Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

Dear Shit Storm Trooper in Stall #4

By Laura On November 6, 2008 · 11 Comments

Dear Shit Storm Trooper in Stall #4,

I would like to thank you for the sound and smell concert you held for me at 4:26 this afternoon. Waiting for me to be seated with my pants pulled down was pure genius. No better way to guarantee a captive audience. Once I realized that I didn’t buy a ticket for this show, it was too late. I must tell you that I was very concerned when I was certain the sounds had a demonic undertone and I felt I had to go get a priest for an exorcism. When the aroma hit though, I knew he could assist you with that after he administered the Last Rites to me. So I stopped being too concerned for you, and worried more about my own survival. Which reminds me, thank you Shit Storm Trooper in Stall #4 for making me realize that I need more endurance exercises so that I would be able to, in the future, hold my breath longer.

Also, while the continual sound of the toilet flushing added a nice background rhythm to your piece, I must tell you, it was futile. It did not add nor take away from your performance.

In conclusion, Shit Storm Trooper in Stall #4, bravo on the gastric masterpiece. Though I didn’t stay for the finale, I’m sure it was grander than a fireworks display on the fourth of July. I did not mean to be rude, but I started seeing black spots from the lack of oxygen and I think my eyebrows fell off, preceded by my nose hairs. Your performance will always be a standard by which all other stall performances will be measured.

I am curious about one thing though. Would you say you got your inspiration from something crawling up your ass and expiring, or had you traveled to a foreign country lately and contracted dysentery?

Sincerely,

Unsuspecting Audience Member in Stall #2

11 Comments

11 Responses to Dear Shit Storm Trooper in Stall #4

Lucy says:

November 7, 2008 at 6:06 am

Ha! Ha! I think I know who Shit Storm Trooper (LOVE that name) is! She trapped me last week. I barely made it out alive!
This is tooooo funny!

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Laura says:

November 7, 2008 at 7:18 am

Lucy- Someone should tell her that she needs to warn people before they get too “comfortable.” Jesus H. Christ, I actually almost lost consciousness.

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daphne says:

November 7, 2008 at 6:40 pm

Man, I was hoping for more food……and I got shit, literally, instead.
How do people go number two in a public place? I cannot make a movement like that until I’m tucked safely at home behind my own door.

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Michele says:

November 8, 2008 at 9:18 am

Permission to copy. I need to post this in my own bathroom. Next house I’m getting my own stall!

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Laura says:

November 8, 2008 at 11:16 am

Michele- Permission granted.
Daphne- Sorry- It was a horrible moment that happened to me right before I left work so I had to write about it. And I don’t kow why people do that. That particular Storm Trooper is famous for it : (

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GreasyGrimyGopherGuts says:

November 11, 2008 at 12:14 pm

I said i was sorry. Damn, give me a break. I had asparagus for dinner like 50 times in a week.
Is that the only vegetable you know how to cook?

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Laura says:

November 11, 2008 at 6:13 pm

Joseph- It’s funny that you posted that comment on apparently the wrong entry. LOL!!!

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GreasyGrimyGopherGuts says:

November 11, 2008 at 6:56 pm

I posted it on the Shit Storm Trouper one. That was where it was intended.

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Laura says:

November 11, 2008 at 7:34 pm

Oh, I didn’t know you used the ladies room. So sorry.

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GreasyGrimyGopherGuts says:

November 13, 2008 at 12:16 am

There was a line in the men’s room to get into Duhv’s office.

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Holly says:

February 6, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Surely people like that would use say the disabled loo so no-one has to endure their performance.
*** Oh no, they don’t care. Nasty ass fuckers. ~Laura

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