” I exclaimed and held up the two pieces.
They looked at each other, then looked at us, rolled their eyes all smirky-like then turned and went back to their desks.
I mentally painted a bullseye on all of them. Those bitches are definitely getting pointed out.38 Comments