I was all “No way. This is just some National Enquirer bullshit.”
Then I was all “THAT MOTHERFUCKIN’ LIAR! HE SAID HE’D NEVER MARRY!”
Then I was all “If only he would had met me first!” and I asked God to turn back time like in that Superman movie where he flew backwards around the Earth, except this would be God and he wouldn’t have to fly because, duh, he’s God.
Then I was all “God doesn’t care. No one cares. Superman wouldn’t even care.”
Then I was all “Oh well, that’s that. He’s married.”
P.S. J just called me and was all “Laura, there’s only five stages of loss and grief and revenge isn’t one of them.” And I was all “Shut your whore mouth, it’s MY stages and that’s one of them!” Then he laughed a nervous Nazi laugh.69 Comments