Fuck You, Satan | Fetch My Flying Monkeys

Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

Currently viewing the category: "Fuck You, Satan"

I’m so far behind at burying my dead hookers from the long weekend, yet I take time out to educate you all. You’re welcome.

By Laura On July 6, 2011 · 111 Comments

I used to try to educate you people here with my insane facts, and graphs, and pie charts. I’ve kind of gotten away from it. I don’t know why. Probably the same reason I stop everything- a mixture of boredom and laziness and short attention span. But a lot of you had questions about Palmetto Bugs, so I’m going [...]

Continue Reading →

That’s it. I’m calling a locksmith today.

By Laura On July 5, 2011 · 123 Comments

I ate and drank so much this weekend I don’t even know if I’m still alive. I must be because my alarm went off and I’m getting ready to go to work. Unless… I really am dead and this is Hell. That would explain so much. It would also explain why it’s 100 degrees with [...]

Continue Reading →

Who knew there’d be so much back-splatter from a few voodoo curses? I’ll tell you who. Satan, that’s who.

By Laura On June 14, 2011 · 77 Comments

The only thing worse than bad things happening to good people is bad things happening to awesome people. So I’m not doing Voodoo Curse Month anymore because apparently my voodoo is backfiring and trying to kill me. Not only was I attacked by a squirrel,

got badly scratched corneas from God-knows what,

and if you follow me on Facebook you also [...]

Continue Reading →

Now my food is trying to murder me! Hmmm… I bet I can take on a plate of home fries smothered in ketchup. Bring it on, carbohydrates! You wonderfully delicious sonsabitches.

By Laura On April 14, 2011 · 40 Comments

Hot bacon grease exploded into my eye earlier. That’s what I get for cooking bacon old-school. Well that, and I’m pretty certain Satan had a hand in it. It hurt like a motherfucker too. I rendered y’all a drawing of the incident:

Yes, even with 50% vision loss I managed [...]

Continue Reading →

« Previous 1 234 Next »

Links to Enjoy

Moth.

BIRDS!

Andrew Knapp Photos.

Pot Noodles.

The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.

Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.

Rescued!

Wake Up!

Hitler's Home Movies.

Adopted!

Subway Surfer.

MC Mom.

Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?

Now I want to go to Iceland.

AYA!

Karaoke Hitler.

Wake up! They see us!

Wasted.

How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.

A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.

Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.

Birds in Watercolor.

When Taunting Goes Wrong.

Google Sheep View.

3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
Blog Calendar
March 2023

M T W T F S S

« Nov

1 2 3 4 5

6 7 8 9 10 11 12

13 14 15 16 17 18 19

20 21 22 23 24 25 26

27 28 29 30 31

I’m so far behind at burying my dead hookers from the long weekend, yet I take time out to educate you all. You’re welcome.

That’s it. I’m calling a locksmith today.

Who knew there’d be so much back-splatter from a few voodoo curses? I’ll tell you who. Satan, that’s who.

Now my food is trying to murder me! Hmmm… I bet I can take on a plate of home fries smothered in ketchup. Bring it on, carbohydrates! You wonderfully delicious sonsabitches.

Links to Enjoy

Blog Calendar

My Flickr

Archives

Friend me on Facebook!

Follow me on Pinterest!

Categories

Search

March 2023
M	T	W	T	F	S	S
« Nov
		1	2	3	4	5
6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
20	21	22	23	24	25	26
27	28	29	30	31