Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I know that I try to do my Stab Lists on Mondays, but while I am sitting here syncing my iPhone to iTunes, I thought I would just type it out so everyone can read it when they go to work Monday. You know you read blogs at work. Don’t even try to lie.
1. People who read blogs at work. Ha! Psych! No, really, if I could I would stab employers that block the Internet from their employees. We all know the slack-asses at work don’t need the Internet to sham. Most have it down to a fine science. And these worthless bullshit artist employees should be stabbed too.
2. I want to stab the fact that there will not be another work holiday for almost four months. I think every month should have at least one paid holiday.
3. People who shoot off fireworks ALL NIGHT FOR THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW for New Years. Goddamn. I actually visualized ramming a Roman Candle up their asses. But mostly I just wanted to stab the inconsiderate fuckers.
4. The lawn care workers at work who use a leaf blower in the parking lot WHEN ALL THE CARS ARE STILL IN THE LOT. What the fuck? First off, the leaves are still falling, so you are blowing in vain. Secondly, you’re just moving them around. And lastly and most importantly, YOU ARE FUCKING UP THE CARS. My car was completely coated with a fine dust and I swear to God, if the dude with the backpack blower had been standing there when I left work I would have stabbed him. I hate washing a car.
5. Items that say “Some Assembly Required” on the box, then when you open the package it’s like you have to totally manufacture the item with one little allen wrench. Grrrrr.
6. The whole cast of “Jersey Shore.” Again, I was too lazy to find the remote and decided I could suffer through one episode of this reality show. I was right, I suffered. There is not one of these skanky, guidos/guidettes (their definition of themselves, by the way) that don’t deserve a good stabbing. What is it with finding the lowest common denominator and putting them on tv? Just what the hell?
Here’s their commercial.
Makes you want to go sharpen your knives doesn’t it?
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13 Responses to People who ask me if there’s ever a time I have no one to put on my Stab List are automatically added, so the answer is “no”
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Having had the misfortune of living in Jersey for a while, I’m not even going to play the freakin’ commercial.
I sometimes fantasize about taking the leaf blower and using it to air out their intestines…
I’m with you on the fireworks for New Years. Ditto for July 4th.
I’m a technology geek; I _like_ “some assembly required”
Douchebags in New Jersey? Say it ain’t so.
The guys with the leaf blowers need stabbed immediately. They are fucking up the paint jobs!
Did you see the episode where the one stupid girl- Snookie- got knocked out by a guy in a bar by chance? We all applauded at my house. lol
Don’t even get me started with those people and their fireworks. Imagine the money they spent on those too just to watch colors and “boom” in the sky. Idiots.
Ten minutes into that Jersey Shore show and I stabbed my eyes out. I could still hear those accents so next I stabbed both my eardrums.
Who? What? Huh?
The douche bags on Jersey Shore give Italians a bad name.
The funniest thing that I’ve seen on SNL in an otherwise un-funny season was one of the fat guys (not sure what his name is) on Weekend Update as Snookie from “Jersey Shore”. Such a hot mess…
I will gladly help you stab the fireworks idiots. I like fireworks just fine, but not three days in a row and it’s not even the holiday anymore, it’s just a regular day or a regular night. WTF? If anyone knows the people who do this, please ask them why they do that. I’d like to get some answers.
A solution suggests itself: next time the leaf blower approaches, drop a handful of Allen wrenches into its gaping maw.
All leaf blowers should be stabbed.
The hub has a serious thing for Jersey Girl accents. But I’m pretty sure he’d want to stab that show.
Never watched that show yet cause of that “Snookie’ chick. I hate her name and her face without even hearing her talk.
I couldn’t even make it through half the commercial. What utter drek. Stabbing them would certainly be very entertaining.
As for leaf blowers… I hate them with a passion. Everyone around here has them and turns them on for hours at a time to blow single blades of grass. Our lawn guys come in and use them for 15 minutes then they’re gone, but the neighbors with their wimpy ass blowers will quite literally run them for several hours until I want to go stab them.
Of course when the lawn guys come I have to make sure the car is not outside or it will have little blades of grass and dust all over it. Most irritating. But I know when they’ll be here and can move the car accordingly – not like your work place.
I hate leaf blowers. What’s the point? They’re only blowing the mess from one place to another. SOMEBODY’s got to clean it up.