Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I’m hoping I’ll still be alive (OH MY GOD FLURRIES!) this weekend to get my dog to pick a winner, but J promised me he would if I couldn’t. I am impressed at the amount of people wanting my cool crap. I went through some more crap yesterday and I think I will be sending a lot of packages out so don’t get all sad and whiny if you don’t get this week’s. The people who state “I want your cool crap” are getting their names written down on a slip of paper every day they comment and getting added into a big jar until the “Weiner Dog Selection Process” takes place this weekend. Then all will be trashed and we will start over next week. This means to increase your chances you’ll need to comment daily. And you folks who don’t want cool crap please keep commenting. Yes, my attention whore soul is very demanding. Oh, I would like to take this opportunity to point out this superb comment:
I may be voted off the island for this comment, but you are way cooler than Pioneer Woman.
I <3 those pink erasers! ~ gatorgirl4325
I am way cooler than Pioneer Woman. Gatorgirl, this is an awesome comment. Superb except for one thing. You didn’t say you wanted my cool crap! I take it you want to get some cool crap? I put your name in there JUST because of the compliment. Let me know if this is what you want because you didn’t say “I want cool crap” but expressed admiration for the erasers. The main reason I am spotlighting your comment is first, to make it clear that if you want to be entered you need to let me know and secondly, by complimenting me I will sometimes sway the rules. I can’t promise you a win because Jack the Weiner Dog is choosing and he doesn’t care what you say about me, but maybe, just maybe your paper will be rubbed with kibble before the selection begins. Not that I would do that. I’m just saying. Dogs do have an excellent sense of smell…
Also some commenters said they should do a crap giveaway on their blogs. Well, I think you should. Yeah, I know I’m cleaning a room out of crap, and I shouldn’t get more crap, but dammit it’s fun getting free crap.
P.S. While you’re in a commenting mood, be sure to visit my friend Dogette’s blog and our site Advice Asylum. Yes, it is Attention Whore Month. That’s like Shark Week on Discovery, but with more blood and gore and less warmth and kindness.
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28 Responses to I am doing this entry so that I can get a ton of comments from people wanting my crap and also because the news told me I am going to die Thursday because we are going to have snow flurries
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I may die down here in Dallas because we will be experiencing 18 degree weather tomorrow morning. 18 degrees in Dallas is way worse than say, 18 degrees in Chicago. That is a fact! However, at least we won’t have snow. Snow in your city is worse than anywhere up north. By the way, could you please tell Jack that he is the best dog ever. How is that for sucking up to him. I want your cool crap.
OK today in my training- the one I was giving- I kept using Flying Monkeys as an example of something a funder might be interested in. My point being if they want flying monkeys, and you have flying monkeys, play them up. WTF? The group thought I was hilarious… I realized I had truly gone over to the other side. Now why don’t those sock monkeys you snapped photos of have wings? How great would that be? OK back to the grind so I can support my dreary little life.
Pfff. Buncha dang sissies! We’re looking at 17 below zero for tonight (that’s temperature, not wind chill), with 8+ inches of snow right outside my front door.
Okay, if bribery is an option, I’ll send the picture of Jack the Jester a picture of not just one but BOTH of my cats. I’d send Snausages, but they won’t fit in the CDROM.
Yeah, I still want some of your crap!
The prettiest girl in Chicago informs me, “We have crappy weather like this for four whole months, so shut yer piehole.”
I had no idea people in Chicago used words like “piehole.”
Yes, we all know it gets really cold and there is alot of snow up north…..That’s why we live in the SOUTH….so WTF is going on here? I had to wear a neck scarf today. It was so cold my ears hurt…. I also agree that if you had wings on those monkeys they would be soooooooo way cool and then I would want one of those. but I still want your cool crap.
So, the Weiner dog is gonna pick the Weiner! Ha ha, remember Jack – I’m the one you’ve been using to channel your NO MORE WIGS thoughts.
Cool Crap, Want Some…
Will anyone top gatorgirl’s comment? Inquiring minds want to know…
The suggestion to transform the sock monkeys to flying sock monkeys is fabulous! Zombie mom deserves an honorable mention… And of course, if such crap were to be generated, I would very much covet it…
Did I mention I have an iphone?
And in case it is not clear… I want some of your crap!
It’s cold here. I know it’s cold here because Monkey the DivaCat is actually trying to cuddle up with me instead of attacking my arm like it’s made of high-quality bologna.
Oh and… I still want your cool crap.
Yeah, I’m not so good at bribing dogs.
I am, however, very interested in your cool crap and would very much like to subscribe to Jack’s “Weiner Dog Selection Process”.
I have also been trying to work “flying monkeys’ into my vernacular. There’s just something damned funny about saying “flying monkeys”.
*snorfle*
OMG be careful out in the flurries, Laura! Do you have batteries? Water? Canned goods? A flashlight? Have they declared martial law yet?How are your looters? I’m FedExing you some sandbags. Please hang on.
Sissies indeed. Last weekend we had to call off our nature hike because at minus 35 Leif decided it would take too long to cook our lunch over a Swedish Mess Kit. I was only slightly disappointed, and mostly because my back was still sore from carrying the pack he made me wear which was easily as heavy as me.
And, I would love some of your shit, but only if the dog fits in the flat rate box. He’s adorable and my dog died last Labor Day and the whole family is depressed.
uh… you need to shorten your blog post titles. They are starting to annoy me, strictly due to the length.
Failure to shorten the blog post title length could result in:
Fewer readers, dumber readers, more dumber readers, knife wounds, comments deriding the length of your post titles, blithering idiots getting upset over nothing, more knife wounds, itching around the crotch, and ultimately dachshund revolt.
So I guess I should not tell you how sunny & warm it is here in the land of fruits & nuts.
I want your crap.
CRAPTASTIC!
The pink eraser gave me the vapors.
I want your cool crap!
I know he has to hate it, but Jack is just so effin’ cute in those hats.
Hm. Maybe I need to look through my crap. Though I’ve been pretty diligent this past year about throwing things away so I may not have much cool crap. I definitely have Christmas crap though. Boxes and boxes and boxes of it and I don’t even decorate any more. Maybe that is crap that should be given away…
Some day, I hope to graduate from “always filter” status – I live for that day!
For today, though, remember:
STEER INTO THE SKID!
You don’t want to fuck with the flurries.
I want Jack too!!! And I want your cool crap!!
You ARE cooler than the Pioneer Woman. She doesn’t go around wanting to stab/shoot/taser everyone, pasting a T-Rex god all over the place, and stalking a movie star.
Wait, I mean you’re CRAZIER than Pioneer Woman.
Colder n’ a witches tit in a brass bra here, and my fuckin’ heat bit the dust last night, and I’m typing this shit with mittens on, so am not responsible for anything wrong on this comment, and my gawd this is taking forever to type ‘cuz of the mittens, and please give Jack extra scaritches for me ‘cuz i just love him, and JIMBO, don’t eat the erasurs ok?
OH! I want your cool crap.
OMG – I am freaking out just a little bit ….. !! All I was doing was telling the truth (let’s face it – Pioneer Woman is great and all that, but LAURA has Flying Monkeys on her blog and I live in the world that LAURA lives in and just the sheer thought of someone else stating publicly that they’d like to stab someone just makes me like them more).
Anyway..I committed to making more comments in 2010.You take your valuable time to write up a quality post, so in return I should at least quit being a loser and comment.
I admire the lovely crap you are getting rid of, but I have tons of crap I’m sorting through myself. I am sure that someone else NEEDS crap more than I do, so I’ll just comment and free up a spot for someone else to win.
I have three pink erasers in my desk drawer at the moment and they are one of my favorite things.
And I promise my comments won’t be so long in the future, but I’m just a little shocked that I was noticed and I talk alot when I get nervous….
***Gatorgirl~ No need to be nervous! Your comment(s) rock. You make them as long or as short as you want! The important thing is that you make them. Oh, and that you’re not cussing me out. I admire your commitment to comment more. Bloggers love comments. They keep us going. I will take your name out of the jar. Three erasers is enough for you. After two you’re just bragging. ~ Laura
P.S. You sound like you need a blog so YOU can give away some of YOUR crap. Maybe part with some of those erasers?
I commented before I fully comprehended your post – sorry! Thank you for putting my name in the drawing anyway – that is true kindness.
I truly hope we don’t all die due to the flurries. I am sure the shelves at Harris Teeter have been wiped clean of the bread and milk already.
*** I stock up on real shit you need in emergencies. Like Smarties, and Cheetos. Well, and vodka.
No need to apologize. I mainly wanted to showcase the ” I am cooler than Pioneer Woman” more than anything. People need to know this.~ Laura
I’m feeling all pissy and stabby today so I’ll not rant too much here and bring everyone down with my own irritation and shit.
But your cool crap might make me feel all better so I want some
If you die Thursday, I’m going to be really pissed and haunt your ass.
Oh wait.
Ok, my hands have thawed out now. kinda. sorta. No more mittens anyway.
I want your cool crap!
There is no post yet on Thursday for me to say this and I may be dead by the time you post so I say now that I want your cool crap, even though I have far too much crap of my own just now due to overindulgence in the tahziki sauce. Bugger.
Smarties and Cheetos. I add something Hostess or Lil Debbie to the list and we are set to go. I figure if I am stuck at home, the power is probably out as well and there is no way I’m eating just plain old bread and milk. Gimme the good stuff, none of that “healthy” junk. If I’m gonna die in a snowstorm I want my tummy to go out happy.
Oh, Jack! Who’s a good dog? *scratch* *scratch* *scratch*
I would love to have some cool crap! Even though I don’t have an iPhone. My phone is stupid. sniff.
I want some cool crap! My husband would be thrilled to have me win some cool crap to store in our 400 square feet of candominium! Let me try!