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It’s official! I’m crazy! | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura


Doctor


I had a doctor’s appointment today. Nothing serious. When the nurse called me back, like most nurses they stop you at a scale and wait for you to get on. I just stood there with a look on my face like “C’mon lady, let’s get to the room.” Then she said she had to weigh me. I said no you don’t, I don’t do scales let’s get on with this. She started saying she had to, the doctor will get mad. I said he could talk to me, I’ll take the heat. She sighed real dramatically, and we headed to the exam room. You would be amazed at how many nurses this totally discombobulates. Like no one has ever said “no.” This was a specialist office, not my regular doctor who’s nurses don’t even stop at the hallway scales with me.


Honest to God, I have not stepped on a scale in a doctors office since I started going to the doctor without my mother. Sometime in my early teen years. I simply feel, unless you are medicating me by weight you don’t need it. And I am the customer and I don’t want that service. Thank you.


So the doc comes in and we chat and he looks at my chart where the confused nurse wrote PATIENT REFUSED TO STEP ON SCALE! Yes, with the exclamation mark too. He asked me about it and I told him it was like a personal goal to never step on a doctors scale and I smiled as if there was a Guinness Book of World Records for such a thing. He laughed then stared at me with his hand on his chin. He said “You know what I have to do now don’t you?” Ummm, no. “I have to guess your weight.” I gave him a frightened look, sucked in my stomach, sucked in my cheeks and threw my head back like a model in a photo shoot. He busted out laughing and told me I was crazy.


I hope that’s written in my chart. Crazy- followed by an exclamation mark!

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