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Told you He liked me best *UPDATE | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

When I got home from work today there was a letter in my mailbox. It was apparently from some Jesus freaks. Here’s the front.


Jesus Letter Front


Here’s the back.


Jesus Letter Back


I read the outside and kind of thought, “Yeah Jesus, send me my desires in small unmarked bills, please.” Then there was a knock on the door. It was the UPS guy with a package. I hadn’t ordered anything. It came from Pfaltzgraff and was addressed to me. I opened it.


Jesus Bowls


It was full of Pfaltzgraff mixing bowls. Jesus sent me mixing bowls! I took this as a sign and proceeded to make red velvet cupcakes, which I actually promised to make for a co-worker for her son’s birthday. I really didn’t feel like baking, but Jesus said I should and I don’t argue with Jesus and signs from God and shit. Here’s a picture of my cupcakes with my Jesus Action Figure.


Jesus Cupcakes


Jesus, it’s really cool that you sent me these nice bowls and thanks and everything, and I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but how about next time can you send me George Clooney with his pockets full of nice crisp thousand dollar bills? Amen.


*UPDATE*


J called to tell me that he had the bowls delivered to me (he had forgotten to tell me he ordered them) because about a month ago I said I needed bowls. So J is Jesus, but not really THE Jesus, because that would just be really too weird. And THE Jesus may still yet send George because I opened the envelope.


Oh, and I told J I really needed a new car. Well, I couldn’t very well ask J for George, now could I?

9 Comments
 

9 Responses to Told you He liked me best *UPDATE

  1. Gargs says:

    Damn girl, I can’t even get my man to give me a birthday present and yours gives you stuff just because you ask for it? What am I doing wrong?
    BTW, I want a “Buddy Jesus” from the movie Dogma
    http://jayandsilentbob.com/budchrisdass1.html

  2. Old Fart says:

    J, George, Jesus, bowls, cars, letters, cupcakes, action figures… my head hurts now.

  3. Laura says:

    Gargs- You really don’t want me to answer that now do you?
    Maybe you can get a Buddy Jesus for your birthday next year.
    Dogma is one of my favorite movies.
    Old Fart- I know, right?! Think it’s confusing from out there, just imagine what it’s like for me.

  4. daphne says:

    Honey girl – you can’t beat having the Big J send you crockery.
    You lead a blessed life. ;-)

  5. J says:

    And J beheld the cupcake, and it was good. And J proclaimeth unto the multitudes the miracle of the cupcakes on a work-night.

  6. Donna says:

    The cup cakes were very beautiful…. I carried them to the car for her but I did not eat any…..and by the way, does “J” have an available brother like maybe “I” or “K”? LYMI good nite

  7. Pat says:

    I don’t know how I missed this post.
    Wow – you just utter a prayer and then hear a knock on the door? How the heck does THAT happen? I was raised a good Catholic girl!
    Maybe you are doing things with J a.k.a. Jesus that we Catholic girls were taught NOT to do until we were married. THAT’s why the guy’s buying you dem dar bowls!

  8. Dating says:

    And J beheld the cupcake, and it was good. And J proclaimeth unto the multitudes the miracle of the cupcakes on a work-night.

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