Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

If I can’t get any followers on Twitter how the hell am I going to take over the world?

By Laura On August 17, 2009 · 11 Comments

I have 59 followers on Twitter. Out of those 59 followers only 4 of them are actual humans. The rest are spammers and porn bots that I don’t delete because, well, having 4 followers is pretty sad. I leave them for friends list fluff. Out of my 4 human followers, 1 actually tweets to me. That is Gargs. Yes, the same Gargs I talk to on the phone and text message and email all day long. We are like 15 year old giggling girls. I’m the pretty, smart one by the way.

Last night I got on Twitter and started requesting real humans to follow me. It was my feeble attempt at online social acceptance. I got 2 more followers. TWO. That’s okay. I am actually surprised I haven’t been kicked off of Twitter yet. Besides my penchant for cursing, I like to post pictures like this:

I titled it “I Started Christmas Shopping for Gargs.” It probably won’t be long before Gargs blocks me. Hey, maybe this is why I have no Twitter friends. Nah. I think my awesomeness just intimidates people.

P.S. I think that soup should be served with two giant Matzo Balls in it.

P.S.S. I won a contest on Twitter and will be receiving a bunch of sample packets of a product called Zizzazz. They told me they will send me some to give away on my blog. So be nice to me, people. I just might send you free things. I am not above buying friends. And by “buying friends”, I mean giving them stuff I get free anyway.

11 Comments

11 Responses to If I can’t get any followers on Twitter how the hell am I going to take over the world?

J says:

August 17, 2009 at 9:51 pm

You always work so hard to put meaning into everyone’s Christmas gift.

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Joe the Blog Stalker says:

August 18, 2009 at 5:16 am

I will sign up for Twitter just to follow you. I just try to keep my stalking all in one place.

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Jennifer says:

August 18, 2009 at 5:19 am

I want some samples!
I am surprised you haven’t been kicked out of Twitter too.
OMG, the cock and matzo ball soup idea is a great combo!lol

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Becky says:

August 18, 2009 at 5:42 am

Christmas and Cock soup…. now there’s a combination.
Guess I’m gonna have to start logging into Twitter more often. Seems I’m missing out on something. Or am I?

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Mark in IT says:

August 18, 2009 at 1:13 pm

I need to get some of that soup mix for stocking stuffers this year.

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alison says:

August 18, 2009 at 4:17 pm

I kind of gave up on twitter. Felt like I was accidentally leaning on a car horn in a quiet street? unless I was banging on about Iran. But hey let’s get going with the audio tweets!
I like the Quality Cock soup. There’s a hole in the market for that.

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Joanne says:

August 19, 2009 at 5:11 am

I am just surprised that you haven’t taken over the world yet.

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The Original Gargster says:

August 20, 2009 at 6:39 pm

LMAO! The sad part is that certain followers only get half the message, so they get aggravated that they don’t know what I am talking about when I Tweet. Your followers will feel the same.

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Buck says:

August 20, 2009 at 10:19 pm

OK… I’m following ya now. I’ll give you a respectable amount of time… i.e., three days or so… before I expect the first of the free stuff to start rolling in.

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Pat says:

August 24, 2009 at 7:03 pm

Is it a creamy soup?

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Laura says:

August 24, 2009 at 7:40 pm

Ohh Pat, you’re nasty-minded! I like that in a person!

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