Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Marry A Bitch

I should have been married years ago. And have had at least five or six ex-husbands by now.

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San Jose

Sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. Nothing exciting or noteworthy has been happening. I have noticed this lull in my life has occurred at the same time my doctor prescribed me Xanax. My presription is expiring soon, so I expect I shall be back to my manic, ridiculous, self absorbed self soon (YAY!), which will translate to more blogging. I am also working on revamping the site soon.  In the meantime, here’s a photo I took of my chicken chimichanga I had at San Jose’s today.




My friend Richelle and I decided to eat at a new Vietnamese restaurant this weekend, Nether one of us had ever eaten Vietnamese food and thought it would be fun to try something new. As we walked in I immediately felt like it would be best if we left. Every patron in there was Asian ( Vietnamese I suppose) , all the staff was Asian/Vietnamese and they all turned to look at us with that look on their faces like “What the hell are these people doing in here?’

A young waiter took us to a our seats and handed us the menus. His English was real good and as we flipped through the menu he stood there ready to interpret for us. I looked up at him and asked what was the best thing on the menu and he looked at me like I was semi retarded and said slowly, “We specialize in beef dishes, that is the dishes listed under beef”. I think I kind of just nodded and said “Okay give us a few minutes.” Richelle and I looked at each other and both said ” No beef.” Because we looked under beef, and the beef was raw. Ewww. Richelle ordered a soup with shrimp, crap and squid in it, and I ordered spring rolls. Safe stuff, kind of. After we placed our order another waitress came up and speaking really slow and loud so that we could understand ” We serve chopsticks, but for you we will serve also spoon and forks.” Apparently, besides retarded non-Vietnamese not being able to use chopsticks, they also can’t have knives.

The food was meh. The funniest thing was watching Richelle take a big ole bite of squid, make a face while forcing herself to swallow and state “Me no like squid”, in a mentally challenged voice.

As we were leaving, walking to the car I had a feeling they were all looking at us out the window wondering how they could keep the riffraff out of their restaurant from now on. They definately no love us long time.


“I want a whole bunch of those Lemon Verbena bushes around my house like the one you have at your house.”

“That’s not a Lemon Verbena bush.”

“I know. When I don’t know the name of something I will rename it or make shit up.”

“And that’s been working for you?”

“Yeah. Until now. Stop correcting me.”